Saturday, November 07, 2009

I heart

Friday Night Lights!!!

As in the tv show....I just got done watching season three and honestly it's the best tv show around :) There's nothing that can compare to it.

I'd love to have a Tim Riggins in my life. He has the badboy edge but he's a sweetie down underneath it. He has heart and is a leader when needed. He loves and supports those around him and lets them know that. He's scared of failure but steps up to the plate. Oh goodness.

I went and watched my dad coach his last football game of the season this afternoon. It was fun watching him; I realized that I stand exactly like him a good majority of the time. I get a lot of my mannerisms from him. But I also found I get a lot of passion from him. My dad's passion focuses around God, family and football. I have those same passions but also much more. But it's goood to see that my passion derives from somewhere though I'm not quite sure he is as passionate as I am. At one point in his life, when he was younger and had more energy I'm sure he did. But right now his energy has waned just a tad....but it was encouraging to see that in him.

I've found my serenity as of late has been the library or a bookstore. I just find a weird peace there, like I can escape my troubles. I'm actually there right now. I can fly and be myself.

I have to get new tires on my car.....ugh. My parents are paying for it and I feel bad. I feel like I should be able to pay for it on my own but I can't afford it right now.

In some ways the year after you graduate just really sucks. But I keep holding onto faith that sometime in the next few years my life will somehow begin to make more sense and to become less turbulent. But at the same time I have a huge fear of it becoming monotonous and boring.

I don't understand how people my age are able to settle down and get married and have kids. My mom says it's about finding the right person. But I feel like I would get bored and feel stiffled at this point in my life. I feel like I'm odd because I just don't have a desire for that anytime soon.....but I guess that also comes with realizing that I'm nowhere near a point emotionally, financially and physically that it would be suitable for that to happen. I guess it just makes me again feel like the oddball out that I'm oddly enough one of very few people my age who don't even desire that nor begin to think about it. I guess it does require first require dating someone....and that's not happening in my life probably any time soon!!

Oh man, ranting again, I just have so many thoughts and everything has been running through my mind wildly all week. I'm verbally puking again. I guess that's what happens when you start to feel like life isn't going the way you would want it to at the moment. And when you start really starting to think about your future and getting to where you want.

First step: get into nursing school. I really hope I make the first round picks. I'll find out at the end of this month. Crossing my fingers....

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