If I were to say that the last couple years of my life have been chaotic and full of trials, that could be considered a truthful observation. At times I would even call it an understatement. On the flipside, they have also been a couple very incredible years in which I have grown tremendously.
Granted I have taken steps backwards....and sideways. I've tripped and fallen, gotten back up, only to stumble and find myself face-down in the mud thinking "how did I get here...again?!".
I have loved a lot, gotten wounded a lot, struggled, been victorious, made friends, lost friends, stepped away from people, drawn people closer than ever before. Crazy whirlwind type of stuff.
One of my best friends the other day told me this expression that her sister-in-law uses. Sometimes it rains and pours, but it rains sillystring and gummi bears. Even when it rains, the sun has to come out eventually!
This is what I like to call having faith, and letting the Lord lead us out of our fiery trials...but to the average person who may not believe what I believe, or may not believe in the power of Christ's love and mercy and power, we have the power to look at any situation in a positive manner.
Here I sit and the end of one whirlwind trial, wondering how I'm going to make one of my dreams come true.
After repo-ing the truck last week, I traded it and my car in for a brand-new car. The whole situation over all does not have the outcome that I would consider ideal. Ideally I'd still be driving my car that was paid off and not costing me any money. But given everything, I have a brand-new car that will be paid off in six years (by the way, I plan on this being the first car for any of the future kids that I may have), completely within my control, and following all angles of the law, not riding on the false promises and intentions of anyone else. My brand new car is a 2011 Jeep Patriot. Overall a really great, fuel-efficient vehicle. I'm going to have to adjust to not having power locks and windows but she drives well, is quite safe, and is completely covered by warranty. The Lord really came through in a very quick manner when I just put the whole situation in His hands. Literally, I spent one evening on my bed praying for the Jesus to take this whole mess and for it all just to fall within His will. And a day later, I walked out of the horrid situation I was tied to in the truck with Britton.
It's not without some downfalls. Now more than ever I'm worried about paying my bills. Now my bills every month equivalate to $1000 (car payment, car insurance, cell phone, student loans, credit card, monthly transfer into savings). My savings account is still very small, after Britton clearing my savings account and not paying it back.
The other day, after I picked him up to take him to the dealership to sign over his rights to the truck, he demanded I pay him back $20 that was in his truck that "had been there" when I repo'd the truck. He refused to sign the papers until I paid him back that $20. This coming from the man who owes me $2430, plus $50 that I paid for a parking ticket he got and didn't pay, plus the upside-down I am in trading in the truck. Really?!
And I'm worried about how I will pay my bills if I get into nursing school. I don't have a back-up savings and I'm worried about getting enough funding to pay for school and my personal life. And even if I do get enough funding, that will put my personal debt into a huge amount that I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with!!
However even with all of that worry and anxiety, I know all will work in whatever way will glorify the Lord!!
On the flip side, I finished applying to nursing school at Regis University and I have a pretty good shot of getting in I believe!! I really hope that I do get in :-) We will see what happens!!
Right now I am focusing on my heart, on my future, and trying to strive hard to get where I want to go and who I want to be.
It has been raining and pouring in my life....but in the end when I finally stop hiding my eyes from the rain, I peek through my fingers to find that I'm drenched in sillystring and gummi bears....and isn't that just a wonderful thing?! :-)