Monday, May 11, 2009

Countdown to Graduation

Oh wow, four days....four days and I'm an official CSU Alum. I'm really not quite sure how I got here and where the last four years of my life went....but they went somewhere apparently.

It's scary and exciting all rolled into one. There are SO many amazing opportunities awaiting me, but it's scary as this life is all that I know. I'm getting ready to start a whole new chapter in my life. Um, that's so scary. Nothing in my life is planned out and I sorta like it, but at the same time it leaves me feeling "empty" on another level. I'm used to going and going and going and running towards the next "deadline"....what's that next deadline I wonder.

I cried this morning. This last school year has been a roller coaster. But it's been a beautiful, wonderful, crazy, exciting, growing, learning, adventurous, spontaneous, passionate, heart-filled roller coaster. And along the way, I have had a handful of friends who have gotten me by and become irreplacable people in my life in one sense or another. I'm realizing I'm going to have to leave this past wonderful year and these wonderful people in a few short days....and it breaks my heart. They have stood by my side, supported me, encouraged me to jump (in both good and bad ways), held my hand, laughed/cried with me, followed me through my drama, strengthened me, brought me down, left me standing alone, called me at all hours of the night, loved me, and rooted for me through it all. This doesn't happen often, and I'm going to miss them all. I know we will all keep in some sort of communication but it just won't be the same. I won't have these same amazing woman so close by my side.

Alyssa - my crazy hippie friend who has taught me the value of living passionately by my heart, having fun, and going with the flow of things. My friend who has taught me that life needs to be adventurous and even when I completely stand alone, crazy & distressed, I need to be who I am and can be loved for every crazy angle of myself. The same friend who has encouraged me to push boundaries and jump at every opportunity to get up and go but taught me the value of the consequences of my actions.

Kim & Jess - who have become close friends who love to do random things with me and who have no problem having explicit sexual conversations with me. Who take me for who I am and just keep me level-headed.

Britt - though she hasn't been there as much she has taught me the value of being true to yourself, being authentic, and holding yourself accountable. The same girl who has showed me how wrong I can be when I stereotype someone and has blown me away with her quirks that I have come to love. I look up to her and think she will make a remarkable woman and role model, even if she chooses to never get married and have kids. She's taught me it's ok to defy everything people think I am as long as it's done with good intentions, integrity, and heart.

Shelly - she has become one of my best friends. She's made me more girlie than I ever thought imagineable but has showed me that once again, people will love you for who you are if you are honest and true to yourself. She has been a genuine and loving friend, one who has kept me accountable without being my mother, who has laughed with me, cooked with me, procrastinated with me, listened to me talk and cry, shared stories with me, spent late nights laughing and laughing with me. She has shown me that true friends aren't afraid to text me at 3am to ask me to bring her sunglasses to work, true friends aren't afraid to use me in all the right ways and allow me to use them in all the same ways back. She has showed me how support can come in a form of a shoulder, smile, laugh, or hug. She is one of those people that currently in my life, even though I don't believe I'll have a maid of honor, would be a strong candidate for, because Shelly is just that great of a friend.

Of course all of my old friends I still hold close and dear to my heart, but these woman have been a stronghold in my life this past year, in ways I can't describe or tell to anyone who hasn't experienced them firsthand. They are the people who helped to mold one of the best years of my life. Like I said, it was a crazy drama-filled adventurous year, but because they were there, I have more wonderful memories than I ever thought I could have put into nine months. I love these women, what they each stand for, and who they are.

I sit here looking at my future, and my future holds wonderful things. Things I won't even be able to imagine, but it doesn't make the pain of leaving such wonderful people and memories behind any easier. It's never been hard for me to say goodbye before. At high school graduation even, I didn't cry. There weren't people in my life that I was leaving that had impacted and touched me as much as people this year have. But this year, saying goodbye is one of the hardest things I'll do. Harder than making life altering decisions, harder than recognizing the stupidity of certain decisions, and harder than going through the crazy ass emotions that came with family and boy drama.

Here comes goodbye.......well rather, "see you later".

Graduation in four days...yikes....three more finals to go after the one this morning. CSU Alum status soon. Working world adult soon. Life unknown soon.

Thanking God it's this hard to say goodbye.....that means something great and magical has happened in my life....means that I've been touched deeply and passionately. Thank you God.

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