Friday, October 16, 2009

Looking Forward To:

Sipping on coffee and a little bit of breakfast tomorrow morning at The Market people-watching and studying for my phlebotomy class, taking a few hours for myself to get away and calm my nerves down. Feeling the warm sunshine on my face while I try to inconspicuously snap pictures of the scenery with my camera.

I'm putting my heart back out on the line. It's easy to keep it wrapped up and probably wise, but I can't live without my heart, so I'm working on healing it. I'm working on being ok with still loving Eric but knowing he's not ready to be in a relationship or love me back. I'm working on being in a place I'm not comfortable, without a place to call my own with people who understand me.

I have my God. That's enough right?! Right. It's always enough. I'm working on remembering that right now. I'm working on allowing God to hold me steady, hold me upright when I need someone to lean on, and to be the ONE that is there for me. Not some boy named Eric, nor family, nor friends....though they can be and I know my girls WILL be there for me. But the only constant I need is God, I think He's trying to help me remember that.

But also this weekend, hopefully I can have some girl soul therapy and a little bit of reprieve from the seriousness and responsibility of what people expect from me currently.

I'm trying to relax, trying to get rid of these anxiety attacks, trying to put back together my head before Mike triggered me.

I'm working on it. I'm looking forward, but trying to be content with right now.

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