Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Falling In Love

Bittersweet feelings are always....well bittersweet. I don't know how to handle them. I want to rejoice and cry all at the same time.

I am graduating in less than two weeks. Scary thought but really it's just another step. I knew I was moving home to live with my parents and work while applying to nursing school....but the reality is finally hitting me, becoming real in my mind.

I have lived on my own for four years now...well almost. I've had more than my share of roommates, some good, some bad....and now two great roommates. It's hard moving home....but when I go from living with two great women to moving into the atmosphere that's my home, it's going to be a really rough transition. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to stay optimistic, just realizing it's going to be really tough.

My parents expect me to convert back to their lifestyle. But I've lived my own lifestyle for four years now. We have to meet in the middle and I'm not sure they are willing to. We'll see what happens.

But what I'm most sad for is losing the friendship and bond that I've made with my roommates this year. Especially Shelly.

I love Britt. I love her authenticity, her passion, her drive, her honesty, her whininess, her laziness, her crazy boyfriend and crazy busy schedule, her story telling, her laugh, her crazy fashion habits, and how she never ceases to amaze me. I'm going to miss Eamonn coming and going freely out of our house. I thrive in that environment.

But Shelly and I have also grown incredibly close. I really do love Shelly. We literally spend hours a day together. We have learned each other's quirks, our flaws, our strengths, our weaknesses, and how to interact. And I must say we interact really well. She keeps me in check and me her. We remind each other of things in life that we know the other needs reminding of. We aren't afraid to ask for help or text at all hours of the night for reminders or to ask favors.

We have learned how to be comfortable and ourselves. We literally pee with the door open around each other, don't mind walking around in our underwear, showering naked in the locker rooms after swimming, how to vent without taking it out on the other, how to keep each other in check without being each other's mom.

I'm going to miss nights cooking, running errands for crafts stuff or groceries, movie nights avoiding homework, rearranging living room furniture, cleaning, dancing, singing, laughing, joking, etc. We know how to cheer each other up and support each other in a good way. We both can talk freely about any subject without fear of judgment and can "agree to disagree". How often do you find friends like this, let alone roommates?!

I'm going to miss them. And because of the dynamics of our relationships, how open and honest we are, how non-judgmental we are, and how we interact without taking things out on the other.....well it's going to make it hard to move back home in which that's not the dynamics with my parents.

I'm going to miss them. But we can't stay where we are in life forever. It's a bittersweet feeling. I'm blessed to have spent the last nine months of my life living with them, but I'm going to miss them and miss how easy it's been to live with them.

I fell in love with my roommates....now I'll have to leave them. Bah.

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