Sunday, November 01, 2009

Halloween Fun

I'll let you in on a little secret....I absolutely hated feeling as slut-tastic as I did on friday but I also reveled in it. I can't help it, it's my inner rebellion.

I've never been so showy of my legs ever before. I'm curvy in my hip/leg/butt area but I'm learning to flaunt my figure. Therefore, I loved being able to flaunt myself. Don't get me wrong, I really wasn't that slutty. I've just never dressed so revealing before.....other than prancing around in my swimsuit as a lifeguard and swim season. But that was around a group of people who shared the same half-naked love of being a swimmer.....those people saw me every day sans make-up and flattering clothes with my hair in a swim cap and goggles on my eyes....and vice versa me seeing them that way. It was an acceptance of who you were as a person. That's not how society was. So this was a different form of daring for me, though I don't mind prancing around in my swim suit most the time.

But I loved it. I loved pushing the envelope. Hell I love doing that most days anyway. I have a tendency to do it more often than not anymore. But it was fun.

It was great to see Eamonn's band play, to see Britt and Shel no matter how different it was. It was good to be back in FoCo and feel a little bit of the energy I'm used to being in.

If only I could do it more often.

Last night was also fun.....a night of horror movies....oh I love it!! Love love loved it!!

Eric and I went bowling then watched horror was a really good evening for us.

It felt good to feel him caress my head so lovingly for the first time, to spend so much time with him and he WANTED to spend that much time with me. To look in his eyes and again be able to tell he cares for me. His walls are slowly coming down. But at the same time, I revel in knowing that what is going on between us is not serious as of yet....I still have walls up around him.

But I love the time we spend together.....he's being genuine and I couldn't ask for more. It's not perfect but it's real and genuine and that's what I want.

I went to one of my besties house on thursday. Drank a few beers, laughed, bashed on guys....ok Sheree and Britt did the bashing, I did the eating and some of the drinking and was a moral support. I loved being back with on old friend.....she needs me and I love being there for her. I wish I could be there for my friends more often.

Credit dangerous, yet so amazing. Love them and hate them. I freak out about money anymore, all the time, living paycheck to wants go above and beyond my income. I need to work on that. I do pretty well with my money most of the time but these credit cards make it easy to rack a couple hundred dollars back up as soon as I get them paid off.

I desire to live with people my age. I need to. Hopefully within the next year that will happen....I will be able to afford to.

I hear whether I'm accepted in the first round of nursing applicants the end of this month....scary!!!

Ok, I'm headed to Barnes & Noble then Best Buy. I'm going to go read more of A Thousand Splendid Suns.....SUCH a great book that I'm too lazy to buy and the library here doesn't have. Then I have a gift card and I'm getting season three of Friday Night Lights.....oh I can't wait. I heart that dad put a love of football into me in more ways than I want to admit.

Oh well, it's part of me.

I'm slowly becoming more content in various ways....but I wish more of my life was figured out....don't we all?! I just am tired of so much transition, yet I'm reveling in the freedom.

Talk about being a weirdo who doesn't make

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