Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Eric and I at Kev's grad party
Falling in love with Eric has to be one of the best feelings ever!!
I just got back from hanging out with him at his place and it's amazing how much somebody can lift your spirits sometimes :)
I really love that I can be my goofy self around him and he seems to find most of it cute or amusing. I like that he's caught onto the fact that I live in flip-flops, that pattern & color coordination sometimes means absolutely nothing to me, and that I dance a lot when I hear music.
I like that I can talk to him about whatever it is I need to and I can approach tough situations with him and I'm met with welcoming eyes and open ears and a hug afterwards.
He really impressed me yesterday....in a way that I don't think he even understands.
Tyler is a good friend from high school, albeit he is a very sexually connotated person. He has made it very clear he's attracted to me....yet he's respected the boundaries I have placed in light of dating Eric and falling in love with him and not wanting anything to even come close to messing with that.
Tyler invited me to go watch The Hangover yesterday (funny movie fyi) just as friends...he was bored since it was his day off and I was bored too so we planned to meet. I texted Eric all excited as we both want to see the movie and he asked who I was going with and so of course I'm honest. As was he. He said it wasn't his first choice of someone going out with his girlfriend alone. I immediately wanted to make sure he was comfortable with it....if Eric isn't comfortable I'm not going to go. Not only was Tyler texting me that if Eric wasn't comfortable with it then it was fine, he understood, didn't want to step on Eric's toes or make him mad, and we could hang out some other time (which impressed me coming from the angle of a guy friend); but after letting Eric know all that, Eric texted me back telling me to go ahead, that he didn't want me to just be sitting around all the time and that he trusted me :)
I've been in very jealous relationships....in which the guys couldn't even handle me having guy friends....let alone hanging out with them alone to go watch a movie as friends. The fact that Eric was ok to let me do that....though I know he wasn't very wild about it....impressed me to smithereens.
But more so than that....Eric was able to do that and honestly say he trusted me. And he put his $$$ where his mouth is so to speak. That means SOOOOOO much to me. Mike and Scott said that a lot....but they really didn't trust me. If I so much as talked to another guy sometimes, huge arguments ensued. Eric said it, meant it, and really does trust me. He allowed me to go hang out with a friend and have a good time, no matter that Tyler is a guy.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is trust....and Eric really showed me that he really does trust me. That really meant the world to me. Really, it absolutely truly did.
However, I have made it a mental note that I need to be very careful to not tarnish that trust. Not that I would do anything to jeopardize it in any way shape or form, but I also need to be sensitive to Eric's trust and not take advantage. I even told Eric that he really does need to let me know if something really does make him uncomfortable and he's not ok with it as I don't want to tarnish his trust. I want him to feel open enough to say "Hey, I'm not ok with that actually". He CAN and HAS the right to say that to me if I step over any line he's not cool with.
FYI....side note: I have no respect for cheaters. I would NEVER cheat on anyone in a million years, I know how painful it is. I found out Eric's brother was cheated on and I instantly lost any respect I could have ever had for his now ex. It infuriates me though....why do people cheat?!?! I mean really....if you like someone else enough to cheat, why don't you just leave the one you're cheating on?! You can't have your cake and eat it too....it's rude, it's painful and it's just not right. That's someone's heart you are messing with in a completely not-good way. Not cool.
I really do love Eric. Wow, it feels good to say that :) I still haven't told him I loved him. I'm waiting until he does....I don't want to scare him or rush him. So for once I can wait until he feels the same way :) It doesn't make it any harder to keep it in though. I caught myself today....I almost said it at one point, even though it would have been in a playful manner, still didn't want to scare him.
I'm very much excited to see what keeps developing between us :) It's a very beautiful journey thus far and I'm sure the ride only gets better!!