Friday, April 30, 2010


This past week has been a whirlwind. The year is coming to an end, at work our kids are getting antsy and us teachers are getting worn out. We are all excited for warmer weather. I am working a ton to try and pay off my credit card bill. Last night included almost no sleep because I had to drive to downtown Denver to pick up a friend who needed a ride and drive him back to Brighton. Eye appt and work today on top of taking the same friend back to Denver to get his car. Driving back to Brighton only to go apt hunting back in downtown with my future roomie. It's been a whirlwind that has included almost no food, too much sugared carbonated drinks, lots of reflection, no shower and a lot of gas.

All that aside, our search started off WONDERFUL this evening looking at the first apartment. It's in a great location, great view, great price, WOWZERS!!! It's a step in a new direction of my life that I'm so excited to make. Tomorrow we are going to go do more hunting, as we have more appointments to view more apartments and I couldn't be more excited!!

Going to that first apartment and this next chapter in my life becoming a reality totally got me excited. I'm going to be struggling financially for the next couple years of my life but you know what, it's going to all be worth it. It's the experience of a lifetime and I can't help but think it's where I belong!!At least in this moment in time. I'm excited for a change, I'm excited to really live up another year of my young adulthood and I'm excited for the challenges and great times it will include.

And I couldn't be more excited that I just happened to fall into this opportunity with a really great gal that I can already tell I'll get along spectacularly well with living with her!! We are both very open and very laidback and I'm just ECSTATIC to see what this next year brings for us both. It's going to be another growing pain year but you know what, bring it on.

I truly believe God's hand is really on this...He's making it all slowly fall into place :-)

So for now, on to more hunting!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I found this song recently that just really speaks to my soul in terms of the beat it gives and the chorus. It's called Airplanes pt. II by B.o.B. ft Hayley Williams & Eminem.

The chorus goes like this: can we pretend that airplanes in the sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now....

One night I really just needed a night by myself so I took my camera and went to relax my soul. I ended up driving way out to the country out to where I used to live to take some pictures. And these are the result of that.

I also got to take some pics of two of my favorite boys while I was babysitting them last weekend. It was SOOO enjoyable getting to rough and tumble with them and love em and get to just be babysitter Nicole instead of teacher Nicole :-) Not to mention it's always really cool to hear them say "No daddy, go away" whenever the parents come home and they want to keep playing with me!! It lets me know I'm doing a great job!!

*All these pictures are copyrighted, please do not steal.

There is so much going on in my life. I'm working and trying to find a way to make even more money as I find myself perpetually in a financial bind. I just need to suck it up and work more for my parents, though I want more time for myself (and being sick this past week made that impossible as I found myself sleeping all the time just to try and get over the pure exhaustion that came over me).

Marisa and I started the hunt for apartments this last weekend. We are both looking to move in June and I can't wait!! I'm SOO excited to move downtown and be in a new atmosphere :-) Not to mention I can't wait to have a place of my own all again though with the current financial situation I'm wondering how I'm going to make it work. I'm pretty positive I'll have to take out a small loan until I can get more money under my belt.

I'm excited for new starts.

I learned that I got denied into nursing school about a month ago and since then I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life. I think God is putting a hold on that for a reason but I haven't figured that reason out. However, I do know that next year if I'm not in school of any sort I'm going to stay working in the school district as a substitute teacher. My principal already said that he would put in a really great reference with me (yeah! go me for being so good at working with my special needs kiddos!) so I know I have a guaranteed job in the school district with my repertoire of references. I think I'm going to work as a substitute teacher next year so I can make more money and then I can volunteer and still come see my favorite kiddos who are back with Kendall next year. I can make roughly $1600/month doing substitute teaching. This summer I'll get part of my para income and I think I'm going to try to continue with phlebotomy and become a "sitter", someone who sits with patients overnight. I basically just sit and read or do homework or whatever with patients who need an extra eye. And they make quite a bit of money. And then I'm also going to apply to volunteer at Children's Hospital :-) I have the boys parents working on a reference letter for me to go with that!

I have so many options for my future I find it really hard to decide what it is I'm going to do. I guess that's maybe what God wants me to learn from all make decisions and have faith that God is going to lead me where I need to go. Or he's going to teach me how to fall completely on my face with grace. hahaha.

Anywho, I'm off to spend my Sunday afternoon with my camera once again :-)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Girls Night Out

There has been so much going on in my life lately.....and sometimes a girls night is just necessary.

So that's exactly what happened last night. I met up with my bestie Britt, her friend Sheree and our old friend from high school Melissa to have a night without any guys and to just get out.

What better way to have a girls night than to get dolled up our own way, go to a metal show, have a few beers, and rock the town?! Exactly :-)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Latest Body Mod

So in the past month I've dramatically changed a few things....I chopped my hair off, colored it a tad darker, updated my first tattoo, gotten a second tattoo, and today I got my third tattoo. It's my favorite by far. Massive kuddos to Deanna at Katalist Konsepts :-) I gave her the concept, she designed it and chose the color scheme and I am in love with it!! She did a wonderful job!!

The only other body mod I plan on doing is a new piercing in my cartilage next month with my sissy-in-law :-) After that I'm done.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

He's Knocking

On Sunday I went to a benefit for Diana Hummell....and it was amazing. She's a living, breathing, walking miracle. She was diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer in December. She's a 27-year-old wife and mother who has a very strong faith in God and in His love and power. She underwent surgery in which they removed portions of her stomach, most of her intestines, and her gallbladder. She was given 6 months to live if she underwent chemo, 3 months if she sought "any other treatment" or no treatment at all. When she was diagnosed her cancer antigen levels were at 10,000. Four months later, after starting natural treatments (opting not to go through cancer and I completely support this decision) she has felt better than she has since the beginning of all this. However, a few weeks ago her cancer antigen levels came back at 280,000....levels at which she should be dead yet she is feeling better than she has in months. Amazing!! That's the power of our God, of Christ's power to perform miracles.

The whole night was amazing, inspiring, humbling, and completely undescribable. Diana and Cam are just two very faithful amazing people that I can only one day hope to be like.

Below is a poem Diana wrote that was in the agenda for the evening. It's called "He's Knocking"

You've tried on your own, would you let me come in?
Let me in those deep, dark places, the ones I call sin,

You've struggled for so long to patch up those spaces,
Closed up the doors and hid them from others faces,

I came to set you free from the bondage you hold tightly to,
If you'll allow me my child, I'll make your heart brand new,

See these scars on my hands, my feet and my side,
They're there to remind you that I paid the price for you,
on the cross when I died.

Trouble in this life will come, when it does, I'll hold you tight,
And we'll walk together through your darkest night.

See the cross was not the end, even the tomb could not hold me,
That was only the beginning, a chapter, out of the greatest love story.

The sweetest victory of them all will be the day I call you home to be with me,
For that day, my precious one I will show you and your eyes will then see,
All the many miracles I performed along the way to set you free!

Monday, April 05, 2010


If there's one indiscretion that exemplifies how differently my parents parented Marsh, Kev and I versus Reece it's this:

Growing up, from about the age of five, we were always told college wasn't an option, it was a must. I actually heard my mom say that Reece may not and doesn't have to go to college if he doesn't want.

WHAT THE F***?!?!?!?!


What magically happened in the past few years where going to college went from being an absolute to my parents who *value education* so much to it being something that they don't expect of their youngest.....especially in a generation and time where education means more than experience in getting a job.

My mom rationalized this by saying that Reece just isn't good at school and struggles with it. She said going to college just may not be his thing.

I understand what she means by this and I'm not saying that you HAVE to go to college to make a living and be happy and successful.

I'm just merely demonstrating just how differently she has raised Reece versus the rest of us kids.....and she wonders why I there any sort of dissention between him and I and how they parent him versus how they parented us older three.

Gee, couldn't imagine why I have issues getting along with my brother a good grip of the time....I don't even get along with the brothers that were raised the same with me sometimes but at least we understand each other....

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Ray of Sunshine

The past 24 hours have been highly emotional for a few reasons....of which I won't get into but they have been.

I went from being in a great mood with tons of positive energy to getting burned to building it back up to being shit on by my mother to feeling lost to feeling very raw to feeling completely lost to feeling hurt.....and then at the end of my night, my heart was melted.

I'm sure you could have guessed it. Ethie, one of my little kiddos melted my heart.

His mother called me this morning asking last minute if I could babysit. Her sister is in town and they wanted to have some couple time. Annie has three kids including Ethie. Ethie is a twin and then they have a baby girl who is only a few months old. Annie asked if I was sure and I said "Yes! I have no other plans tonight so that's perfect." She then proceeded to tell me that her sister has an autistic son and asked if I was comfortable with this. Of COURSE I said yes!! My other little fav kiddo is autistic. So I told her no problem.

Over the course of this break I've changed my look by cutting my hair and I have been wearing my glasses due to having very irritated eyes right now. I was afraid Ethie wouldn't recognize me.

But I walked in the door and saw Ethie laying on Annie's lap as she was changing him into his pajamas and at first he didn't recognize me. Annie told me later she had told him Ms. Nicole was coming over and he had gotten very excited but I could tell walking in he was a bit confused. When I said hi, his ENTIRE face lit up. He laughed and when he gets excited his whole body tenses up/flexes and that's exactly what he did!! His mom said that despite a fun-filled day at the zoo with his cousins and siblings, he hadn't been this excited all day.

He actually cried when his dad took him upstairs to put him to bed.

That just made my heart melt.

Later on that evening I had difficulties putting Lizzy, his baby sister down to sleep and it woke up Ethie. Their mutual crying kept each other awake and so I finally took Lizzy up by Ethie so I could try to mutually calm them down. Ethie of course got smiles from ear to ear when I came in but I soon found that laying them down next to each other wasn't helping Lizzy in the slightest. After a half hour of trying to get her to stop fussing I finally laid her down exasperated to let her try to cry herself to sleep (sometimes you just have to do that) and went up to comfort Ethie. Within five minutes Lizzy was asleep and Ethie was so excited to have Ms. Nicole cuddled up next to him.

He wanted to talk to me and tell me all about his day (he can't really talk but he can make noises and smile really big and grab my hand) and so I listened and laughed and smiled. And finally I told him that Ms. Nicole would sleep with him but he had to go to sleep. So I asked him if I could sing him a song and he not only smiled he said "yes" which he can say in his own little way. So I sang him a lullaby that my grams used to sing to me. He loved it....and he loved getting his tummy rubbed. I gave him cheek kisses and he smiled so big it made me almost start crying while I was singing to him.

I had to choke back tears of joy and love while I was singing.

After 20 minutes I finally was able to sing him to sleep and able to sneak out.

When I went downstairs I was comforted. I still am feeling very emotional and confused in my heart due to the things that made this past 24 hours so emotional. But in it all there is something of joy that I can carry with me.

I have made a positive impact on Ethie's much of an impact that Annie said I was one of his favorite people. For me coming over to be the thing that brought him the most excitement and happiness that day completely melted my heart. I AM loved and making a difference by loving others :-) For me to see his beautiful smile when I simply walk in the room is wonderful. To see him SO excited when I cuddled up next to him and to watch him giggle when I kissed his cheeks is what makes any moment of pain worth those few moments of complete happiness that I have brought to someone else.

It's amazing. Ethie was my little ray of sunshine today. And I'm glad I could be a ray of sunshine in his life as well. There are few boys in my heart that truly have a piece of it and he is one of them.

Thank God for those little blessings.

cheek kisses for Ethie :-)

Friday, April 02, 2010

Picture Blog

"I love you" on my right foot

added to my hip tat

the whole tat (on my left hip)

my finished "painting"'s a hodgepodge

last night with Alyssa....myself, Alyssa, & Nadia