Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Driving Range

Living back at home has been a VERY tough transition so far and I can honestly say I don't think it's been in a good way. My parents and I are just butting heads WAY too much....they still don't treat or talk to me as an adult. Rather like their daughter that's still in middle school. We've already gotten in plenty of arguments...more than I would care to. I knew it would happen but we've had more fights in two weeks than we've had in the past five months or so. That's not a good sign. We'll see what happens though. I'm not quite sure how long I will last here. I have a feeling before too long I'll wind up moving in at my aunt's. I realize it's going to start a whole new family fued but I can't do it.

What gets me more than anything is that my parents haven't really taken the time to get to know me in the past four years. They still see me as the person I was living in their house when I was in high school but I've drastically changed in many ways since then. But especially in the past year, they haven't really talked to me. They didn't know who I was before so they wouldn't really see the change anyway I guess but they don't even take the time to get to know me. They think they know who I am but in reality, the Nicole they know is so drastically different from even the Nicole they knew 10 months ago.

I have my own lifestyle and it's incredibly hard to merge my lifestyle and my individuality with my parents lifestyle. In comparison with their very ultra-conservative views and opinions on a lot of things I'm a flaming liberal and I'm really not even that liberal at all!!

Anywho, coming back has been a little hard. However, I'm trying to keep my head on straight and help get through all the graduation stuff without any more arguments. It's just hard though. This household is just so darn negative and controlling.

Eric and I went to the driving range today :) I actually didn't do too bad. I can't hit the ball massive distances or anything but I hit it farther than I thought I was going to. And I must admit I was hitting pretty damn consistent!! I surprised even myself!! I remember not being very good at golf at all and pretty much just hitting the ball to hit the ball and literally chasing it all over the fairway. Apparently my driving skills have become better despite the fact that I haven't picked up my clubs for six years :)

I must say I thoroughly enjoy spending time with Eric!! He is helping to get me outside like I want.....which is more thrilling to me than I think most people understand. I really enjoy trying new things though I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not really good at much, not athletically gifted in any sense, and highly uncoordinated (I have two legs worth of bruises to prove it). It was also fun to watch him hit the ball :) It was a very good view on my part and I just really enjoy watching him....learning his facial expressions, mannerisms, and the way he moves. Call me crazy but I love to watch those I become close to and learn all those things and I find learning them one of the funnest things....I think just because it tells so much about them. It also doesn't hurt that I'm extremely EXTREMELY attracted to him :)

Last night I went over to Wash Park with him in downtown Denver. We rode our bikes there (I must say that was a difficult bike ride for me, more difficult than I thought it was going to be....meaning I need to get back in biking shape!) and then played frisbee for awhile. Another sport I'm going to have to practice at to get better but it was a blast. Poor Eric was running all over the place as I can't seem to figure out how to throw the friz consistently but that's ok. I just really enjoyed the time with him :) Ok I keep saying that but it's SO true!!! It's ridiculous. He puts a big smile on my face!!!

Oh I'm so excited for the pool to open!!! AHHHHHH.....how I've missed the pool....it's not a REAL summer until you've lived at the pool...at least in my mind :)

Not to mention this albino skin needs to get a little bit of color!! That's my goal, get a tan, have a blast with Eric, get a job, enjoy my summer, relax, and live it up!!

Oh I'm so excited for what's developing between Eric and I :)

Oh yes also very exciting news....Eric and I are going out on a date on friday evening....yes a date, a real date, a real live dinner date!! (insert big cheesy grin) Um, butterflies!!!

Hehehehe....ok well I should be working on stuff for Kevan's graduation but I'm very bored. This house is filled with so little interaction it's not even funny. I miss Shelly coming home and talking my ear off and asking me how my day was and what I've been up to and then convincing me to watch movies instead of doing homework. AHHHH!!!! She wrote this note on facebook today that made me cry so hard....oh I read it and I couldn't hold it in :( The water works just turned on again. I miss Shelly and Britt....I can't handle this. I miss my home. I miss my roommates. I miss their quirks. I miss ALL of it. AHHHHH bah....this sucks.

Ok I'm all over the place today. I'm gonna go, my brain is starting to run just a little too fast for even my fingers to keep up with now....

Bon nuit

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Maybe you ought to try to get to know us - you keep claiming it's all us yet you don't even try to listen or understand where we are coming from. You might start by trying to treat your father and I like you treat your Aunt and Uncle. You show them more respect than you ever thought of showing us. As far as no interaction - it's hard to interact with someone who is always looking for a conflict. Instead of always blaming your father and I for the bad in your day, try looking at what you are contributing. We are trying to accommodate alot of transition for everyone right now yet YOU don't seem to even see that. It's hard to try to be around someone who continually shuts you out when they don't like to hear what you are saying. Unlike your aunt - I am your mom. God charged me with that reality almost 22 years ago and absolutely no matter what I say or do, it is never good enough, never right, never what you want to hear so consequently - I don't say anything anymore. When you are ready to put effort into our relationship - I will be here.

I always will and always have loved you with all of my heart, but maybe you need to ask me how much you have hurt my heart. Your actions contradict your writings.

Love you, Mom