The past couple days have been long, hard, exhausting.....yet so completely rewarding. I think it's been a lot about some mindset. But also about what's been going on.
I have huge qualms with my life but I also am able to see the blessings and beauty all the time. I just choose to vent about the negative a lot. But seriously there is beauty in every single day that I enjoy!!
Sunday was my day "off" though I spent six hours still at work helping to digitize chenelle for my parents. But before then I went to Michael's to get the stuff to work on the birthday present for Britt, which basically set me up to start my week off well with getting to do something creative. Then I got to "create" while digitizing, though it's not anything creative in my opinion.
But yesterday, I just woke up in a great mood. I went into work smiling and singing and it set me up for a great day with my kids. My days are not without hardships. Our afternoon class especially is just extremely hard and exhausting between the sheer amount of needs coming from 16 kids who have special needs of varying extremes and the amount of energy these particular 16 children possess. However, Diane, Kendall and I are now becoming a more well-oiled machine and it makes the day manageable. We laugh and joke and have figured out our own little dance of working together. We sitll face kinks and whatnot but it makes work enjoyable.
I've also found keeping a steady supply of caffeine (via coffee, espresso, or soda) seems to help sufficiently.
And then today Diane had to take her mom to the hospital. So her position had a sub and then our afternoon para is a new hire. We have two kids who require absolute one-on-one at all times. Ethan has cerebral palsy and is wheelchair-bound, nonverbal and Maddy is a three-year-old who functions at the level of an eleven-month-old. (Did I mention she doesn't take to strangers at all meaning she has to work with either Kendall myself or Diane) And this week Maddy is being a turkey and only wants to listen to Kendall. But because of all the logistics I worked with Ethan today as only Kendall and myself are trained on how to move and hold Ethan and Kendall needed to lead the class.
It was my first day of really handling Ethan as far as holding him for longer amounts of time, carrying him, changing him, etc. And today was one of his strong days for his muscles, and one of the days that he just really wanted to stand.....requiring extra amounts of physical strength than normal from any caregiver working with him. It was a good day but exhausting. Yet so completely rewarding. This little human being was reliant upon me for everything and I felt I had to be on my A-game the whole day but he was so content and so happy and did so well with the speech therapist and even though at first I was unsure and uncomfortable with handling him, being thrown in allowed me the chance to get comfortable and learn what works for me. It was challenging!! And I enjoyed that :)
And my phlebotomy class is going well :) I mean I don't feel confident to poke anyone without a preceptor watching me but I enjoy it, it's challenging, and I'm learning and I'm pretty good at what I've done so far (even though I've hit a few glitches). It just feels good to be challenged.
Life is about perspective. I've been bitching and moaning but there is so much beauty to my life even though it's not going the way I want it to. I have so many blessings I need to be thankful for and I can find so many rewards if I just look aorund.
Did I mention my favorite kid Patrick is learning how to hug (sounds like something you would normally know how to do but he's having to learn it) and today he came up to me while I was down at his level, said hi, put his head on my chest and his arms on my arms.....that's the closest I've come to a full hug from him and it felt wonderful. I live for those little moments right now.
They might be the most effective form of birth control ever but it doesn't mean they don't still all hold a special place in my heart!! Love love love those kids.
I just need a little bit of perspective every once in awhile :)