Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Next Year of My Life

Since the informational meeting I have found myself pondering on what the next year is going to hold.

I know that on some instances I am not going to be happy. I will have to move from a community I love, away from the most amazing roommates I've had, leave behind a school that feels like home and that I fit into, leave behind everything I know, a group of people my age who understand me.....all to dive into the real world.

That means diving into a community that doesn't understand what I'm going through in life, a community that isn't what I'm used to (not as passionate, isn't into the same justice that I'm into....environmental, social). I feel as though getting into the real-world I'm diving into a pool of people who are even more self-absorbed than us college students are. I think a large part of that deals with the social aspect I'm used to. I'm used to being a part of a tight-knit community that is socialable, flexible, helpful to each other.

I'm thoroughly not looking forward to leaving a place I fit in with people I feel comfortable around to hop into a community I never felt comfortable in to begin with (the community of Brighton).

However, these are a few things I think I'm going to do to keep my sanity and keep moving forward. I can't stand feeling as though I'm stagnant, not moving forward in some sense. I think I'm going to get my phlebotomy certification (bloodwork) and probably take an EMT class. I will review my anatomy book and if I have time and am really motivated, might work towards obtaining my Personal Fitness Trainer licensure. I need to renew my First Aid, CPR & AED licensures. And somewhere in all that mix I want to travel a bit.

I'm not looking forward to May. I have a werid feeling that it's going to feel in my life as though I'm standing still. I hate that feeling. I don't always need to be going higher and higher but I need to move forward with my life to stay sane. And having to wait and not move on to finish my second degree right away is going to stiffle me, literally. Or at least I have that sense.

I know I should look on the bright side but when working towards something constantly is all I know I'm fearful of the future.

This semester has become something of a hassle. Senioritis has fully set in. I am busy ALL day long doing work/school/meetings/working out etc. I have a very limited time to do homework and by the time I get to it I'm tired and want to do something brainless like sitting on blogger or watching a movie. I refuse to give up working out this semester as my health is very important to me. That includes staying physically active and it WILL be a priority in my life from here on out.

I have no passion for my degree, whatsoever and I think that is what makes it the worst. I have found first that I'm not interested in nutrition in the way it's taught. I have no desire for nutrition-related research or developing nutrition-related programs. I am really tired of focusing only on obesity and Type II diabetes. I have three professors who are teaching us how to find and us journal articles. Most of the nutrition concentrations aren't familiar with this. However as nutrition & fitness concentration, some of us have to take Exercise Physiology which you use journal articles for everything. In the lab, you learn how to write abstracts for them! You have to research them, you have to learn how to read them. Now in three classes I'm "learning" how to look them up on databases. It's literally boring me to tears.

One of my classes is a one-credit-hour class labeled Nutrition & Chronic Disease. Thus far, he's spent three class periods ranting about poverty. I spent two hours today learning about language styles middle class vs. poverty and hidden rules in our class systems. What the hell does this have to do with nutrition & chronic disease?!?! At the end he went on a 15-minute tyrade about how men treat women poorly and objectify them and he challenged the men to break that mold. He then switched over to how this doesn't mean he's against the military, they do need help when they get back from war and then lectured us about how to help them get help. Seriously?! I'm paying for this?!

Anywho, it's become really hard for me to focus and care. When it comes down to the future of my life, these classes don't matter. I'm not interested and am much more focused on what I'm passionate about and what is in my future....which is not this. I'm trying hard to focus, especially with 17 credit hours. But it's getting hard.

Anyways, I'm off my tyrant. I'm just a little pessimistic right now. I'm sorry that came through on my blog. It's jsut how I feel at the moment. Which I know is not me. I'll look on the bright side and stop bitching here soon...I promise :)

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