Friday, January 22, 2010

I have many stresses on my mind that I am quite good at ignoring.....until they start manifesting physically as they are doing so now with me waking up nauseous many a morning.

I've concluded this: I need to move back out on my own, soon. I am a woman of independence and I need to live with others my age in a setting that is more my lifestyle and not that of middle suburbia.

I've also concluded dating life is wreaking havoc on my mind. I simply am torn when it comes to what I desire and what I my heart naturally wants to do. I desire to be loved like all others but I am naturally prone to guarding my heart as of late.

Either way, I need to get a grip on my stress. God and I have been in constant conversations which is why I think I'm no longer denying a lot of what's going on with me. But it's painful.

Growing pains, gotta love em.

Monday, January 18, 2010


I think it would be absolutely fun to do boudoir photography.....seriously!!!!

I could totally see myself doing it :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Hate Taxes

That's all I have to say to that crap.....

Ok I don't mind them....I just hate getting everything together at the end of the year.....PAIN IN THE ASS

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Turning a New Wheel

Well the week is almost over and I feel as though it has literally flown by, in good ways and bad.

Having a full-time position sucks in this aspect: I HAVE to go to work everyday for the same amount of time and have no time to do anything but give and give and give to my job. When the evening comes around, I'm completely wore out and find that doing things that I enjoy gets pushed by the wayside.

But of course I'm not gonna let a silly little thing called time get in my way ALL of the time ;) I do try to jampack my evenings full of things to do. And now I'm learning that everything has to have a set amount of time committed to it....albeit I am HORRIBLE at time management currently. I have too many things I want to do and love to do that juggling them is pretty much like juggling razor sharp knives....impossible to do right.

My newest addition back to my life is working out. I started doing the P90X program, though I'm only on day 2. So far I LOVE IT! I am sore and exhausted and wore out but holy I love the burn of working out and knowing I am doing something that will eventually lead to me being in better shape and looking better than I do now.

I'm turning over a new leaf and trying to get back into shape. I'm going to make an effort to cut junk food out of my life, to stop snacking on crappy foods, and to add more water back into my diet. I also need to sleep a little more but I want my body to be healthier, I want to be back in shape.

My biggest obstacle right now is my job. I have a very laborious, energy-intensive job that will hinder this and I'll have to find a balance for awhile between the amount of energy put into both so that I don't completely drop the ball in either area.

But I'm excited....I'm motivated. I'm tired of looking at pictures of me and not liking what I see. I know I'm my hardest and worst critic but I know that I can be happy with my body, more so than now. And I want to be. I'm in the prime of my life. I need to start better patterns that can continue for a lifetime.

So that means being motivated and working out to get my bootay in shape :)

I'm turning a new wheel.....let's hope this wheel keeps on rolling and gains some speed!!!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Are you fab?!?!'s a word that's thrown around in copious amounts in our society.

"Darling you look fabulous....That dress is fabulous....Denver is fabulous....honey, that's just fabulous...."

I will admit, I sort of have a love/hate relationship with this word. On one hand I associate it with the arrogant snooty celebrity type. That's how I came to hear this word so much at first. And seriously, we all know that celebrities are just a tad ridiculous (in the annoying way) in their own right.

Then on one hand, everytime I tell someone they look fabulous I instantaneously in my head think (in the best Jim Carrey voice I can muster) "Somebody looks FABULOUS!" and then automatically think of Britt my ex-roomie and calling so many things 'fab'. And on that token, I hearts this word.

By the way, the fact that I say "I heart (insert any word here)" is a tad ridiculous but that's an entirely different subject.

Anywho, Dan uses the word fabulous all the time. Why wouldn't he?! He's gay. When you're gay everything is either fabulous or oh-my-god awful....there's not much in between when it comes to first impressions on much. Sorry to stereotype but honestly, just interact with a few gay men and you'll understand this is typically true....much like white people typically flop like fish on the dance floor unless they have had tons of practice shaking their booty.

Dan and I were talking and of course we were talking about fabulous things. Namely how us continuing our friendship after a long hiatus is fabulous and that we in ourselves are fabulous for being able to dream so passionately, live so much in the moment, but also be able to recognize the power and beauty of God. It's a much more complicated conversation that can't really be relayed unless you part of it. Oh well, good enough recap.

But this is our conclusion: life is meant to be lived fabulously. There is no definition to what fabulously looks like however, so that needs to be interpreted in one's own fashion. But to us, life is meant to be lived fabulously.

And here's a few things that to us mean living life fabulously:
*Recognizing that God is beautiful, amazing, and is everywhere. God is everything that is and is not. God simply IS. Oh and not to mention the EXTREME amounts of love that come with God and (for me personally, not so much Dan, who doesn't believe in Jesus) the incredibly beautiful yet unwarranted sacrifice of Jesus to save our souls.
*Living life passionately. I've talked about passion SO much but I can't help it. It's an inate part of my being. This means loving, growing, crying, dreaming, believing, talking, laughing, singing, and working with passion.....with as much energy and enthusiasm as one can muster. God didn't make us to do things without passion and without soul. He made us soulful, feeling people.....let's use that gift!!
*Living a life of love. I LOVE people. I LOVE life. I LOVE God. I LOVE my family. I LOVE music. I LOVE every moment, no matter how much I don't like it. God is love, God shows us love. We were meant to love. And love comes in SO many different forms. I can honestly say I love most everyone in my life. There's a few people I'm sure I could find to exclude from this but I love most everyone for a reason and in a different way. I don't care who you are, where you came from, your beliefs, etc. We were meant to be loved and I enjoy loving those around me for the reasons I love them. I wish more people would recognize the power of love and how love isn't JUST a feeling towards one's family and spouse/partner. It's something you can feel in different ways with everybody!!
*Having a good time. This doesn't mean always going out and drinking or causing hell, though I'm guilty of it. But honestly, I have a great time sitting at home watching a tv series with friends drinking grape juice and snaking on pretzels. Life is meant to be full of memories and cherished great moments. That is just fabulous.
*Being the best we can be and CHASING, RUNNING after our dreams and encouraging everyone else to do the matter how unattainable we think they are. Nothing is possible, never say never. Sure it's not gonna be easy. (In fact, I think I'm a tad nuts thinking I actually might possess any ability to help write a book.) But it's all about the journey and doing something you love and trying to achieve something you look forward to.

ALL OF THAT is living fabulously. And that is what I have decided one of my goals for 2010 try to live life fabulously.

Now here's the question, are you fabulous?! Do you want to live life fabulously?! And what does living life fabulously look like to you?!

Great, now that you've answered yes to the first question and have defined the a fabulous life!! :-D

Monday, January 04, 2010

Rocky Bottom Tops

Sometimes in life God sends you those little breathes of fresh air, well really big breathes, that come at exactly the right moment in the exact package one needs them. Tonight was one of them. And I couldn't be more amazed at God's perfect timing and awareness of our needs.

Today was a hard day for me.....not literally, it wasn't really that bad. But I found myself being grated on the side of irritation. I then found myself getting pissed off and a little down in the dumps.

In steps a beer date with Ian that we had decided on just a few days ago.

I wouldn't have guessed it would be as momentous as it was.

Sitting and conversing with my old/new friend Ian in a way we never have before was like reopening a part of my soul that has been locked away for the past few months in the craziness of life. I was able to peek into my own soul through him and relinquish truths that I can't normally in my given situation and whereabouts in life.

A few challenges were made, futures were contemplated, philosophies and ideas were discussed, and a penpal match was made.

We are both aspiring writers who are currently giving a huge "eff you" to the world who thinks that this task will be impossible. Who knows?! One day our penpal letters might be organized into some book that will be dubbed literary genius......or rather just a goal set between two kindred souls walking very different yet very oddly similar paths.

Our destinations and journeys are so different yet so intertwined. In steps these people just when you need them. God is there directing.....on cue, right now. Holy mother.

3 amazing things that happened today:
*Dan and I decided to write a book together.
*Ian and I contemplated the possibility of forming a book in a few years based off the pen pal letters we develop in the next few years. Publishers can do what they want with it.
*Ian challenged me to write about scrupulous-ness. One page, front and back in a letter.

I just caught a glimpse of the future. But a glimpse that was nothing like I thought it would be. Where will I be in a few short years?!

This I do know......Ian understands two of the things closest to my heart.....the importance of passion in life, and the beauty of following one's heart. I wonder where us two souls will find ourselves. All I know is this is the beginning of a beautiful journey between two friends whose paths happened to cross at exactly the right moment.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Wash Park Panorama

Trying to find a place to get this printed :) Pretty proud of taking the pics then merging them all together.....first panorama!!!

Friday, January 01, 2010

Happy New Year 2010

I can say I think 2010 is going to be a crazy effing year but it's going to be a great can't be anything less than great....I won't let it :)

Last night I celebrated by doing my hair cute (heck yes to getting my hair to successfully poof for once!), wearing a new outfit that included some of the cutest and most flattering jeans I've ever gotten, a cute colorful shirt, and new black high heels, and then went to a couple good friends parties to hang out.

I started off the evening at Britt's place for her Black & White fancy party, of which I was a sore thumb at. It was great!!! I got to catch up with Britt and Shelly and then spent the rest of my time there smartassing and laughing with my good friend Eamonn. God bless Eamonn is all I have to say. I love his punk ass. Literally. He's a punk rocker, with an orange mohawk, and a passion for pirates, PBR, and Ireland.

I got complimented on my jeans and heels and told that though it was abnormal for me, that I looked very cute. I didn't drink, rather chose to drink punch there as I was driving to Loveland later on. But it was great :)

I then headed to Dan's. Dan is a very very gay friend of mine that I love. We are accepting of each other no matter how different our religious and political views. We love and accept each other as is. Love love friends like that. Anywho, we were the only single two of a total of eight people (the other six being three adorable couples). Kat, her sister Claire, and their cousin Lindsey and their respective boyfriends are there. Kat and Claire are the nieces of Bill Ritter, our governor of Colorado, which I learned last night. Regardless, I love Kat and Dan :)

We had a good time listening to music, looking fabulous, doing a couple shots and drinking a really good spiked fruit punch.

And then the last ten minutes of the year we spent watching the recap of the ball dropping in New York.....and laughing our asses off at various jokes. Then at midnight, Dan, my gay friend, was my midnight kiss.....and man did we bring it in in glorious style :) Then was time for a last drink and bedtime.

Oh how I love cuddling up in my pj's in a bed full of great friends....nothing better :)

It was a great way to bring in my New Year!!!

I also got hugs from all my Britt friends that night which I found was hilarious and wonderful.....lots and lots of Britt's in my life.

My resolution this year: Let God take over the drivers seat in my life and just let things be. God is throwing curveballs and I think I just need to stop being a really bad driver, rather take over the annoying backseat driver position. I need to be strong enough to trust Him with ALL of my that's what I am working on this year. Letting things be and letting God take the wheel.

2010: Let the craziness begin.

Happy New Year!!!