Last night was another fun night among others.
It was the first time I've gotten drunk enough to be sick.
I know that drinking makes me have to pee. I know that when I hit that point of my teeth and nose feeling numb/tingly that it's time to stop. But I don't think I ever slowed down long enough to notice that point.....until it was a little too late.
Jenna, Daniel, Dakota, Eric and I hit up the Giggling Grizzly first. The town was a little bit slow when we started around 9:30 but once the Rockies won things got busy fast. We had a couple drinks there then decided to go to LoDo's....which I absolutely love the two times I've been there because I get to dance and it's a very open atmosphere which makes it that much better :) Eric actually allowed me to buy a couple shots and then I bought him a beer and me a drink!! Two drinks....I was allowed to pay for two drinks!! Hells yeah!!
But between the shots we did there and the drinks at Giggling Grizzly, I found myself feeling pretty good around 1am. We left and went home, of which I was feeling completely fine until we hit the elevator going up. We got to his door and all I could think was "I really need air and I need to cool down".
I've really learned a few things about my body. The first is that when anything goes wrong at all, my body can't regulate it's own temperature and I get very very hot. Which also turns into a really horrendous nauseousness. And the only way I can make my body feel ok is by cooling it down....and I've learned this can be achieved by laying my head (and if I can do it my stomach) on a cold surface or simply opening the freezer and laying my head and hands in there to cool down. And the more cold I can make myself the better I feel.
So last night when I hit the balcony I immediately laid down on the really cold concrete. It felt utterly fantastic with how incredibly fast and how horribly hot my body had just gotten. Bless his heart Eric automatically got a trash can just in case (didn't use it....I also learned my body really doesn't throw up unless it absolutely needs to....which it didn't last night) and a pillow and a blanket and he cuddled up right next to me. He was freezing his ass off but he kept making sure I was ok. The only reason he left my side was when I told him to because I really felt like I was about to hurl and didn't want to make THAT much of a fool of myself in front of him.
I ended up falling asleep out there until around 4am when I literally couldn't handle being that cold so came inside where he had set up a little sleeping bag for me and I laid right next to the balcony door where the cold air could still hit my face and keep the fresh air coming.
This morning even he kept making sure I was ok....lounging with me all morning while I fought with severe nausea. I really felt like a fool. I wasn't expecting to ever be that drunk last night or have that reaction to what I had drinken. I'm not used to others taking care of me, so that was different, but also very nice. It was very very sweet of him, especially how enthusiastic he was doing it.
There was also another first on my end last night. When we were out and about I was dancing of course and Eric seems to enjoy dancing with me which I absolutely love. We also have a tendency to kiss a lot as we enjoy kissing each other and alcohol intensifies my desire to kiss, especially with him. At one point while we were dancing he made the comment that he felt bad for the other guys because it was obvious we are crazy about each other. I don't think he had any idea just exactly how true that rings for me. While we were laying out on the cold balcony and I was cuddled up next to him, and it was really cute how excited and devoted he was to making sure I was ok. And though my head was spinning I just couldn't help but be very overwhelmed with the affections I have towards him.....it's in those little moments that how much I love him comes to the surface and takes me by surprise. Well last night I couldn't hold back any longer.
I told him that I didn't expect any response from him and didn't want him to say it until he meant it but I told him that I loved him. I do love him.
It scares the shit out of me. More so now than ever before because it makes me very very vulnerable, which I can handle but I've never been this vulnerable before. I've never let myself be this vulnerable towards someone else in this manner.
He didn't say anything in return. Which I was expecting. I don't expect him to have the same reciprocal feelings for me....as I started falling in love with him very fast. And I DON'T want him to say he loves me when he really doesn't. But I just had to tell him last night while I was lying there.
The good part is he didn't go running in the other direction screaming. But I think I might have scared him just a little bit saying that. I could be wrong but I think I may have freaked him out just a tidbit.
If I did, I hope he knows that I wasn't saying it because I want to marry him tomorrow or am going to be some crazy clingy girlfriend now (man girls are psycho in that way I've found) but I was saying it because I mean it and I just wanted him to know. I'm not going to say it again as I'm not going to freak him out but last night I just had to make it known.
I just hope it doesn't make anything awkward.
Though we seem to be very good at getting through awkward things as I've found out this last weekend.
There's a first for everything. Last night:
First sickly drunken night
First time someone has had to take care of me when sick
First time telling Eric I loved him
I wonder what other firsts will happen in the near future. Never know. I guess I'll find out when those firsts happen :)