Sunday, May 31, 2009

I Want Some Mow, I Want Some Mow

Warning: This entry is a tad ridiculous.


Today my father FINALLY (after 7 years of me begging) taught me how to use the lawn mower and allowed me to mow the lawn.

Small feats but I take them where I can get them.

My dad has never been really wild about me being near anything that includes motors, machinery, or anything that can go fast. I have asked my dad throughout the years to teach me how to use the mower and let me mow, teach me how to drive stickshift, teach me how to ride dirtbikes/motorcycles, and BEGGED him to let me drive 4-wheelers on the rare occasions we've been around them.

I'm his little girl. He responded no at every chance.

However today "rent" was due. He originally assigned me the task of cleaning the truck to which I adamently refused as I had just spent four hours total in the past couple days cleaning my car. So instead I got the job of which he taught me how to run our lawn mower (simple I know but if you know my dad you know not to touch his tools/equipment/toys without being in his presence for him to properly show you how to use them).

I am excited :) I mowed my first lawn!!

So now I can officially add lawn mowing to my repertoire.

Hey don't judge.....I take pride in all life's little accomplishments.

Lessons learned:
1. Wear bugspray
2. Clip rosebushes out of the way, otherwise you get scratches all up your arm.
3. Lawnmowers suck to push up hill, even with the auto-drive thing.
4. I hate going round and round in circles, so there is no set pattern to how I mow, it's just all over the place....however I got it done :)

In the wise words from Remember the Titans: I want some mow, I want some mow :P

You Spin My Head Right Round

Ok, life is going by way too fast. A week has flown by and I've done so much yet so very little and I feel like time has sped by but dragged on. Is this how adult life is always going to be?! Because if so it's going to take me a bit of time to get used to it!! Either that or it's just a VERY crazy time of the year....either way my head is spinning circles...

We had a very grand time on our little adventure through southern Colorado!! We started Monday night in Sterling picking up Tori and spending the night in her little "cottage". I had a great time grilling her about her new guy, Alan, who had made it to D3 with her (date #3). He's a lawyer....not to be confused with logger depending on who is pronouncing the name ;) He is 47, she's 31 but apparently he looks very young for his age. He's never been married. She likes him...the only hold-up is that he was raised Catholic and she's non-denominational Christian. For those who aren't aware, Catholicism IS a form of Christianity, sort of, but also not really. They pray to Mary and it's basically all about the rituals where as non-denominational Christianity is about a personal relationship with God.

Anywho, we had a great night laughing and chatting. Flank Stank, bottled specifically for you by Britt. This just in: up and coming photographer was strangled to death by her own camera strap by irritated aunt....OH MAN!! Great times :)

Tuesday morning we got up and headed down to the La Junta area with Bent's Fort being our first stop. On the way we stopped in Kit Carson. Word to the wise: if you stop there, there is only one place to go to the restroom and it's a little cafe that charges you either $1.00/person to use the restroom or can be used AFTER PURCHASE of any food stuffs. I got cheese fries....which was fries with a piece of melted American cheese on top. At least I got to pee in their ridiculously small bathroom in which I literally kissed the wall while trying to urinate. The wall was literally RIGHT there. Shelly and I amused ourself by singing, talking, laughing, planning friendship tattoos, and playing Scattergories. List 1, letter D, category insects: Shelly's answer = dead ones. I gave it to her. Really....that was an ingenius answer!!

Bent's Fort was sweet. Got to see peacocks, pet a donkey named Dan, and sat on the floor to take pictures....I love getting down & dirty ;) Then onto Rocky Ford to the Arkansas Valley Bed & Breakfast. CUTE little place, had dinner at Fiesta, laughed and talked and stuffed my face. While at dinner I got a facebook message with blessings from Eric's ex, who also happens to be a friend from high school. Apparently I didn't know what was going on at all as I didn't know they dated until he told me a month or so ago. Anywho, made me crack up :) AND THEN......MAMMA MIA!!! Seriously we had SO much fun watching that movie together....woot woot!!

Next morning awoke to auntie wailing Mamma ready with all four of us gals in one bathroom....mainly me sticking my head out of the shower to comment on random conversations and then fighting over mirror space to do make-up. Headed to Manzanola to visit where auntie & dad grew up, got to see Grams' old house in which I remember looking out the door at a rainbow. Went to 7 Hills.....Shelly and I will RIP her car when the time comes flying it as fast as possible over those hills....mark my words we WILL :) Then headed to Colorado Springs. Went to Seven Falls....climbed lots of steps, had chipmunks run onto Shelly's lap to try and steal her ice cream, loved the beauty of it, and then went to Fargo's for great pizza and wonderful (yet depressing) convo.

Watched He's Just Not That Into You after walking to a gas station to get MUCH craved ice cream. That was a lot of prepositions (inside joke). Slept wonderfully cuddling with Shelly for the third night in a row! Next morning went to enjoy the refreshingly freezing hot tub, coffee. Got ZOO TIME!!

I GOT TO PET A GIRAFFE!!! Seriously, it stood there and let me pet him. PICS TO COME!! Oh and a baby wallabee (sp?) and got to see animals RIDICULOUSLY upclose....heart it! Saw a fish now named Geekfish. Has 2 buckteeth. Wouldnt stop swimming so I could get a pic of it....but it really is the geekiest fish of all.

Came back to Sterling, got to hold/feed/burp my baby niece Adysen...oh how I love babies!! Spent the night at Tori's, enjoyed an early morning trip back to Brighton Friday morning. And VOILA....grand adventure complete.

Oh yes, and I stopped by Eric's work on Friday to surprise him and give him a hug as I haven't seen him since last Sunday and he's with the guys in Wyoming this weekend :) Heart him!!

I found a church I think I really's going to take more than one Sunday to know for sure...but I'm excited!! Spending time with Grams, bike riding, enjoying my afternoon. Job hunting starts hardcore tomorrow....operation fit-back-into-my-clothes starts today. That's it!! I can't afford new clothes and this gaining weight thing has got to stop. I'm still tiny...yes I know...but my ass doesn't fit into ANY of my clothes hardly....want my abs back, wants clothes to fit. Commencing.

Ok, well I'm off finally to go enjoy my's a BEAUTIFUL day outside...though I'm already burned so not too much sun today...that'd be bad.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Roadtrip Time

Shelly and I officially cleaned and moved out of our home today. Of course it was hard but I think doing it together and packing all the last of our stuff into every small inch of Shelly's tiny car made it that much easier. Its still very hard though :( We were able to make it without crying though!!! Go us!!

Tonight we are at Tori's house in Sterling. Tomorrow we embark on Tori, Marci, Shelly & Nicole's Grand Adventure!!

We are traveling down to La Junta to visit Bent's Fort tomorrow and spending the night at a bed & breakfast in Rocky Ford. It serves a teacher educational experience as well as Marci showing Tori where she grew up in that area. Shelly and I basically just invited ourselves on this little trip :) Then wednesday will be spent in Colorado Springs at the Broadmoor and visiting the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo!!! Shelly and I were seriously just talking about how we needed to go there!! Then thursday we travel back to Sterling then back home. Oh picture heaven, here I come. Roadtrips always allow great photo opportunities!!!

I got to spend yesterday with Eric and then also spent the night with him. We are officially in a relationship! :) I find myself so VERY happy being with him. I have a constant smile on my face and giddiness around him but also a very wonderful comfort. I really just being with him and adventuring around. Or like yesterday we spent the afternoon cuddling due to crappy rain. Either way its great :)

I find myself falling in love with him very fast....I'm trying to slow it down. Last thing I need is to freak him out. But I can't help it. My brain says slow down, but I live my life by my heart, and its telling me to just allow myself to fall. All in good time :) I'm already falling in love with him, at whatever speed I allow myself to. And I couldn't be happier or more afraid in my life. Everyone has responded to him positively, which is a first and thrilling for me. Shelly has a "special feeling" about him which I do too and only admit to her. But its also very scary. This is the first time I've fallen in love, the first time I've been so very comfortable around a guy, and its new territory. But I like it!

Ok well I have so much more I need to get out but I'm doing this from my phone and we have some grand adventures to wake up early for tomorrow :) Watch out Colorado, four strong fun woman are out to travel you by storm!!!

good night and happy travels!!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Graduation Day

“I hope your dreams take you... to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.”

Today my brother Kevan graduated from Brighton High School during the 105th commencement exercise as part of the Class of 2009. The last of us older three, who my mom says are thick as thieves, to graduate. Marshall and Kevan are my two partners in crime growing up. For the longest time, us three were as one. Now we have become three branches of a common tree. I find myself torn. I have a hard time with us three flying our own ways, yet I wouldn't want to stay in the past. I enjoy watching them become the men they are becoming; the kind, fun, funny, caring, charismatic, joyful, moody, strong, lovable men they are growing into. Men who make mistakes but love with their whole hearts. Men who know responsibility but have no problem throwing inhibitions to the wind to enjoy this crazy beautiful life.

None-the-less, I am SO VERY PROUD of both of my brothers. Another bittersweet occasion in which I still continue to laugh and cry through, but one in which I stand as the most proud an older sister could possibly stand while watching the growth of two very amazing people.

Of course you know I've been camera happy this morning. The party and family pics come tonight but here is my brother and some of his graduation pics.

My dad got to hand Kevan his diploma since he's on the school was the biggest hug I saw through the entire ceremony and quite honestly made me cry :)

With his diploma in the backyard

With his best friend Tiana

The M.O.B.

You HAVE to have the jumping pic :)

Adoration :)

Eric and I went out to dinner and then a movie tonight :)

Watched Terminator Salvation....which honestly I walked out of loving despite the fact that I just thought I would enjoy it. Really good movie, glad Eric "dragged" me to it though at one point I jumped pretty damn bad at an unexpected

We then went back and had a very sweet old-fashioned kissing session :)

I proceeded to also admit to him that I am starting to fall in love with him. He smiled and answered by asking me to be with him :D I can't even describe how my heart feels right now. Very excited and very fluttery to say the least!!

I always thoroughly enjoy my time with him and find myself craving more. Not because I need it but because it's nice, it's comfortable and it's something I would like. I really enjoy my time spent with him, I enjoy his company, I enjoy his laugh and car sounds, I enjoy his enthusiasm, I love how he just goes with life, and I enjoy that I'm so comfortable and able to be myself around him.

Anywho, I should probably get to bed as I have to wake up early for Kevo's graduation in the morning!!! Just got in and HAD to blog :)

Oh Eric Aragon.....

Friday, May 22, 2009

First Date

Eric and I are going on our first official "date" tonight :) He makes my heart SO excited all the time!!!

On other news I finished Operation Slideshow...I had to make a slideshow for my brother's graduation party only took me days...but I got it finished. Call me Bond, James Bond.

Kevan graduates tomorrow...from high school. Let me repeat this, my littler brother graduates tomorrow from high school. W-O-W!! I feel SO old right now!! More old than when I graduated a couple days ago. I still imagine him and his friends running around, shorter than me....not as young men graduating high school and running off to college and sex, drugs & rock n' roll. Just not how I still imagine my brothers. I guess my mind still lives in the past sometimes with them. But it is really cool getting to watch them take flight.

My wish for them is that this life becomes all that they want it to, that their dreams stay big and their worries stay small, and they never carry more than they can hold. And while they are out there I hope they know that someone loves them :) Just like the song says. I hope they know that I will always be one of their biggest cheerleaders in life, supporting and cheering them on as they race towards their dreams...I just hope I scream loud enough for them to know that I'm always there for them! ;)

Alright, well I need to go mosey on up to the shower and find some smokin outfit to wear!! Ok yeah right, I don't own any smokin outfits but we'll see what I can drudge up for this date :)

Bon nuit

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Driving Range

Living back at home has been a VERY tough transition so far and I can honestly say I don't think it's been in a good way. My parents and I are just butting heads WAY too much....they still don't treat or talk to me as an adult. Rather like their daughter that's still in middle school. We've already gotten in plenty of arguments...more than I would care to. I knew it would happen but we've had more fights in two weeks than we've had in the past five months or so. That's not a good sign. We'll see what happens though. I'm not quite sure how long I will last here. I have a feeling before too long I'll wind up moving in at my aunt's. I realize it's going to start a whole new family fued but I can't do it.

What gets me more than anything is that my parents haven't really taken the time to get to know me in the past four years. They still see me as the person I was living in their house when I was in high school but I've drastically changed in many ways since then. But especially in the past year, they haven't really talked to me. They didn't know who I was before so they wouldn't really see the change anyway I guess but they don't even take the time to get to know me. They think they know who I am but in reality, the Nicole they know is so drastically different from even the Nicole they knew 10 months ago.

I have my own lifestyle and it's incredibly hard to merge my lifestyle and my individuality with my parents lifestyle. In comparison with their very ultra-conservative views and opinions on a lot of things I'm a flaming liberal and I'm really not even that liberal at all!!

Anywho, coming back has been a little hard. However, I'm trying to keep my head on straight and help get through all the graduation stuff without any more arguments. It's just hard though. This household is just so darn negative and controlling.

Eric and I went to the driving range today :) I actually didn't do too bad. I can't hit the ball massive distances or anything but I hit it farther than I thought I was going to. And I must admit I was hitting pretty damn consistent!! I surprised even myself!! I remember not being very good at golf at all and pretty much just hitting the ball to hit the ball and literally chasing it all over the fairway. Apparently my driving skills have become better despite the fact that I haven't picked up my clubs for six years :)

I must say I thoroughly enjoy spending time with Eric!! He is helping to get me outside like I want.....which is more thrilling to me than I think most people understand. I really enjoy trying new things though I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not really good at much, not athletically gifted in any sense, and highly uncoordinated (I have two legs worth of bruises to prove it). It was also fun to watch him hit the ball :) It was a very good view on my part and I just really enjoy watching him....learning his facial expressions, mannerisms, and the way he moves. Call me crazy but I love to watch those I become close to and learn all those things and I find learning them one of the funnest things....I think just because it tells so much about them. It also doesn't hurt that I'm extremely EXTREMELY attracted to him :)

Last night I went over to Wash Park with him in downtown Denver. We rode our bikes there (I must say that was a difficult bike ride for me, more difficult than I thought it was going to be....meaning I need to get back in biking shape!) and then played frisbee for awhile. Another sport I'm going to have to practice at to get better but it was a blast. Poor Eric was running all over the place as I can't seem to figure out how to throw the friz consistently but that's ok. I just really enjoyed the time with him :) Ok I keep saying that but it's SO true!!! It's ridiculous. He puts a big smile on my face!!!

Oh I'm so excited for the pool to open!!! I've missed the's not a REAL summer until you've lived at the least in my mind :)

Not to mention this albino skin needs to get a little bit of color!! That's my goal, get a tan, have a blast with Eric, get a job, enjoy my summer, relax, and live it up!!

Oh I'm so excited for what's developing between Eric and I :)

Oh yes also very exciting news....Eric and I are going out on a date on friday evening....yes a date, a real date, a real live dinner date!! (insert big cheesy grin) Um, butterflies!!!

Hehehehe....ok well I should be working on stuff for Kevan's graduation but I'm very bored. This house is filled with so little interaction it's not even funny. I miss Shelly coming home and talking my ear off and asking me how my day was and what I've been up to and then convincing me to watch movies instead of doing homework. AHHHH!!!! She wrote this note on facebook today that made me cry so hard....oh I read it and I couldn't hold it in :( The water works just turned on again. I miss Shelly and Britt....I can't handle this. I miss my home. I miss my roommates. I miss their quirks. I miss ALL of it. AHHHHH bah....this sucks.

Ok I'm all over the place today. I'm gonna go, my brain is starting to run just a little too fast for even my fingers to keep up with now....

Bon nuit

Monday, May 18, 2009

Emotional Touch....Touching My Skin

Friday May 15th at 7:30pm, I graduated and joined the world of CSU Alum. My "diploma" in hand I will admit I'm a little scared to face this big ol' scary world but SO excited!! It's been an emotional ride to say the least.

I write this laying in my Brighton. It's still odd being back here. I expect to be headed back to Fort Collins at any time now and it just won't happen. This is my place in the world for now.

It was so hard leaving and saying goodbye. I have been an emotional rollercoaster the past week. I cried after finals, not because I was done with finals and exhausted (though that might have contributed to my low emotional threshold) but because goodbye was coming. For the first time in my life it's been SO hard to say goodbye. A great year gone, a "family" I'm no longer living with, and my home that no longer exists. The night before Shelly's graduation I bawled, at her graduation I was SO proud of her and bawled, moving home after having given Britt the last hug I will for awhile and moving stuff home I bawled. Shelly came up Saturday and stayed over and it was bittersweet. She has really become one of my best friends. I drove her to Colorado Springs yesterday and we spent the ride blasting Celine Dion and Lady Gaga. Oh I'm still not ready.....but here comes goodbye. When we hugged yesterday I didn't want to let go....but when we did we said "see you....soon". That was hard. I'm used to "see you in a few hours!"

Now I have to find a job. YIKES!! I'm not quite sure how I'm going to but I will eventually. I want something relaxing, I want to enjoy this summer, I want to have a little bit of fun this summer, before I work full-time and rest before nursing school.

I got to meet Eric's parents last night! Lorenzo and Jeannette (spelling?). They are two very sweet easygoing people :) Lorenzo's stories made me laugh and Jeannette had a very welcoming personality and can chat someone's ear off!! I think next time I'm going to talk about pictures and have her bust out old pictures of Eric....he said she would and I didn't want to say anything the first time around but second time around is fair game :)

It was a very great evening....we sat out on the back porch eating and talking, it was a beautiful day, there were a lot of laughs all around....those are the kind of days I live for. Nothing too extraordinary but what makes life worth it.

We also played a couple games of Wii....he kicked my butt at bowling, tennis, and this awful cow racing game in which I may have lost point wise but I won in terms that I took out more trees than he did with my cow ;) We also played a game of pool in which despite all his bragging, I schooled him!! :) It was so was cute to watch him get all worked up over having been beat by me!!

We also watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button....long movie but still pretty good. At least it didn't make me cry! And of course we cuddled on the couch, holding hands and caressing each other's cheeks. A lot of cheek kisses :) A lot of breath taking kisses, a couple intense electrical-filled moments of kissing, a lot of smiling and enjoying the moment. Very addicting and comfortable in every way possible.

When I hugged him goodnight, I loved the big hug he put me in. And the three little kisses before we got in our cars to go separate ways (he headed back to his place in Denver).

This week we're going to go hit the driving range...I found my golf clubs!!! I can't play a round of golf yet as I haven't golfed in six years but the driving range would be excelleng :) and I need to go find a swimsuit...the pool at his place is almost filled!! You can bet I am going to love hanging out in that pool!! Oh how I love summer!!

This week has been full of emotional touches....a lot of hugs, laughs, tears, kisses, caresses, handholding, hand-clapping, etc. It's been hard and easy, bittersweet and loved. I wouldn't trade any of it for a's how I know I'm alive.

I've figured out what my next tattoo is going to be. It's going to be the words "I Love You" in latin on the side of my foot....the three most important words you can ever hear in this life. This week has reminded me of that :)

Shelly and I after her commencement ceremony

Friday, May 15, 2009

Graduation Day

Today I become a CSU a few hours I walk across the stage, accept my "diploma", and continue on with the rest of my life.

Sorta scary. Sorta surreal. Bittersweet yet exciting.

I can't turn back now, bottoms up!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Lunch @ 8 A.M.

Finals.....can't wait to be done!!!

My sleep/eating schedule is so off. I have been going to bed at 1am and getting up at 3/4am to study as all my finals have been 7am-ers. Which means that I don't really sleep, I just rejuvenate my exhaustion point so that I can finish making it to the next test. And eating happens when my stomach growls, which is never at a normal hour.

Today are my last two finals. I woke up at 3am, took a shower, threw on clothes and headed to Alley Cat at 4:30am to study for my final this morning at 7:30. Do you know how illegal that should be?! I just ate lunch at!

One more final at 1:30pm and I'm done!! I think I bombed my last one though....but I've heard that he has killer curves, which is what I'm praying for.

What's this you ask?! Oh yes, this is me getting back to cramming....a little less than five hours to cram for final #5.

Update at 4pm

Done with finals.....absolutely exhausted.....going to bed and letting my body rest.

I'm a CSU Alum. How more school....really it's sorta freaky. Not sure how to process it.

I'm sure it will hit me once I get some sleep :)

Buenos noches for now!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

More Moments

I wish I could capture these moments with a Kodak camera. They will be the memories that will fade but I want to cling to. This year has been full of them, cherished and loved I want to save them.

This is the last week of us three living together. Britt is studying, I'm semi-studying and packing, Shelly is cleaning. There is music playing, lots of random side conversations and laughs to be had. Doesn't sound like much but I love it.

Shelly and I make a late night run to King Soopers for ice cream. When we come back we are joined by Eamonn and his dog Lokie. Tinks lays in my window perpetually staring at the outside world. A moth flies around my room. Two bikes lean against the wall after having had one stolen I'm not willing to take any more risks than possible with them. A couple half-paked boxes/bags lay around my room, a pile of hangers in one corner. Boxes are spread through our house and laundry is in baskets and drying on the back of kitchen chairs.

It's hard to explain but this has become my home. This is where I'm comfortable, where I can be myself, where I am free and open and genuine. Where we live in support and synergy of each other, supporting and challenging each other, holding each other accountable but responsible for our own selves. A place free of judgment, full of diversity, and open to all who need a place to come. There are no deadlines, no expectations, simply living together. There is no need for sophistication and things to look excellent, we simply live as this is our home.

Shelly and I have agreed, moving back with our parents will not be our home. It's where we will stay but it's not home. This has become our home, and it's SO hard to leave. It's the first home I've had where I've really felt as at-home as I do.

I want to capture this moment, this energy, this feeling, this genuinity, this free atmosphere. Unfortunately no kodak picture could ever capture all of that and express it unto others. But I will capture it here in this blog, trying through my words to capture a memory that will fade but I want to hold dear.

These are the moments I will miss most when I move back to Brighton. I will miss my home, I will miss my "family", and I will miss all that comes with it.

Early Morning Finals

I hate early morning finals....not only does it suck getting up early, it sucks getting up even earlier to study.

I don't feel so great....I actually feel quite sick to my stomach and like I'm about to pass out. Gotta love it. Awake at 3am, biking to campus at 6am, wtf?!

After 9am, I'll have 2 1/2 down and 1 1/2 to go!

Naptime this afternoon for sure....and then back to the grind....studying to wrap up this degree.


Got my cap & gown this afternoon.....scary scary thought!!! I'm going to be a college grad in a couple of days....whuda thunk it?! Surely not me!! I feel like I just graduated high school college....what's next?!

Monday, May 11, 2009


Eric and I hung out on Saturday.

Butterflies and electricity.

He gives me butterflies....hardcore. I'm so comfortable around him, I love looking at his warm eyes and welcoming smile. I love to listen to his laugh and car sounds and random stories.

His touch sends electricity through my body. Literally. It's hard to describe other than his touch makes my skin tingle. The feel of his hands in mine is better than anything I've ever felt before.

We cuddled a little on the couch watching Slumdog Millionaire. Bliss.

We then cuddled in his bed watching X-Men. We kissed a little bit. His kisses make my heart race and take my breath away. Warm, light, passionate....everything I've ever wanted. Gentle, soft, juicy lips. Attraction all around.

Cuddling up on his shoulder with my arms around him is something I can easily get addicted to. It feels so incredibly right. More right than anything I've ever felt with any other guy. It's taking me by surprise.

I've never felt this way before. It's indescribable. It's exciting. It makes me nervous. It makes me happy.

I'm trying very hard not to fall.....but somehow I know for the first time in my life I'm falling in love. Trying very hard not to but struggling against already falling in love with Eric despite what every rational cell in my mind and body tells me to do.

I won't regret it, I know that's for sure. I just don't know if it's too soon. How soon are you supposed to fall in love with someone?! How soon is too soon?! I've never fallen in love with anyone before. I made myself fall "in love" before because I wanted to be in love. It wasn't really. That I regret. But this, even if this doesn't work out, I won't regret it. Because I'm trying not to let myself, but it's happening anyway.

Oh silly little girl, your heart runs wild.

But this is one man I don't mind it running wild for. This time it's not a mistake, it's so completely right and healthy.

So weird to say that, I've never liked anyone in a healthy way, never had a healthy relationship. This is healthy. And I can recognize that. Even if I am a silly little girl whose heart is running wild, it's in a healthy and natural way.

I can't stop the electricity, I can't stop the falling....but I like it. I like this new electricity, I like this healthy subtle excitement, I like the comfort, I like my breath being taken away.

For the first time, this is something I want. Not in the bad way, not in the needy way. I don't need Eric. I don't need his attention, I don't need his affection, and I don't need to be with him all the time. However I want to be with him, I want to spend time on adventures, I want to see his warm smile, I want to hear his laugh, I want to feel his hand in mine, I want his happiness.

Electricity. Breath-taking. Trying not to fall....but falling anyway....

P.S. I have a new to come soon :) It's a 1983 Trek!

Countdown to Graduation

Oh wow, four days....four days and I'm an official CSU Alum. I'm really not quite sure how I got here and where the last four years of my life went....but they went somewhere apparently.

It's scary and exciting all rolled into one. There are SO many amazing opportunities awaiting me, but it's scary as this life is all that I know. I'm getting ready to start a whole new chapter in my life. Um, that's so scary. Nothing in my life is planned out and I sorta like it, but at the same time it leaves me feeling "empty" on another level. I'm used to going and going and going and running towards the next "deadline"....what's that next deadline I wonder.

I cried this morning. This last school year has been a roller coaster. But it's been a beautiful, wonderful, crazy, exciting, growing, learning, adventurous, spontaneous, passionate, heart-filled roller coaster. And along the way, I have had a handful of friends who have gotten me by and become irreplacable people in my life in one sense or another. I'm realizing I'm going to have to leave this past wonderful year and these wonderful people in a few short days....and it breaks my heart. They have stood by my side, supported me, encouraged me to jump (in both good and bad ways), held my hand, laughed/cried with me, followed me through my drama, strengthened me, brought me down, left me standing alone, called me at all hours of the night, loved me, and rooted for me through it all. This doesn't happen often, and I'm going to miss them all. I know we will all keep in some sort of communication but it just won't be the same. I won't have these same amazing woman so close by my side.

Alyssa - my crazy hippie friend who has taught me the value of living passionately by my heart, having fun, and going with the flow of things. My friend who has taught me that life needs to be adventurous and even when I completely stand alone, crazy & distressed, I need to be who I am and can be loved for every crazy angle of myself. The same friend who has encouraged me to push boundaries and jump at every opportunity to get up and go but taught me the value of the consequences of my actions.

Kim & Jess - who have become close friends who love to do random things with me and who have no problem having explicit sexual conversations with me. Who take me for who I am and just keep me level-headed.

Britt - though she hasn't been there as much she has taught me the value of being true to yourself, being authentic, and holding yourself accountable. The same girl who has showed me how wrong I can be when I stereotype someone and has blown me away with her quirks that I have come to love. I look up to her and think she will make a remarkable woman and role model, even if she chooses to never get married and have kids. She's taught me it's ok to defy everything people think I am as long as it's done with good intentions, integrity, and heart.

Shelly - she has become one of my best friends. She's made me more girlie than I ever thought imagineable but has showed me that once again, people will love you for who you are if you are honest and true to yourself. She has been a genuine and loving friend, one who has kept me accountable without being my mother, who has laughed with me, cooked with me, procrastinated with me, listened to me talk and cry, shared stories with me, spent late nights laughing and laughing with me. She has shown me that true friends aren't afraid to text me at 3am to ask me to bring her sunglasses to work, true friends aren't afraid to use me in all the right ways and allow me to use them in all the same ways back. She has showed me how support can come in a form of a shoulder, smile, laugh, or hug. She is one of those people that currently in my life, even though I don't believe I'll have a maid of honor, would be a strong candidate for, because Shelly is just that great of a friend.

Of course all of my old friends I still hold close and dear to my heart, but these woman have been a stronghold in my life this past year, in ways I can't describe or tell to anyone who hasn't experienced them firsthand. They are the people who helped to mold one of the best years of my life. Like I said, it was a crazy drama-filled adventurous year, but because they were there, I have more wonderful memories than I ever thought I could have put into nine months. I love these women, what they each stand for, and who they are.

I sit here looking at my future, and my future holds wonderful things. Things I won't even be able to imagine, but it doesn't make the pain of leaving such wonderful people and memories behind any easier. It's never been hard for me to say goodbye before. At high school graduation even, I didn't cry. There weren't people in my life that I was leaving that had impacted and touched me as much as people this year have. But this year, saying goodbye is one of the hardest things I'll do. Harder than making life altering decisions, harder than recognizing the stupidity of certain decisions, and harder than going through the crazy ass emotions that came with family and boy drama.

Here comes goodbye.......well rather, "see you later".

Graduation in four days...yikes....three more finals to go after the one this morning. CSU Alum status soon. Working world adult soon. Life unknown soon.

Thanking God it's this hard to say goodbye.....that means something great and magical has happened in my life....means that I've been touched deeply and passionately. Thank you God.

Friday, May 08, 2009


So I'm spending time I should be spending studying looking at roadbikes because I am missing my roadbike SOOOO much!!!

I went down to Denver yesterday to get my parents Durango so I could move my dresser home for my brother who just moved back home. I also had to fill my birth control perscription so I texted Eric and let him know I was in the general vicinity :)

We went and studied at this cute little coffee shop in Denver called The Market. It's down by the 16th Street Mall area. Oh I loved it!!! You can sit out and people watch and enjoy the beautiful weather and I got to spend time with Eric and yes, I actually DID study!!!

We then went back and grabbed the bikes to go bike riding. He and his brother have a couple of fixed gears and we took this little path that runs by his apartments and goes all over. OH HOW IT MADE ME MISS MY BIKE EVEN MORE!!!

I rode my mountain bike the other day for the first time and it was ok but honestly it sucked. I was always told that after riding roadbikes I'd never want to go back to mountain bikes. Very true, not to mention that mine really actually sucks. The brakes drag on the tire, the seat is jammed down making it hard to ride, and it's just NOT a roadbike. It's hard to explain but I don't like it!! So I'm looking at roadbikes. I have a couple appts set up so that I can go look at them. I'm hoping to make the purchase here soon. Two of them are asking $200 which is not bad at all!!! And one is asking $325, which is a little pricey but still not bad. I'm also going to go check out Recycled Cycles after class today and see what they have.

Eric has me all sorts of excited!!! It was first just so great to get out and ride for the first time in such a long time. But it was great to get out and ride with HIM!!! I've never had a guy I like or boyfriend do that sort of thing with me. We've talked about going to Waterworld, biking, boating, and all sorts of other activities....and he loves doing things!!! Oh I can't even tell you how much I love that!!!

He is such a sweetie too!! He helped me to fix up a picture yesterday of my brother Kevan swimming that I want to have printed for him. He literally spent a half hour working on this photo for me just because I simply asked him. Like really?!?! Really?!?! How has this sweet active amazing man been right in front of me for years and I didn't ever talk to him!!

Ok anyway, I'm going back to drooling over roadbikes!!!

Eric and I are meeting up again on Saturday as I'll be in Denver again and we're going to go ride bikes again :) Oh that boy makes me smile like none other...SOO Excited....both for the bike and hanging out with him again!!!


Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Falling In Love

Bittersweet feelings are always....well bittersweet. I don't know how to handle them. I want to rejoice and cry all at the same time.

I am graduating in less than two weeks. Scary thought but really it's just another step. I knew I was moving home to live with my parents and work while applying to nursing school....but the reality is finally hitting me, becoming real in my mind.

I have lived on my own for four years now...well almost. I've had more than my share of roommates, some good, some bad....and now two great roommates. It's hard moving home....but when I go from living with two great women to moving into the atmosphere that's my home, it's going to be a really rough transition. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to stay optimistic, just realizing it's going to be really tough.

My parents expect me to convert back to their lifestyle. But I've lived my own lifestyle for four years now. We have to meet in the middle and I'm not sure they are willing to. We'll see what happens.

But what I'm most sad for is losing the friendship and bond that I've made with my roommates this year. Especially Shelly.

I love Britt. I love her authenticity, her passion, her drive, her honesty, her whininess, her laziness, her crazy boyfriend and crazy busy schedule, her story telling, her laugh, her crazy fashion habits, and how she never ceases to amaze me. I'm going to miss Eamonn coming and going freely out of our house. I thrive in that environment.

But Shelly and I have also grown incredibly close. I really do love Shelly. We literally spend hours a day together. We have learned each other's quirks, our flaws, our strengths, our weaknesses, and how to interact. And I must say we interact really well. She keeps me in check and me her. We remind each other of things in life that we know the other needs reminding of. We aren't afraid to ask for help or text at all hours of the night for reminders or to ask favors.

We have learned how to be comfortable and ourselves. We literally pee with the door open around each other, don't mind walking around in our underwear, showering naked in the locker rooms after swimming, how to vent without taking it out on the other, how to keep each other in check without being each other's mom.

I'm going to miss nights cooking, running errands for crafts stuff or groceries, movie nights avoiding homework, rearranging living room furniture, cleaning, dancing, singing, laughing, joking, etc. We know how to cheer each other up and support each other in a good way. We both can talk freely about any subject without fear of judgment and can "agree to disagree". How often do you find friends like this, let alone roommates?!

I'm going to miss them. And because of the dynamics of our relationships, how open and honest we are, how non-judgmental we are, and how we interact without taking things out on the other.....well it's going to make it hard to move back home in which that's not the dynamics with my parents.

I'm going to miss them. But we can't stay where we are in life forever. It's a bittersweet feeling. I'm blessed to have spent the last nine months of my life living with them, but I'm going to miss them and miss how easy it's been to live with them.

I fell in love with my I'll have to leave them. Bah.

Monday, May 04, 2009

There's A Wocket in My Pocket

Hehehehe Shelly and I went to Barnes & Noble today so she could try to find the book "Oh! The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess.......20 minutes later we are sitting on a very very small bench reading Dr. Suess books and cracking up in the middle of the children's corner :)

It was an absolutely wonderful time!!!

We honestly had the absolutely best time, and I found the whole thing absolutely entertaining....going back through my childhood :)

By the way, my ALL-TIME favorite episode of Will & Grace is the Kevin Bacon's what I'm watching right now and it most definitely is the best one, hands

Oh and I was most definitely enjoying the Golden Girls marathon on the Hallmark Channel this past weekend....I know I'm ridiculous but that's A-OK with me!!!

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Fancy Party!!! - updated

Fancy Party is tonight!!! :)

So excited!!

Eric is coming up....don't know if any of my other friends are showing up or not. We'll see. It's probably going to be more low-key this time but we always have fun with it.

Check back at this post later for pics....I'll upload them tomorrow I'm sure :)



So the fancy party last night was absolutely wonderful....I felt amazing in my dress (even if I had it pinned in four areas to keep it up), we all had fun dressing up, Eamonn and Graham got the party rockin, Shelly and I danced it up, and Eric came up and looked handsome to the T's :)

Eamonn and Graham came over at 6pm, before any of us girls were ready and started drinking, meaning they were already a little drunk by the time 8pm rolled around. But Shelly and I had fun baking in our dresses a little bit at the end (pigs in a blankets really doesn't involve much) and then dancing our little tails off.

Eric showed up around 9ish. He looked absolutely handsome :) Shelly and Britt really like him. He's just very laidback and easygoing. Britt said she was surprised at how short he is (my height) and then Shelly said she was really surprised how goodlooking he is (!) but they both really enjoyed his company.

Eric and I ended up staying up until 4am, cuddling and talking. We kissed!! Just a couple innocent kisses but enough to make my heart flutter in a way it hasn't ever fluttered before. We both talked about just enjoying being together and how much of a shock it is but how comfortable we are with everything that's going on.

I can't wait to see him again :)

I downed a bottle-and-a-half of Boone's farm and then a couple glasses of whiskey & sprite.....I'm a little tired today. Not hungover, just a little tired. But it was an amazing night :)

smokin hot hostess'

eric and i