Saturday, February 26, 2011

You Are You

These past couple of weeks have been ones of renewance. I have found I can breathe in deeper breaths, I can more fully enjoy the sunshine on my face, my pep is coming back in my step, and there has been some revitilization of my soul. Life HAS gotten a lot easier, there is more sun shining through the clouds in my world, and the mark of the Lord's blessing is so vivid on my life.

Let's please give the glory and credit where they are due. THANK YOU ABBA FATHER! The one and ONLY reason I have gotten through all that I have, and that things have been so blessed is because of the Lord and HIs mercy and love and guidance. The power of Christ's peace and comfort have kept me calm and held me firm when I really didn't think I could last much longer under the burdens of my trials. He has whispered so reassuringly in my ear, if even just a whisper, "I am here beloved" over and over and over. He has so perfectly provided through all my trials that He knew were coming in my life, exactly what I needed it, when I needed it, even when I didn't even know I needed it.

He knew that I would get myself into these trials, He knew they were coming, and He provided all support and avenues needed for me to come out. And it's all because we have such an amazing God that we can rely on that it was even possible. It wasn't me. It was the Lord. It is our Almighty God that my life has gone from chaotic trials to the more calm in my life.

Getting into specifics: I can now understand why those who are going through separation and divorce sometimes say "I don't care how this all ends, I'm just ready to be done and ready to move forward." Though I didn't go through a divorce or huge separation, figuring out this whole truck situation with Britton was sorta like going through a divorce. I was legally tied to him long after we had broken up. And it was exhausting. By the time it was all taken care of, the relief of having all that weight on my shoulders was absolutely amazing. I didn't even realize how much burden I carried around all the time because of that whole situation and just how much it affected all of my life. After it was all said and done, I told my mom with a huge sigh of relief "I am just so glad to be done with all of that. I feel like I can take in a very deep breathe for the first time in months." Britton still owes me thousands of dollars, money he cleared out of my savings account and has never paid back. My dad was talking about going through all of the legal procedures to have his wages garnished (as Britton signed a personal loan on all the money he borrowed) and he was explaining it to me how it all works. And after some thought, I came to the decision to I don't want to pursue that. It's a huge learning mistake that I made but one that I learned from and that strengthened my relationship with the Lord. But more importantly, it just feels so wonderful to not have him involved in my life. That money, though very valuable to me, and money that I could very desperately afford to have back, is not worth the relief and calm I have in not being connected to him in anyway. So in my eyes, that whole situation is closed. I lost a lot in the end but I am also incredibly victorious. I have my life, I have my faith and my God, I have my health, and I am very blessed. I am so incredibly blessed!!!

There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for: my health, my family, my friends, a house over my head, food in my tummy, money in my bank account (no matter how much I may struggle), my faith, and a God that always provides. And I am loved. That is the biggest blessing of all. I am LOVED!! By my Lord, by my family and friends, and I am the receiver of their love, in whatever way it is given. How does that not make me one of the richest women on earth?! :-) Just to be a child of the Lord makes me the richest of the rich, to have the chance to know the glory of our Heavenly Father who so lovingly bestows His blessings on us.

My future is right on the tips of my fingers and I am looking towards the long goal and reveling in knowing all of my life is ultimately in the Lord's hands and not my own.

In the meantime, I take pleasure in focusing on my kiddos, on my job, on my friends and family, and diving into my relationship with Christ. I take so much delight in getting to know my God on all new levels and understanding His power and vast love even deeper. I also take delight in going through this part of my life with the people that the Lord has put in it. I have some fabulous friends and the most loyal of family who have helped to support me. I love having best friends who want to go to church with me and accept me as I am and who take the time to be there for me on my worst of days and provide words of encouragement, advice and wisdom. I love that I have an extensive support system of people who are understanding and loving.

On a more light-hearted note: With all the transitions and brighter side of things....well I just naturally wanted a little bit of a change. So guess what I changed (hint: it's something that has been known to change every couple of months for the past year or so)?! Yeap you guessed hair do!

So I will leave you with a little quote that my sister-in-law left on my wall, that although very well known, made my day and reminded me it's ok to be me and where I'm at and I should be proud of simply being me!

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." [Dr. Suess]

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