Here I sit at work and I realize the power of one's attitude.
Well I've always realized that, which is why I've always tried to have a more positive, uplifting, and supportive attitude towards life and others. But right now, its' importance is proving beyond significant.
But the power of one's attitude can have such a tremendous effect not only on your day, the flow of your day, but also on the flow of others, their attitudes, and the effects it all has on their entire day.
Though I don't possess enough power to always make someone's day who is determined to just have an awful day and piss poor attitude, I am realizing more and more how important and how powerful a positive attitude can have.
And also the power of an awful attitude.
I hate excusing rude and bad behavior. There is not excuse for it. But I know most others do...often stating "That's just how so-and-so is". However, make no excuses people. There's no excuse for others to just totally be rude and bitter and awful.
I may not know all the answers in my job and I might slow others down...but really I have been praised for my willingness to help others and my positive attitude. I love making other people's day and trying to help support them in everything that they do! Why aren't others this way?! It's so powerful.
For example, I might flub up in my job as ward clerk but my willingness to say "Thank you" and "Please" and "You're Welcome" to all the nurses, patients, and doctors has a powerful effect. I hope it makes them all feel appreciated. And my willingness to smile, help out, and figure out a situation rather than brush it off.
One clerk said "I have the power to make or break your day." Really, I can make or break anyone's day. But why would I ever want to boast that?! I don't ever intend to use that power maliciously, only in a positive manner and I wish others had that same attitude....to make everyone else's day!
Attitude: so important and so powerful. I hope it's being used in positive and supportive ways...not the opposite.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Live A Beautiful Life
On a very random side note, I have had a tattoo on my left shoulder for over a year now. I love this tattoo, but I've never taken a picture of it. I've wondered exactly what it looks like on me (considering I'll never be able to actually see myself from the back...). And I've needed a reason to pick up my camera. So last week I did.
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
The Buddings of Summer
There is a reason I don't live in Seattle...and I'm learning more and more that as much as I LOVE the smell of rain and as much as I know we NEED it, I would much rather have the sunny Colorado days I'm used to! Two weeks of dull dreary grey clouds and rain is enough for me!!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Work Work Work....
WHEWEEEEE!!!
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Upheavel
This week has been one of several crazy emotions for me.
I have hit rock bottom emotionally, given up on myself, cried my eyes out, and sunk into a deep depression. On the other hand I still have hope, have found enjoyment in some simple things and have even made a few people's days (well if we're being literal it would actually be nights) better.
I have found a little bit of enjoyment working the night shift. For four days/three nights I get to ignore the world. I get to keep myself surrounded in my job, in trying to focus on this new venture in my life that no one else is a part of (which is also semi scary and isolating at times) and I am forced to lose contact with most of my life. Which for me is wonderful. For that time I am not connected to anyone nor am accessible to my phone. And it's nice to disconnect from the world for awhile. I have floundered a little this past week but also found myself jumping in head first to try and learn all the new things that come with my job. While it can be overwhelming I am trying my best to focus and pick up on any little thing I can. I like feeling a part of a team, even if it's temporary and semi-transient.
Every other part of my life other than my job has proven to be too much for me to bear.
It has been hard knowing my family really doesn't care for me too much. Knowing that I am a burden on everyone else and not being what anyone else wants or needs me to be. I find myself yearning for my complete alone times alone and inviting as much time sleeping as possible. Sure signs to me that I'm sinking into a depression of sorts. I have long learned I don't yet have a niche in the world.
I struggle so much month to month just to pay the bills. leaving little to no free time, never getting ahead and always getting further behind. I am not quite sure what free time really looks like anymore. And when I do have free time I find it hard to find things to do as I have no money to afford anything...not even money to afford to go buy paints and canvas and the like to scrapbook or paint or make photo collages. I don't have time to go play with my camera nor time to work out (ok well in realisticness I have time for those but no means to do either most of the time). I feel like I struggle so much only to keep digging myself into a hole of semi-hopelessness.
And wow, don't I sound so damn emo and depressed?!
But I have to get it out. I don't know where else to go with this. It's just been building more and more inside of me.
My confidence is all but gone, my hope for having a future that I can do much of anything is diminishing and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to continue making it month to month. I guess in some ways I have lost a sense of hope and faith in a bright future for myself....just feeling so beat up and discouraged. I feel very alone and completely misunderstood. I have given up even trying to open up to those around me because really what can anyone do?! Who would want to do anything to help me out?!
The latest updates in my life:
The first is my home. My parents are re-painting the whole house. And putting it up for sale. Which has me severely depressed and anxious. If the house sells I will have to find my own place. And I can't afford my life as it is, especially with the upcoming costs of school. So I'm not sure how I'm going to afford a place of my own. But I have to find a way to somehow make it work. And I'm scared. Once again, part of why I feel like I just keep hitting walls. I'm not sure where to go from here. And my only safe place is no longer becoming my safe place as it has to be "show-worthy" and really my room is meant for my comfort, not for show...but now I have to start covering up my safe zone. I don't want to do that. My photos, my books, my stuff in my room is all I have. As materialistic as that sounds, everything is placed the way it is that makes me comfortable and now I have to take it all down and hide it and cover it up. So my safe zone is no longer mine. It's freaking me out.
The second is a wart. I have a wart on the bottom of my foot that I've ignored for about 8 months and it just kept getting bigger. So I finally ripped the top layer of skin off and start putting Compound W on it ...which worked! But it also made it open up into a hole that is approximately a half-an-inch deep in my foot. I went and got it frozen by the doc today. She said it's actually a pretty good sized wart (oh yay) and that it will take about 6 months for it to go away. Really?! So gross to me. If it was on anyone else I'd be fascinated. On me, it's like a violation of my OCD....I have a HOLE in my foot. That is housing a wart, complete with a root and other gross shit. ICK!! I can't wait for it to be gone. Between that and my acne breaking out again hardcore, I just feel like crap. Oh and the weight gain. I'm gaining weight like crazy again. Eating comfort food and having no time to set up a consistent workout schedule (and also unable to run or apply pressure to my foot because of the wart).
Lesson learned: freeze the damn wart IMMEDIATELY when it comes. Don't ignore it. At least I don't have to see this gross thing other than when I look on the bottom of my foot. ICK!
I have a project I want to work on. It's a canvas artwork. Not sure how to do it or if I can afford it but I'm going to try. Hopefully I can get to that next week after I'm done with my work week...we'll see what happens...
I have hit rock bottom emotionally, given up on myself, cried my eyes out, and sunk into a deep depression. On the other hand I still have hope, have found enjoyment in some simple things and have even made a few people's days (well if we're being literal it would actually be nights) better.
I have found a little bit of enjoyment working the night shift. For four days/three nights I get to ignore the world. I get to keep myself surrounded in my job, in trying to focus on this new venture in my life that no one else is a part of (which is also semi scary and isolating at times) and I am forced to lose contact with most of my life. Which for me is wonderful. For that time I am not connected to anyone nor am accessible to my phone. And it's nice to disconnect from the world for awhile. I have floundered a little this past week but also found myself jumping in head first to try and learn all the new things that come with my job. While it can be overwhelming I am trying my best to focus and pick up on any little thing I can. I like feeling a part of a team, even if it's temporary and semi-transient.
Every other part of my life other than my job has proven to be too much for me to bear.
It has been hard knowing my family really doesn't care for me too much. Knowing that I am a burden on everyone else and not being what anyone else wants or needs me to be. I find myself yearning for my complete alone times alone and inviting as much time sleeping as possible. Sure signs to me that I'm sinking into a depression of sorts. I have long learned I don't yet have a niche in the world.
I struggle so much month to month just to pay the bills. leaving little to no free time, never getting ahead and always getting further behind. I am not quite sure what free time really looks like anymore. And when I do have free time I find it hard to find things to do as I have no money to afford anything...not even money to afford to go buy paints and canvas and the like to scrapbook or paint or make photo collages. I don't have time to go play with my camera nor time to work out (ok well in realisticness I have time for those but no means to do either most of the time). I feel like I struggle so much only to keep digging myself into a hole of semi-hopelessness.
And wow, don't I sound so damn emo and depressed?!
But I have to get it out. I don't know where else to go with this. It's just been building more and more inside of me.
My confidence is all but gone, my hope for having a future that I can do much of anything is diminishing and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to continue making it month to month. I guess in some ways I have lost a sense of hope and faith in a bright future for myself....just feeling so beat up and discouraged. I feel very alone and completely misunderstood. I have given up even trying to open up to those around me because really what can anyone do?! Who would want to do anything to help me out?!
The latest updates in my life:
The first is my home. My parents are re-painting the whole house. And putting it up for sale. Which has me severely depressed and anxious. If the house sells I will have to find my own place. And I can't afford my life as it is, especially with the upcoming costs of school. So I'm not sure how I'm going to afford a place of my own. But I have to find a way to somehow make it work. And I'm scared. Once again, part of why I feel like I just keep hitting walls. I'm not sure where to go from here. And my only safe place is no longer becoming my safe place as it has to be "show-worthy" and really my room is meant for my comfort, not for show...but now I have to start covering up my safe zone. I don't want to do that. My photos, my books, my stuff in my room is all I have. As materialistic as that sounds, everything is placed the way it is that makes me comfortable and now I have to take it all down and hide it and cover it up. So my safe zone is no longer mine. It's freaking me out.
The second is a wart. I have a wart on the bottom of my foot that I've ignored for about 8 months and it just kept getting bigger. So I finally ripped the top layer of skin off and start putting Compound W on it ...which worked! But it also made it open up into a hole that is approximately a half-an-inch deep in my foot. I went and got it frozen by the doc today. She said it's actually a pretty good sized wart (oh yay) and that it will take about 6 months for it to go away. Really?! So gross to me. If it was on anyone else I'd be fascinated. On me, it's like a violation of my OCD....I have a HOLE in my foot. That is housing a wart, complete with a root and other gross shit. ICK!! I can't wait for it to be gone. Between that and my acne breaking out again hardcore, I just feel like crap. Oh and the weight gain. I'm gaining weight like crazy again. Eating comfort food and having no time to set up a consistent workout schedule (and also unable to run or apply pressure to my foot because of the wart).
Lesson learned: freeze the damn wart IMMEDIATELY when it comes. Don't ignore it. At least I don't have to see this gross thing other than when I look on the bottom of my foot. ICK!
I have a project I want to work on. It's a canvas artwork. Not sure how to do it or if I can afford it but I'm going to try. Hopefully I can get to that next week after I'm done with my work week...we'll see what happens...
Friday, April 22, 2011
Graveyard
In orienting into my new job, I have currently been assigned to working the night shifts. From 7:00pm (aka 1930) to 7:30am (aka 0730) I have been assigned to work on 7A at Denver Health.
First it's been just a wee bit tough adjusting to continuous 12-hour shifts. Sure I'm used to work ALL day long, but in a different way. Working in one spot for 12.5 hours with only a half hour lunch is a bit different. Especially when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Now put them together back-to-back and that is a bit exhausting. For four days my life revolves around this cycle sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work. And now I'm having to completely flip my natural circadian rhythm. Working nights (which actually isn't near as hard as I thought) and doing 12-hour shifts back-to-back.
So I have quickly found that putting that all together has left me exhausted!
So my life has come down to working in a ghostly hospital at night, not sure of what I'm doing, and sipping on things containing caffeine to keep me going. Basically these highlights of my lunch have become essentials...
Welp I guess a little sacrifice on the road to bigger dreams right?! Besides getting the opportunity to watch the sun rise over the city from the windows of the 7th floor of a hospital can be breathtaking :-)
First it's been just a wee bit tough adjusting to continuous 12-hour shifts. Sure I'm used to work ALL day long, but in a different way. Working in one spot for 12.5 hours with only a half hour lunch is a bit different. Especially when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Now put them together back-to-back and that is a bit exhausting. For four days my life revolves around this cycle sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work. And now I'm having to completely flip my natural circadian rhythm. Working nights (which actually isn't near as hard as I thought) and doing 12-hour shifts back-to-back.
So I have quickly found that putting that all together has left me exhausted!
So my life has come down to working in a ghostly hospital at night, not sure of what I'm doing, and sipping on things containing caffeine to keep me going. Basically these highlights of my lunch have become essentials...
Welp I guess a little sacrifice on the road to bigger dreams right?! Besides getting the opportunity to watch the sun rise over the city from the windows of the 7th floor of a hospital can be breathtaking :-)
Friday, April 15, 2011
9News and Denver Health
This week has been CRAZY busy for me!! And by crazy busy, I'm really not kidding.
I spent all of last week working two jobs everyday...I had to miss the beautiful weather we've had :-( Saturday morning I got up and worked the 9News Health Fair as a phlebotomist first thing in the morning. Can I just say....poking healthy veins as opposed to the veins of those in the hospital is SO nice?!?! It was cool to freshen up my skills and know that I actually do have my phlebotomy skills :-) I came home and took a quick nap and then headed to Erie to go babysit six kids for the evening.
Sunday I spent (trying to) sleep, which was somewhat successful.
AND THEN......
I started my new job bright n' shiney Monday morning.
And by bright n' shiney I mean before the sun was even up. I was on the Denver Health campus by 6:30am and spent the next 11 hours there. Monday was a long New Employee Orientation and then Tuesday/Wednesday I spent 10 hours each day (starting at 7:00am both days) at what was called Nursing Training. As a new Healthcare Tech I will be involved directly in patient care so we had to go through "special training" in regards to hearing a lot about different units and all the privacy/legal stuff that goes into direct patient care. It was some great training but it was three long days sitting in a chair....which was hard for two reasons...being up early each morning coupled with long long days AND sitting all day long. I'm not always such a sitter!! And then yesterday I got to actually start some of my on-the-job training.
Now let me explain a little bit more. Denver Health is a Level One Trauma facility. Meaning they specialize in high trauma. Think mass casualties and severe trauma...well they are great at that. If you come into their Emergency Department (ED), you have a 95% chance of leaving with a pulse! Pretty great statistics!!
Their slogan is Level One Care For ALL...meaning (and especially being in the heart of downtown Denver) they serve all populations regardless of ability to pay for the care they receive. So we serve a lot of minorities and at-risk populations. Poverty. Behaviorial/psych. Underprivileged. Etc. They campus is really pretty damn big and houses a lot of different needs. They have a lot of community and school-based clinical sites, house poison and infection control, have a huge lab and serve the prison populations. They have a floor that treats eating disorders and have several psych wards. Denver Cares is a detox/psych arm of the hospital. They have a SICU, PICU, NICU, MICU and regular ICU. They have Labor & Delivery, Mother/Baby, Med-Surg, Ortho....and all those other areas you hear about in every other hospital. It's just a massive health care system.
Now what's my job?! Well I'm a Healthcare Technician. What does that mean?! I'm a CNA with other qualifications or extensive experience in healthcare. I'm assuming the combination of having my CNA license, my Phlebotomy licensure, and experience working with special needs and home health care landed me this position. So I'm a step above a regular CNA but a step below an LPN (Licensed Practicing Nurse). Now what unit do I get to work on?! I get to work in the CCMF. The what?! The Correctional Care Medical Facility. What?! Basically I work in the unit/department that treats the prisoners!
No I'm not kidding. I'm dead serious (no pun intended)!
It's actually a really safe unit...accompanied by the Denver Sheriff's Department as well as other officers of the various jurisdictions that use DH's services, I'm in one of the most dangerous yet safest units there is!!
I will be trained as both a ward clerk and a healthcare tech...doing both desk work and healthcare work.
Pretty exciting stuff.
I'm pretty exhausted but am pretty excited about only having to work 3 12-hour shifts a week to pay my bills! Gonna be hard and a lot of work but let's do this! So that's all been my whole world for the past couple days :-)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
One Day Without Shoes
Today I was substitute teaching in one of our middle schools. Today also happens to be a celebratory day. TOMS Shoes has a day of awareness dubbed One Day Without Shoes. It's to raise awareness of the issue of "shoelessness" around the world. TOMS shoes also has a one-for-one policy, in which for every pair of their shoes you buy, a pair is sent around the world to a person in need. My friend Alyssa, who is currently in Guatemala for the Peacecorps, can attest to the importance of this organization as a lot of the people in her host village wear TOMS shoes.
Well today, I decided to let the classes of 6th graders I was teaching for the day get in on the action, promoting the release of their little toes from their shoes while in my class. Not all of them participated, only those that were comfortable. But the kids got a KICK out of it! They wanted to share and go talk to other teachers and get other classes to do it too. At the very least it was fun for them while in my class and a fun story to take home to their parents.
Here's to a second year of promoting One Day Without Shoes!
For more information about TOMS shoes, please visit www.toms.com and for more information about One Day Without Shoes please visit www.onedaywithoutshoes.com!
Well today, I decided to let the classes of 6th graders I was teaching for the day get in on the action, promoting the release of their little toes from their shoes while in my class. Not all of them participated, only those that were comfortable. But the kids got a KICK out of it! They wanted to share and go talk to other teachers and get other classes to do it too. At the very least it was fun for them while in my class and a fun story to take home to their parents.
Here's to a second year of promoting One Day Without Shoes!
For more information about TOMS shoes, please visit www.toms.com and for more information about One Day Without Shoes please visit www.onedaywithoutshoes.com!
Monday, April 04, 2011
A Little Wish
My big anxiety attacks started coming back this weekend. Sunday I had a massive one and this evening, another. I forgot how discombobulated they leave me.
I don't wish or ask for much in the way of being taken care of physically by anyone.
But in this rare moment, I wish nothing more than the ability to put my head in a friend's lap and for them to rub my head until my mind and body are relaxed by that small loving compassionate gesture. That is my small wish tonight....
I don't wish or ask for much in the way of being taken care of physically by anyone.
But in this rare moment, I wish nothing more than the ability to put my head in a friend's lap and for them to rub my head until my mind and body are relaxed by that small loving compassionate gesture. That is my small wish tonight....
Sunday, April 03, 2011
A Lil Bit O Country
I am a self-described music whore. I will listen to just about anything and everything...with very little exception. Some genres I have to be in the mood for but I really do just enjoy music, all day every day...excellent, horrible and everything in-between.
However there is one genre that will always be my favorite, hands-down, no questions asked.
Country music.
And yes I am a music elitist when it comes to this genre. I will listen to all country but you DO NOT MESS with my country greats. It's just not something you do.
There is nothing that makes me feel more human, more comfortable, more happy, or more at home than some good ol' country music!
What is it that I love about country music?!
Well for starters, I grew up on it. It's just near and dear to my heart because it's one of two main genres I grew up listened to. Saturday mornings were started with either a little classic rock or a little country. Roadtrips always were accompanied by a vast richness of cd's and singing as a family. Evenings were spent watching classic Disney (as we didn't have too too much when I was younger) or rocking to our old record and cd player.
But on top of that it's just home-grown, classic, genuine music from genuine down-to-earth people (mostly). They talk about love, life, heartbreak, successes, the little things in life, God, and of course big green tractors! I love the genuinity, I love that I can rock out to it, I love Brad Paisley's comedic outlook in his songs, and I love how closely it always hits to my heart.
I love songs about love and loving others. And country music does that on a continual basis.
A lotta bit o country music is always a great thing in my book :-)
However there is one genre that will always be my favorite, hands-down, no questions asked.
Country music.
And yes I am a music elitist when it comes to this genre. I will listen to all country but you DO NOT MESS with my country greats. It's just not something you do.
There is nothing that makes me feel more human, more comfortable, more happy, or more at home than some good ol' country music!
What is it that I love about country music?!
Well for starters, I grew up on it. It's just near and dear to my heart because it's one of two main genres I grew up listened to. Saturday mornings were started with either a little classic rock or a little country. Roadtrips always were accompanied by a vast richness of cd's and singing as a family. Evenings were spent watching classic Disney (as we didn't have too too much when I was younger) or rocking to our old record and cd player.
But on top of that it's just home-grown, classic, genuine music from genuine down-to-earth people (mostly). They talk about love, life, heartbreak, successes, the little things in life, God, and of course big green tractors! I love the genuinity, I love that I can rock out to it, I love Brad Paisley's comedic outlook in his songs, and I love how closely it always hits to my heart.
I love songs about love and loving others. And country music does that on a continual basis.
A lotta bit o country music is always a great thing in my book :-)
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Lock It Up!
Sometimes you just gotta have those nights where you have a ton of fun...just a relaxed night with a few beers and a few friends and LOADS of laughs....last night was that for me. It was wonderful to just "release" myself for the night...
Sometimes you just gotta "LOCK IT UP!"
Sometimes you just gotta "LOCK IT UP!"
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
New(est) Job
Well I got yet another job!!
This one, however, will be full-time and includes benefits! It doesn't have the biggest starting base pay but I got the job through some networking!! So basically I got hired in a hospital (finally!) without having any hospital experience...thanks to networking...which seems to really be the only way anyone can gets jobs anymore.
I'm pretty excited. I will be a Healthcare Technician in the CCMF department (Correction Care Medical Facility Department). Which yes, is the unit that houses prisoners from the jail! I will be trained mostly as a clerk but since I have my CNA & Phlebotomy licensures I will also rotate around as a healthcare technician when they need help on the floor or an extra set of hands. So basically I'll be wearing several different "caps" as far as my job goes.
I'm pretty excited! Not the unit I would see myself working in but it's going to be an adventure none-the-less :-) And it's a step in getting my foot in the door. Not to mention it's full-time (3x12hr shifts a week) and will include benefits...which will be nice to be able to go to the eye doctor and the dentist without paying full-price for their services...which is something I can't afford that thus have not been to the eye doctor or dentist in a year. It's also amazing how long I can make contacts last that should have only lasted me three months....
I'll be able to pay all my bills and work down this credit card debt I have acquired in the last year...which will be really nice. Thout I still can't afford to move out, it will help me to pay for a couple classes I need to take this summer and next fall.
SPEAKING of which...I got a rejection letter from Regis University...BUT their department called me and told me the logistics of why I didn't get in, said that I need to apply for the accelerated program that will start in January. They were actually going to offer me a spot in the accelerated program that starts in May (as in a month from now) but I have three prereq classes for their program I have to get done first....two religious study courses and a health ethics course. But they said I'm a great candidate and basically they want me! So it sounds like hopefully nursing school is a go in January :-)
I have faith the Lord will provide. It's all sorta crazy and I'm going to have to work really hard but I think that's what the Lord wants me to do anyway :-)
This one, however, will be full-time and includes benefits! It doesn't have the biggest starting base pay but I got the job through some networking!! So basically I got hired in a hospital (finally!) without having any hospital experience...thanks to networking...which seems to really be the only way anyone can gets jobs anymore.
I'm pretty excited. I will be a Healthcare Technician in the CCMF department (Correction Care Medical Facility Department). Which yes, is the unit that houses prisoners from the jail! I will be trained mostly as a clerk but since I have my CNA & Phlebotomy licensures I will also rotate around as a healthcare technician when they need help on the floor or an extra set of hands. So basically I'll be wearing several different "caps" as far as my job goes.
I'm pretty excited! Not the unit I would see myself working in but it's going to be an adventure none-the-less :-) And it's a step in getting my foot in the door. Not to mention it's full-time (3x12hr shifts a week) and will include benefits...which will be nice to be able to go to the eye doctor and the dentist without paying full-price for their services...which is something I can't afford that thus have not been to the eye doctor or dentist in a year. It's also amazing how long I can make contacts last that should have only lasted me three months....
I'll be able to pay all my bills and work down this credit card debt I have acquired in the last year...which will be really nice. Thout I still can't afford to move out, it will help me to pay for a couple classes I need to take this summer and next fall.
SPEAKING of which...I got a rejection letter from Regis University...BUT their department called me and told me the logistics of why I didn't get in, said that I need to apply for the accelerated program that will start in January. They were actually going to offer me a spot in the accelerated program that starts in May (as in a month from now) but I have three prereq classes for their program I have to get done first....two religious study courses and a health ethics course. But they said I'm a great candidate and basically they want me! So it sounds like hopefully nursing school is a go in January :-)
I have faith the Lord will provide. It's all sorta crazy and I'm going to have to work really hard but I think that's what the Lord wants me to do anyway :-)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Trust
"I realize you have no other reason to trust me but a choice. It's up to you to decide. I'm broke, I'm wrecked, I can no longer maintain the pride or the arrogance. I lost you a long time ago. You're not someone to keep. You need to be free. Just a coincidence at circumstance and happenstance. Is it fate? or does it matter? You'll think what you think, trust at the brink and it all comes down to the choice. Silence."
[PH]
Last night was a crazy and emotional night for me. With my heart being so guarded, I have known for awhile that dating is just not an area I'm comfortable or ready for....not after the destruction of Britton. I am so guarded in so many ways. And I hate it on some levels, but it's so instinctual. And GOOD for me right now.
With that I asked PH, who has feelings for me, to not show up to where I would be last night, as I needed space and time with my friends. I literally needed that time, to be me, and let go of the week behind in which I had worked my whole week away, from morning until night. I needed to laugh and be free. Well it so happens that in the middle of The Evening Edition's set, I spotted them.
Of course I was pissed. My night, which had started off so wonderfully, came shattering down around me like a million pieces. I had gotten one of my besties to finally come out with us again after months of not really hanging out. The Evening Edition was up. A had a little alcohol for a buzz, and I was there for the moment. Until that one glimpse brought me shattering back to all guards being up and my "night of freedom" coming to a halt. Even Britt and Sheree saw in my eyes how pissed and hurt I was.
So I tried to still have a good night, keeping my distance and space, probably hurting PH, but really....what else could I do?! Throw a hissy and be completely pissed. Nope, stolen gulps of beer and laughing and inappropriate comments from the mouths of high school elite's past, I tried to salvage my night.
And then PH pulled me aside after all the bands' sets and handed me a napkin with the above on it and asked if I believed that him showing up for a night of live music was merely coincidental (meaning he didn't know that THIS bar was exactly where I'd be).
I don't know how to answer that. It's a huge coincidence....and one that if it really is a coincidence fell on the one night I told him I needed space. And there he was. And there he was all night, not even heading out to let me continue to have my night of space. I can trust him at his word, which I do on one hand. But on the other hand, the circumstances don't allow me to really trust the whole evening very well.
Especially with how it ended.
And with how it ended, I walked. I walked away, down the sidewalk, to my car in which my two best friends were waiting in. In which another drama unfolded, that (not) surprisingly enough, involved trust issues from someone else.
But is trust really a CHOICE for me right now?
I have come to realize since Britton, trusting men has become near impossible for me....especially men in any sort of romantic way. My walls are up, my guards are on duty. I'm not sure I can fully trust a man even if I wanted to. But is it really a choice for me right now? Or was that choice taken away when I was left with the scars from the destruction Britton laid upon my heart?
I'm not so sure right now trust is a choice for me at all, rather it's something I'm not sure I am capable of completely anymore.
Ironic....coming from the girl who trusted Britton so fully and willingly from the get-go. And has a nasty little habit of trusting people until she's hurt.
But have I finally learned my lesson, only to allow it to lead me to the other side of the spectrum?
I miss this part of my old self...the trusting part.
Damn you Britton.
I find mind dwelling on the image burned in my brain from last night....the drama, the emotional escapade that ensued, and me walking away....the image of the lampposts shedding dull light onto the sidewalk of the streets of Larimer as I concentrated on the cracks and wear-and-tear I could see. Imbedded in my mind is the image of walking away from so many things representing my past, my present, my future, my fears and my doubts....and I simply walked away. I couldn't handle them at that moment. So I do what I do best...I slip quietly into the darkness without another word.
When did I become the girl to run?! I can tell you when....when life's emotions and trials became a little too much for me to bear.
But will I always be the girl walking away out of fear, anger, resentment, frustration, emotional threshold?! Or will I learn to overcome that and stand up to it face to face?!
Is trusting others really a choice right now?! Deep in my heart, unfortunately and heartbreakingly, I know the answer is no, I cannot trust most people right now....
And it makes me cry that my life has left me in this spot....that my heart is this hurt and broken that I realize this about myself....
[PH]
Last night was a crazy and emotional night for me. With my heart being so guarded, I have known for awhile that dating is just not an area I'm comfortable or ready for....not after the destruction of Britton. I am so guarded in so many ways. And I hate it on some levels, but it's so instinctual. And GOOD for me right now.
With that I asked PH, who has feelings for me, to not show up to where I would be last night, as I needed space and time with my friends. I literally needed that time, to be me, and let go of the week behind in which I had worked my whole week away, from morning until night. I needed to laugh and be free. Well it so happens that in the middle of The Evening Edition's set, I spotted them.
Of course I was pissed. My night, which had started off so wonderfully, came shattering down around me like a million pieces. I had gotten one of my besties to finally come out with us again after months of not really hanging out. The Evening Edition was up. A had a little alcohol for a buzz, and I was there for the moment. Until that one glimpse brought me shattering back to all guards being up and my "night of freedom" coming to a halt. Even Britt and Sheree saw in my eyes how pissed and hurt I was.
So I tried to still have a good night, keeping my distance and space, probably hurting PH, but really....what else could I do?! Throw a hissy and be completely pissed. Nope, stolen gulps of beer and laughing and inappropriate comments from the mouths of high school elite's past, I tried to salvage my night.
And then PH pulled me aside after all the bands' sets and handed me a napkin with the above on it and asked if I believed that him showing up for a night of live music was merely coincidental (meaning he didn't know that THIS bar was exactly where I'd be).
I don't know how to answer that. It's a huge coincidence....and one that if it really is a coincidence fell on the one night I told him I needed space. And there he was. And there he was all night, not even heading out to let me continue to have my night of space. I can trust him at his word, which I do on one hand. But on the other hand, the circumstances don't allow me to really trust the whole evening very well.
Especially with how it ended.
And with how it ended, I walked. I walked away, down the sidewalk, to my car in which my two best friends were waiting in. In which another drama unfolded, that (not) surprisingly enough, involved trust issues from someone else.
But is trust really a CHOICE for me right now?
I have come to realize since Britton, trusting men has become near impossible for me....especially men in any sort of romantic way. My walls are up, my guards are on duty. I'm not sure I can fully trust a man even if I wanted to. But is it really a choice for me right now? Or was that choice taken away when I was left with the scars from the destruction Britton laid upon my heart?
I'm not so sure right now trust is a choice for me at all, rather it's something I'm not sure I am capable of completely anymore.
Ironic....coming from the girl who trusted Britton so fully and willingly from the get-go. And has a nasty little habit of trusting people until she's hurt.
But have I finally learned my lesson, only to allow it to lead me to the other side of the spectrum?
I miss this part of my old self...the trusting part.
Damn you Britton.
I find mind dwelling on the image burned in my brain from last night....the drama, the emotional escapade that ensued, and me walking away....the image of the lampposts shedding dull light onto the sidewalk of the streets of Larimer as I concentrated on the cracks and wear-and-tear I could see. Imbedded in my mind is the image of walking away from so many things representing my past, my present, my future, my fears and my doubts....and I simply walked away. I couldn't handle them at that moment. So I do what I do best...I slip quietly into the darkness without another word.
When did I become the girl to run?! I can tell you when....when life's emotions and trials became a little too much for me to bear.
But will I always be the girl walking away out of fear, anger, resentment, frustration, emotional threshold?! Or will I learn to overcome that and stand up to it face to face?!
Is trusting others really a choice right now?! Deep in my heart, unfortunately and heartbreakingly, I know the answer is no, I cannot trust most people right now....
And it makes me cry that my life has left me in this spot....that my heart is this hurt and broken that I realize this about myself....
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Song of Songs
Yesterday I was substitute teaching science for my former FCA teacher at the high school...and it's one of my favorite classrooms to come back to. For one, I love Sando. I've always looked up to him and respected him. On top of that, I really enjoy high schoolers, and the more "grown-up" atmosphere of the students as opposed to young kids (though I enjoy the laughs and optimism that comes with working with grade-schoolers). But what I also enjoy, is getting to be in a classroom where I have the freedom to read my bible, and see the mountains through the bay windows, and play Christian music quietly on the speakers on the computer. It't quite enjoyable and uplifting to me.
So yesterday, while the students were working on their worksheets, with Casting Crowns streaming quietly in the background of my little computer area, I had my bible propped open and was reading on several topics (suggested readings that went with each topic) that I found in the FCA materials on one of his shelves.
Among the various topics that I was looking up suggested passages was that on relationships, of all sorts, but most specifically romantic relationships. Among some of the passages that were mentioned was Song of Songs. I have never heard of this book of the bible before, and it sort of makes sense as it is a mere very short eight chapters. And on top of that it is a very brazen love song. Not something I would have thought was in the bible but was very encouraging that such a bold love song is part of the intimacy of our bible.
However a couple verses struck me.
The first: "Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death; ardent love is as unrelenting as Sheol. Love flames are fiery flames - the fiercest of all. Mighty rivers cannot extinguish love; rivers cannot sweep it away..." [Song of Songs 8:6-7]
The intensity of this love song is so powerful. Not only because I desire this sort of romantic love...but also because it's the sort of love that God has for us. Most times we picture our love from the Lord as that of a father to a child, which it is, and that of a friend to a friend, which it is. BUT it's also a very passionate, intense romantic love from our Lover to ourselves!! How amazing that my God is my Father (Protector, Providor, Counselor), my best Friend, AND my Lover!! SO cool.
However, one of the issues closest to my heart is that my heart is so guarded. The thought of romantic love is always appealing but I push away from it. Sometimes I feel that I might be wrong in this as everyone else my age seems to be mature enough to handle this part of life whereas right now I feel it's something I can't bear. Everyone else WANTS to be a girlfriend/boyfriend, fiance, wife/mother, husband/father and is doing so. Me...well I'm not there yet. But I took a lot of peace in this next verse.
"His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time."
[Song of Songs 8:3-4]
This warning is given several times among the intense love that the lovers in this lvoe song are singing to each other. But what a wonderful whisper the Lord gave me yesterday. I DO NOT need to awaken love before it is appropriate and right now, it just isn't appropriate or desired for my life. My God has something else planned for me and until the time when love is meant to be part of my life, I need not worry about it!
There were a great many passages that spoke to my heart but this one was the one that I think the Lord meant for me to hear most. Speaking directly to a part of my heart that I have been worrying over, He soothed my worries.
And wouldn't you know it, the next couple of verses I looked up told me not to worry! He handed Luke 12:22-34 which starts as this "...Therefore I tell you, don't worry about your life, what you will eat; or about the body, what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they don't sow or reap; they don't have a storeroom or a bar; yet God feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than the birds? Can any of you add a cubit to his height by worrying? If then you are not able to do even a little thing, why worry about the rest?..."
Such wonderful verses when I needed them yesterday :-)
So yesterday, while the students were working on their worksheets, with Casting Crowns streaming quietly in the background of my little computer area, I had my bible propped open and was reading on several topics (suggested readings that went with each topic) that I found in the FCA materials on one of his shelves.
Among the various topics that I was looking up suggested passages was that on relationships, of all sorts, but most specifically romantic relationships. Among some of the passages that were mentioned was Song of Songs. I have never heard of this book of the bible before, and it sort of makes sense as it is a mere very short eight chapters. And on top of that it is a very brazen love song. Not something I would have thought was in the bible but was very encouraging that such a bold love song is part of the intimacy of our bible.
However a couple verses struck me.
The first: "Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death; ardent love is as unrelenting as Sheol. Love flames are fiery flames - the fiercest of all. Mighty rivers cannot extinguish love; rivers cannot sweep it away..." [Song of Songs 8:6-7]
The intensity of this love song is so powerful. Not only because I desire this sort of romantic love...but also because it's the sort of love that God has for us. Most times we picture our love from the Lord as that of a father to a child, which it is, and that of a friend to a friend, which it is. BUT it's also a very passionate, intense romantic love from our Lover to ourselves!! How amazing that my God is my Father (Protector, Providor, Counselor), my best Friend, AND my Lover!! SO cool.
However, one of the issues closest to my heart is that my heart is so guarded. The thought of romantic love is always appealing but I push away from it. Sometimes I feel that I might be wrong in this as everyone else my age seems to be mature enough to handle this part of life whereas right now I feel it's something I can't bear. Everyone else WANTS to be a girlfriend/boyfriend, fiance, wife/mother, husband/father and is doing so. Me...well I'm not there yet. But I took a lot of peace in this next verse.
"His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time."
[Song of Songs 8:3-4]
This warning is given several times among the intense love that the lovers in this lvoe song are singing to each other. But what a wonderful whisper the Lord gave me yesterday. I DO NOT need to awaken love before it is appropriate and right now, it just isn't appropriate or desired for my life. My God has something else planned for me and until the time when love is meant to be part of my life, I need not worry about it!
There were a great many passages that spoke to my heart but this one was the one that I think the Lord meant for me to hear most. Speaking directly to a part of my heart that I have been worrying over, He soothed my worries.
And wouldn't you know it, the next couple of verses I looked up told me not to worry! He handed Luke 12:22-34 which starts as this "...Therefore I tell you, don't worry about your life, what you will eat; or about the body, what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they don't sow or reap; they don't have a storeroom or a bar; yet God feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than the birds? Can any of you add a cubit to his height by worrying? If then you are not able to do even a little thing, why worry about the rest?..."
Such wonderful verses when I needed them yesterday :-)
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Don't be a Drag, Be a Queen
Nothing feels better than simply getting back to who you are and what makes you happy!!
I spent the morning dancing in my bathroom to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"...and all I could think is "hell yes, I AM on the right track!"
I'm on the right track baby, I was born to be brave :-)
I am so confident in being single, being myself, and being happy right now. I have an amazing God who accepts and loves me exactly for who I am, where I am, no matter my past.
So here's to the Lord, to great friends, to sunshine and to being young and having the power to influence my own life positively!!
Don't be a drag, just be a queen. [Lady Gaga]
I spent the morning dancing in my bathroom to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"...and all I could think is "hell yes, I AM on the right track!"
I'm on the right track baby, I was born to be brave :-)
I am so confident in being single, being myself, and being happy right now. I have an amazing God who accepts and loves me exactly for who I am, where I am, no matter my past.
So here's to the Lord, to great friends, to sunshine and to being young and having the power to influence my own life positively!!
Don't be a drag, just be a queen. [Lady Gaga]
Monday, February 28, 2011
R.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.S.H.I.P.S.
I found this little blip the other day, written by an amazing woman and I thought I would share...I am working on doing my own to remind me of what's most important. But this was so great to read I just had to share....
Relationships….
R. Realizing that life revolves around someone other then me.
E. Everyone in our lives wants to feel important
L. Love like you have no tomorrow
A. Accept, Approve and Appreciate everyone regardless of whether you feel like it or not.
T. Time, people spell love, T.I.M.E. invest yours in someone today.
I. It is better to give then to receive
O. Open up.Take down the walls and let someone else in.
N. No one has it all together, we could all use someone to lean on.
S. Sacrafice of yourself to help someone else.
H. Having something positive to say, no matter what!
I. Important: treat everyone as the most important person in your life.
P. Plant seeds of greatness in every relationship, water them and give them the time they need to grow.
S. Smile even when it hurts.
What would you be putting in for each of those letters?!
Relationships….
R. Realizing that life revolves around someone other then me.
E. Everyone in our lives wants to feel important
L. Love like you have no tomorrow
A. Accept, Approve and Appreciate everyone regardless of whether you feel like it or not.
T. Time, people spell love, T.I.M.E. invest yours in someone today.
I. It is better to give then to receive
O. Open up.Take down the walls and let someone else in.
N. No one has it all together, we could all use someone to lean on.
S. Sacrafice of yourself to help someone else.
H. Having something positive to say, no matter what!
I. Important: treat everyone as the most important person in your life.
P. Plant seeds of greatness in every relationship, water them and give them the time they need to grow.
S. Smile even when it hurts.
What would you be putting in for each of those letters?!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
You Are You
These past couple of weeks have been ones of renewance. I have found I can breathe in deeper breaths, I can more fully enjoy the sunshine on my face, my pep is coming back in my step, and there has been some revitilization of my soul. Life HAS gotten a lot easier, there is more sun shining through the clouds in my world, and the mark of the Lord's blessing is so vivid on my life.
Let's please give the glory and credit where they are due. THANK YOU ABBA FATHER! The one and ONLY reason I have gotten through all that I have, and that things have been so blessed is because of the Lord and HIs mercy and love and guidance. The power of Christ's peace and comfort have kept me calm and held me firm when I really didn't think I could last much longer under the burdens of my trials. He has whispered so reassuringly in my ear, if even just a whisper, "I am here beloved" over and over and over. He has so perfectly provided through all my trials that He knew were coming in my life, exactly what I needed it, when I needed it, even when I didn't even know I needed it.
He knew that I would get myself into these trials, He knew they were coming, and He provided all support and avenues needed for me to come out. And it's all because we have such an amazing God that we can rely on that it was even possible. It wasn't me. It was the Lord. It is our Almighty God that my life has gone from chaotic trials to the more calm in my life.
Getting into specifics: I can now understand why those who are going through separation and divorce sometimes say "I don't care how this all ends, I'm just ready to be done and ready to move forward." Though I didn't go through a divorce or huge separation, figuring out this whole truck situation with Britton was sorta like going through a divorce. I was legally tied to him long after we had broken up. And it was exhausting. By the time it was all taken care of, the relief of having all that weight on my shoulders was absolutely amazing. I didn't even realize how much burden I carried around all the time because of that whole situation and just how much it affected all of my life. After it was all said and done, I told my mom with a huge sigh of relief "I am just so glad to be done with all of that. I feel like I can take in a very deep breathe for the first time in months." Britton still owes me thousands of dollars, money he cleared out of my savings account and has never paid back. My dad was talking about going through all of the legal procedures to have his wages garnished (as Britton signed a personal loan on all the money he borrowed) and he was explaining it to me how it all works. And after some thought, I came to the decision to I don't want to pursue that. It's a huge learning mistake that I made but one that I learned from and that strengthened my relationship with the Lord. But more importantly, it just feels so wonderful to not have him involved in my life. That money, though very valuable to me, and money that I could very desperately afford to have back, is not worth the relief and calm I have in not being connected to him in anyway. So in my eyes, that whole situation is closed. I lost a lot in the end but I am also incredibly victorious. I have my life, I have my faith and my God, I have my health, and I am very blessed. I am so incredibly blessed!!!
There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for: my health, my family, my friends, a house over my head, food in my tummy, money in my bank account (no matter how much I may struggle), my faith, and a God that always provides. And I am loved. That is the biggest blessing of all. I am LOVED!! By my Lord, by my family and friends, and I am the receiver of their love, in whatever way it is given. How does that not make me one of the richest women on earth?! :-) Just to be a child of the Lord makes me the richest of the rich, to have the chance to know the glory of our Heavenly Father who so lovingly bestows His blessings on us.
My future is right on the tips of my fingers and I am looking towards the long goal and reveling in knowing all of my life is ultimately in the Lord's hands and not my own.
In the meantime, I take pleasure in focusing on my kiddos, on my job, on my friends and family, and diving into my relationship with Christ. I take so much delight in getting to know my God on all new levels and understanding His power and vast love even deeper. I also take delight in going through this part of my life with the people that the Lord has put in it. I have some fabulous friends and the most loyal of family who have helped to support me. I love having best friends who want to go to church with me and accept me as I am and who take the time to be there for me on my worst of days and provide words of encouragement, advice and wisdom. I love that I have an extensive support system of people who are understanding and loving.
On a more light-hearted note: With all the transitions and brighter side of things....well I just naturally wanted a little bit of a change. So guess what I changed (hint: it's something that has been known to change every couple of months for the past year or so)?! Yeap you guessed it...new hair do!
So I will leave you with a little quote that my sister-in-law left on my wall, that although very well known, made my day and reminded me it's ok to be me and where I'm at and I should be proud of simply being me!
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." [Dr. Suess]
Let's please give the glory and credit where they are due. THANK YOU ABBA FATHER! The one and ONLY reason I have gotten through all that I have, and that things have been so blessed is because of the Lord and HIs mercy and love and guidance. The power of Christ's peace and comfort have kept me calm and held me firm when I really didn't think I could last much longer under the burdens of my trials. He has whispered so reassuringly in my ear, if even just a whisper, "I am here beloved" over and over and over. He has so perfectly provided through all my trials that He knew were coming in my life, exactly what I needed it, when I needed it, even when I didn't even know I needed it.
He knew that I would get myself into these trials, He knew they were coming, and He provided all support and avenues needed for me to come out. And it's all because we have such an amazing God that we can rely on that it was even possible. It wasn't me. It was the Lord. It is our Almighty God that my life has gone from chaotic trials to the more calm in my life.
Getting into specifics: I can now understand why those who are going through separation and divorce sometimes say "I don't care how this all ends, I'm just ready to be done and ready to move forward." Though I didn't go through a divorce or huge separation, figuring out this whole truck situation with Britton was sorta like going through a divorce. I was legally tied to him long after we had broken up. And it was exhausting. By the time it was all taken care of, the relief of having all that weight on my shoulders was absolutely amazing. I didn't even realize how much burden I carried around all the time because of that whole situation and just how much it affected all of my life. After it was all said and done, I told my mom with a huge sigh of relief "I am just so glad to be done with all of that. I feel like I can take in a very deep breathe for the first time in months." Britton still owes me thousands of dollars, money he cleared out of my savings account and has never paid back. My dad was talking about going through all of the legal procedures to have his wages garnished (as Britton signed a personal loan on all the money he borrowed) and he was explaining it to me how it all works. And after some thought, I came to the decision to I don't want to pursue that. It's a huge learning mistake that I made but one that I learned from and that strengthened my relationship with the Lord. But more importantly, it just feels so wonderful to not have him involved in my life. That money, though very valuable to me, and money that I could very desperately afford to have back, is not worth the relief and calm I have in not being connected to him in anyway. So in my eyes, that whole situation is closed. I lost a lot in the end but I am also incredibly victorious. I have my life, I have my faith and my God, I have my health, and I am very blessed. I am so incredibly blessed!!!
There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for: my health, my family, my friends, a house over my head, food in my tummy, money in my bank account (no matter how much I may struggle), my faith, and a God that always provides. And I am loved. That is the biggest blessing of all. I am LOVED!! By my Lord, by my family and friends, and I am the receiver of their love, in whatever way it is given. How does that not make me one of the richest women on earth?! :-) Just to be a child of the Lord makes me the richest of the rich, to have the chance to know the glory of our Heavenly Father who so lovingly bestows His blessings on us.
My future is right on the tips of my fingers and I am looking towards the long goal and reveling in knowing all of my life is ultimately in the Lord's hands and not my own.
In the meantime, I take pleasure in focusing on my kiddos, on my job, on my friends and family, and diving into my relationship with Christ. I take so much delight in getting to know my God on all new levels and understanding His power and vast love even deeper. I also take delight in going through this part of my life with the people that the Lord has put in it. I have some fabulous friends and the most loyal of family who have helped to support me. I love having best friends who want to go to church with me and accept me as I am and who take the time to be there for me on my worst of days and provide words of encouragement, advice and wisdom. I love that I have an extensive support system of people who are understanding and loving.
On a more light-hearted note: With all the transitions and brighter side of things....well I just naturally wanted a little bit of a change. So guess what I changed (hint: it's something that has been known to change every couple of months for the past year or so)?! Yeap you guessed it...new hair do!
So I will leave you with a little quote that my sister-in-law left on my wall, that although very well known, made my day and reminded me it's ok to be me and where I'm at and I should be proud of simply being me!
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." [Dr. Suess]
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Raining SillyString and Gummi Bears
If I were to say that the last couple years of my life have been chaotic and full of trials, that could be considered a truthful observation. At times I would even call it an understatement. On the flipside, they have also been a couple very incredible years in which I have grown tremendously.
Granted I have taken steps backwards....and sideways. I've tripped and fallen, gotten back up, only to stumble and find myself face-down in the mud thinking "how did I get here...again?!".
I have loved a lot, gotten wounded a lot, struggled, been victorious, made friends, lost friends, stepped away from people, drawn people closer than ever before. Crazy whirlwind type of stuff.
One of my best friends the other day told me this expression that her sister-in-law uses. Sometimes it rains and pours, but it rains sillystring and gummi bears. Even when it rains, the sun has to come out eventually!
This is what I like to call having faith, and letting the Lord lead us out of our fiery trials...but to the average person who may not believe what I believe, or may not believe in the power of Christ's love and mercy and power, we have the power to look at any situation in a positive manner.
Here I sit and the end of one whirlwind trial, wondering how I'm going to make one of my dreams come true.
After repo-ing the truck last week, I traded it and my car in for a brand-new car. The whole situation over all does not have the outcome that I would consider ideal. Ideally I'd still be driving my car that was paid off and not costing me any money. But given everything, I have a brand-new car that will be paid off in six years (by the way, I plan on this being the first car for any of the future kids that I may have), completely within my control, and following all angles of the law, not riding on the false promises and intentions of anyone else. My brand new car is a 2011 Jeep Patriot. Overall a really great, fuel-efficient vehicle. I'm going to have to adjust to not having power locks and windows but she drives well, is quite safe, and is completely covered by warranty. The Lord really came through in a very quick manner when I just put the whole situation in His hands. Literally, I spent one evening on my bed praying for the Jesus to take this whole mess and for it all just to fall within His will. And a day later, I walked out of the horrid situation I was tied to in the truck with Britton.
It's not without some downfalls. Now more than ever I'm worried about paying my bills. Now my bills every month equivalate to $1000 (car payment, car insurance, cell phone, student loans, credit card, monthly transfer into savings). My savings account is still very small, after Britton clearing my savings account and not paying it back.
The other day, after I picked him up to take him to the dealership to sign over his rights to the truck, he demanded I pay him back $20 that was in his truck that "had been there" when I repo'd the truck. He refused to sign the papers until I paid him back that $20. This coming from the man who owes me $2430, plus $50 that I paid for a parking ticket he got and didn't pay, plus the upside-down I am in trading in the truck. Really?!
And I'm worried about how I will pay my bills if I get into nursing school. I don't have a back-up savings and I'm worried about getting enough funding to pay for school and my personal life. And even if I do get enough funding, that will put my personal debt into a huge amount that I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with!!
However even with all of that worry and anxiety, I know all will work in whatever way will glorify the Lord!!
On the flip side, I finished applying to nursing school at Regis University and I have a pretty good shot of getting in I believe!! I really hope that I do get in :-) We will see what happens!!
Right now I am focusing on my heart, on my future, and trying to strive hard to get where I want to go and who I want to be.
It has been raining and pouring in my life....but in the end when I finally stop hiding my eyes from the rain, I peek through my fingers to find that I'm drenched in sillystring and gummi bears....and isn't that just a wonderful thing?! :-)
Granted I have taken steps backwards....and sideways. I've tripped and fallen, gotten back up, only to stumble and find myself face-down in the mud thinking "how did I get here...again?!".
I have loved a lot, gotten wounded a lot, struggled, been victorious, made friends, lost friends, stepped away from people, drawn people closer than ever before. Crazy whirlwind type of stuff.
One of my best friends the other day told me this expression that her sister-in-law uses. Sometimes it rains and pours, but it rains sillystring and gummi bears. Even when it rains, the sun has to come out eventually!
This is what I like to call having faith, and letting the Lord lead us out of our fiery trials...but to the average person who may not believe what I believe, or may not believe in the power of Christ's love and mercy and power, we have the power to look at any situation in a positive manner.
Here I sit and the end of one whirlwind trial, wondering how I'm going to make one of my dreams come true.
After repo-ing the truck last week, I traded it and my car in for a brand-new car. The whole situation over all does not have the outcome that I would consider ideal. Ideally I'd still be driving my car that was paid off and not costing me any money. But given everything, I have a brand-new car that will be paid off in six years (by the way, I plan on this being the first car for any of the future kids that I may have), completely within my control, and following all angles of the law, not riding on the false promises and intentions of anyone else. My brand new car is a 2011 Jeep Patriot. Overall a really great, fuel-efficient vehicle. I'm going to have to adjust to not having power locks and windows but she drives well, is quite safe, and is completely covered by warranty. The Lord really came through in a very quick manner when I just put the whole situation in His hands. Literally, I spent one evening on my bed praying for the Jesus to take this whole mess and for it all just to fall within His will. And a day later, I walked out of the horrid situation I was tied to in the truck with Britton.
It's not without some downfalls. Now more than ever I'm worried about paying my bills. Now my bills every month equivalate to $1000 (car payment, car insurance, cell phone, student loans, credit card, monthly transfer into savings). My savings account is still very small, after Britton clearing my savings account and not paying it back.
The other day, after I picked him up to take him to the dealership to sign over his rights to the truck, he demanded I pay him back $20 that was in his truck that "had been there" when I repo'd the truck. He refused to sign the papers until I paid him back that $20. This coming from the man who owes me $2430, plus $50 that I paid for a parking ticket he got and didn't pay, plus the upside-down I am in trading in the truck. Really?!
And I'm worried about how I will pay my bills if I get into nursing school. I don't have a back-up savings and I'm worried about getting enough funding to pay for school and my personal life. And even if I do get enough funding, that will put my personal debt into a huge amount that I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with!!
However even with all of that worry and anxiety, I know all will work in whatever way will glorify the Lord!!
On the flip side, I finished applying to nursing school at Regis University and I have a pretty good shot of getting in I believe!! I really hope that I do get in :-) We will see what happens!!
Right now I am focusing on my heart, on my future, and trying to strive hard to get where I want to go and who I want to be.
It has been raining and pouring in my life....but in the end when I finally stop hiding my eyes from the rain, I peek through my fingers to find that I'm drenched in sillystring and gummi bears....and isn't that just a wonderful thing?! :-)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sunshine Peeking Through The Clouds
Well it has been an interesting couple of days.
Wednesday I repossessed my truck back from Britton, who though he was making the monthly payments (only because I was riding his ass all the time), still has not paid me back for the money he owes me (almost $2500), didn't put insurance on the truck and refused to get the breathalyzer in there. So I took power back into my hands and repo'd my own truck back.
It pissed him off. We had some words later that day in which the ugly side of him most definitely came out. Very deceitful like always, very vindictive and hurtful, very much Satan streaming through him. A lot of anger and very much just ugliness pouring through his every word, his every action, just pumping through his veins.
This morning I still gave him a chance to refinance the truck and the prick still was talking to me like shit, talking about me in front of my face on the phone, and being the kind of vicious person that I have seen he can be.
I was able to refinance the truck in my name only, thankfully, and will soon get rid of all of my vehicles and invest in a vehicle that I would actually like (gonna start doing some research on vehicles here in a couple minutes).
Basically what I realize is on one hand, my human nature is mad and wants to get revenge on someone who can so use so many other people in his life. I have a lot of regrets with him....the whole situation is regretful other than the impact it had on my relationship with the Lord. I wish I could take it all back and not do it.
But then again I am very grateful to the Lord for all that He has done in my life and done in my heart. I am grateful for all that He has done to bless me and while I learned these lessons the hard way, I am thankful that the Lord is forcing me into submission and (though painfully) molding me. I just hope I can continue to keep an open heart and keep learning and dwelling on the Lord.
So tonight I am humbly thanking Heavenly Father for answering prayers and asking him to keep a joy in my heart for my life, even when there's not always things in it that make me happy!!
Wednesday I repossessed my truck back from Britton, who though he was making the monthly payments (only because I was riding his ass all the time), still has not paid me back for the money he owes me (almost $2500), didn't put insurance on the truck and refused to get the breathalyzer in there. So I took power back into my hands and repo'd my own truck back.
It pissed him off. We had some words later that day in which the ugly side of him most definitely came out. Very deceitful like always, very vindictive and hurtful, very much Satan streaming through him. A lot of anger and very much just ugliness pouring through his every word, his every action, just pumping through his veins.
This morning I still gave him a chance to refinance the truck and the prick still was talking to me like shit, talking about me in front of my face on the phone, and being the kind of vicious person that I have seen he can be.
I was able to refinance the truck in my name only, thankfully, and will soon get rid of all of my vehicles and invest in a vehicle that I would actually like (gonna start doing some research on vehicles here in a couple minutes).
Basically what I realize is on one hand, my human nature is mad and wants to get revenge on someone who can so use so many other people in his life. I have a lot of regrets with him....the whole situation is regretful other than the impact it had on my relationship with the Lord. I wish I could take it all back and not do it.
But then again I am very grateful to the Lord for all that He has done in my life and done in my heart. I am grateful for all that He has done to bless me and while I learned these lessons the hard way, I am thankful that the Lord is forcing me into submission and (though painfully) molding me. I just hope I can continue to keep an open heart and keep learning and dwelling on the Lord.
So tonight I am humbly thanking Heavenly Father for answering prayers and asking him to keep a joy in my heart for my life, even when there's not always things in it that make me happy!!
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Repo
If these last two weeks haven't been eventful...oh vai!!
So lots of good, some not-so-good....and well a little of everything in-between!!
The overall theme: repossession.
Reposition of my life, of my heart, of my mind, of who I am.
I said goodbye to my little Ethan. One of the hardest things I've had to do yet in this life. I'm sure I will face loss more as I go along but ultimately, it comes down to Ethan is irreplacable in my heart. He left a lasting impression that will forever have its' mark on my life and his spirit, love, and dispotion will not be jaded by the lack of his physical presence. I miss him greatly, I miss his love and his smile and our friendship. There will never be one just like it and I am glad that Ethan will forever be in my heart as one of the first little ones to impact it in so many ways. He helped me to reclaim my heart, he put band-aids on areas I didn't even know how scars, and he brightened up my life. That will never change.
Since then I threw myself in my Regis nursing application and submitted it. The only thing left is turning in the letters of recommendation on Monday and then it's another waiting game for the next 6-8 weeks to hear about the big decision!! I decided I need to repossess my passions and my dreams....stop holding back (like I've gotten in a bad habit of doing) and to once again start shooting for the stars. I'd rather fail than regret never trying!!
I met up with an old friend from a year-and-a-half ago....getting to know each other. Exposing my heart and my scars. It's been a little refreshing see how I have changed in that time and taking the time to get to know someone new. I'm learning how to take possession for my actions, and guarding my actions and taking into account my intentions.
The Lord has placed it upon my heart to repossess my heart and I couldn't be happier. I am going to let Heavenly Father romance me from here on out and spend time working on the wounds within. Dating is completely on a back burner, as I know it's not healthy for me nor wanted.
My friendships are so important. I'm coming back around from holing up after Ethan's passing to getting back out there with friends. It was so refreshing to spend one whole saturday going from having my breakfast alone to chatting with a friend for two hours to chatting with my besties for three hours to chatting with the above friend for several hours. It felt so good to have that little warmth in my heart.
I did something a little crazy last night. I went to the Ozzy Osbourne show!! I mean I couldn't pass that up :-) I haven't been to a musical show in so long and then I go to a metal show...perfect way to break up the monotony and do something last minute and spontaneous!!
And today, I took repossession of my life in another area. I took back my truck. It isn't getting the truck back that matters. I don't want the truck, in fact I want my name off of the truck. What it was, more than anything, was taking repossession of the power Britton falsely put on me. He took such advantage of me, of my kindness, compassion, and giving ways....of my so many areas of my heart....and I was able to reclaim them by taking back their power. He can no longer hold me in the bondage of the lies and tales he spins, of the abuse of power he seems to revel in. I stood up for myself, on so many levels tonight, and for that I'm proud. I didn't let someone bully me and beat me down....though he tried. Fearlessly he tried to beat me down and tell me awful things after I took the truck...but that's Satan putting those false lies in the mouth of someone who has had power. And I know the truth. It feels good to once again stand up for myself and not let someone walk all over me.
Now it's back to the grind working and working, as the Lord is going to be seeing me through some crazy trials these next few months. But that's ok. I'm along for the ride Lord, as long as you're holding my hand through it all!!
"I know you're there, I know you see me..." [Casting Crowns lyric]
So lots of good, some not-so-good....and well a little of everything in-between!!
The overall theme: repossession.
Reposition of my life, of my heart, of my mind, of who I am.
I said goodbye to my little Ethan. One of the hardest things I've had to do yet in this life. I'm sure I will face loss more as I go along but ultimately, it comes down to Ethan is irreplacable in my heart. He left a lasting impression that will forever have its' mark on my life and his spirit, love, and dispotion will not be jaded by the lack of his physical presence. I miss him greatly, I miss his love and his smile and our friendship. There will never be one just like it and I am glad that Ethan will forever be in my heart as one of the first little ones to impact it in so many ways. He helped me to reclaim my heart, he put band-aids on areas I didn't even know how scars, and he brightened up my life. That will never change.
Since then I threw myself in my Regis nursing application and submitted it. The only thing left is turning in the letters of recommendation on Monday and then it's another waiting game for the next 6-8 weeks to hear about the big decision!! I decided I need to repossess my passions and my dreams....stop holding back (like I've gotten in a bad habit of doing) and to once again start shooting for the stars. I'd rather fail than regret never trying!!
I met up with an old friend from a year-and-a-half ago....getting to know each other. Exposing my heart and my scars. It's been a little refreshing see how I have changed in that time and taking the time to get to know someone new. I'm learning how to take possession for my actions, and guarding my actions and taking into account my intentions.
The Lord has placed it upon my heart to repossess my heart and I couldn't be happier. I am going to let Heavenly Father romance me from here on out and spend time working on the wounds within. Dating is completely on a back burner, as I know it's not healthy for me nor wanted.
My friendships are so important. I'm coming back around from holing up after Ethan's passing to getting back out there with friends. It was so refreshing to spend one whole saturday going from having my breakfast alone to chatting with a friend for two hours to chatting with my besties for three hours to chatting with the above friend for several hours. It felt so good to have that little warmth in my heart.
I did something a little crazy last night. I went to the Ozzy Osbourne show!! I mean I couldn't pass that up :-) I haven't been to a musical show in so long and then I go to a metal show...perfect way to break up the monotony and do something last minute and spontaneous!!
And today, I took repossession of my life in another area. I took back my truck. It isn't getting the truck back that matters. I don't want the truck, in fact I want my name off of the truck. What it was, more than anything, was taking repossession of the power Britton falsely put on me. He took such advantage of me, of my kindness, compassion, and giving ways....of my so many areas of my heart....and I was able to reclaim them by taking back their power. He can no longer hold me in the bondage of the lies and tales he spins, of the abuse of power he seems to revel in. I stood up for myself, on so many levels tonight, and for that I'm proud. I didn't let someone bully me and beat me down....though he tried. Fearlessly he tried to beat me down and tell me awful things after I took the truck...but that's Satan putting those false lies in the mouth of someone who has had power. And I know the truth. It feels good to once again stand up for myself and not let someone walk all over me.
Now it's back to the grind working and working, as the Lord is going to be seeing me through some crazy trials these next few months. But that's ok. I'm along for the ride Lord, as long as you're holding my hand through it all!!
"I know you're there, I know you see me..." [Casting Crowns lyric]
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