If these last two weeks haven't been eventful...oh vai!!
So lots of good, some not-so-good....and well a little of everything in-between!!
The overall theme: repossession.
Reposition of my life, of my heart, of my mind, of who I am.
I said goodbye to my little Ethan. One of the hardest things I've had to do yet in this life. I'm sure I will face loss more as I go along but ultimately, it comes down to Ethan is irreplacable in my heart. He left a lasting impression that will forever have its' mark on my life and his spirit, love, and dispotion will not be jaded by the lack of his physical presence. I miss him greatly, I miss his love and his smile and our friendship. There will never be one just like it and I am glad that Ethan will forever be in my heart as one of the first little ones to impact it in so many ways. He helped me to reclaim my heart, he put band-aids on areas I didn't even know how scars, and he brightened up my life. That will never change.
Since then I threw myself in my Regis nursing application and submitted it. The only thing left is turning in the letters of recommendation on Monday and then it's another waiting game for the next 6-8 weeks to hear about the big decision!! I decided I need to repossess my passions and my dreams....stop holding back (like I've gotten in a bad habit of doing) and to once again start shooting for the stars. I'd rather fail than regret never trying!!
I met up with an old friend from a year-and-a-half ago....getting to know each other. Exposing my heart and my scars. It's been a little refreshing see how I have changed in that time and taking the time to get to know someone new. I'm learning how to take possession for my actions, and guarding my actions and taking into account my intentions.
The Lord has placed it upon my heart to repossess my heart and I couldn't be happier. I am going to let Heavenly Father romance me from here on out and spend time working on the wounds within. Dating is completely on a back burner, as I know it's not healthy for me nor wanted.
My friendships are so important. I'm coming back around from holing up after Ethan's passing to getting back out there with friends. It was so refreshing to spend one whole saturday going from having my breakfast alone to chatting with a friend for two hours to chatting with my besties for three hours to chatting with the above friend for several hours. It felt so good to have that little warmth in my heart.
I did something a little crazy last night. I went to the Ozzy Osbourne show!! I mean I couldn't pass that up :-) I haven't been to a musical show in so long and then I go to a metal show...perfect way to break up the monotony and do something last minute and spontaneous!!
And today, I took repossession of my life in another area. I took back my truck. It isn't getting the truck back that matters. I don't want the truck, in fact I want my name off of the truck. What it was, more than anything, was taking repossession of the power Britton falsely put on me. He took such advantage of me, of my kindness, compassion, and giving ways....of my so many areas of my heart....and I was able to reclaim them by taking back their power. He can no longer hold me in the bondage of the lies and tales he spins, of the abuse of power he seems to revel in. I stood up for myself, on so many levels tonight, and for that I'm proud. I didn't let someone bully me and beat me down....though he tried. Fearlessly he tried to beat me down and tell me awful things after I took the truck...but that's Satan putting those false lies in the mouth of someone who has had power. And I know the truth. It feels good to once again stand up for myself and not let someone walk all over me.
Now it's back to the grind working and working, as the Lord is going to be seeing me through some crazy trials these next few months. But that's ok. I'm along for the ride Lord, as long as you're holding my hand through it all!!
"I know you're there, I know you see me..." [Casting Crowns lyric]