Last year my brother Marshall and I had a falling out. Recently, especially, I've been trying to establish close lasting bonds between my brothers and I. Growing up we were all three "thick as thieves" and as I went through high school and started dealing with my own traumas, it wasn't that we didn't care as much, our bonds started going by the wayside. It's hard to remain close to your brothers when 1) you're the only girl and 2) you're constantly battling your own demons and 3) you are completely responsible for figuring out your life.
Marshall and I have always been close in a very special way as for a long time it was only me and then just me and him....Kevan came along and Marshall had his little brother (brotherly bonds are special in their own right). Marsh and I shared something unique while he shared something unique with Kev and I shared something unique with Kev. But when Marshall's ex came into the picture, our relationship changed. We went through a period where I honestly didn't know if we would ever have any sort of relationship ever again. On top of that, I was dealing with relationship issues and issues with my family. I just never put rekindling a relationship with Marsh and Kev as my first priority.
I really feel guilty for not having always been there. As the oldest I guess I have always felt a responsiblity to be the "glue" of the family. Not only was I not keeping that role but I wasn't keeping any role. I literally gave up on relationships with my brothers for awhile. Along with that, I missed out on some special times we could have had together.
However, my brothers and I have all started to make extra efforts to not only rebuild our relationships but build strong ones. We realize that we want to be close like we see other siblings being and we are the only three who knows what the other is going through in special terms. (It's hard to include Reece in this mix when it's always uniquely been us three.....all in due time he'll be part of our inner circle.) I think part of this has been started with our keeping secrets from our parents....yeah we all three talk about our sex lives together, harbor each other's secrets of tattoos/tattoo updates, and the like. But I know I've recently starting putting more effort into being there physically and emotionally.
Going to Marshall's games, Kevan's swim meets, graduations, drunken times together, etc.
I was going through our pictures, before the craziness of me going off to college and us losing some touch, and I love seeing these family pics. They are what makes my world. I don't have many in digital form as they were all taken manually but some were scanned in for my senior slideshow. Here's a few that I really love and make me smile :)
I like looking back through memories like this.....it gives me hope and optimism for the special times we will have in the future :)