Yesterday was a "girlie" day for me. I went to a baby shower and a wedding.
I realize I'm at that age where those are just facts of life. People just married and have kids starting in their young twenties...and we are all turning 23/24 now.
However, I'm not to that point yet in my life. I find it a bit awkward going to these functions and having the "life" conversations. Like talking about married life and decorating houses for 45 minutes at a baby shower has almost no appeal to me....not because I don't want it someday but simply because I'm not there yet and I can't relate to any of that.
And then at weddings, having people who I have known through the years ask me what I'm up to and what I am doing with my life. Well those answers aren't as easy as they seem. There's the easy answers: "just working with special needs kids currently, trying to get into nursing school, living at home where it's free...can't beat that!" but really I do so much more with my life and have so many plans. I'm just waiting for God to direct me. And He will. But how do you explain that to others?!
It was strange. I felt so awkward at both of these events, as though I'm an outsider looking in. But for the first time in my life, I started to crave these things. They won't happen anytime soon....but for the first time I caught a real glimpse that these things will happen for me sometime in my future. But I am in no rush for these events. I'd rather continue to be the outsider looking in, than to jump into these life events before ready.
I wonder if there's some part of my biological clock missing. Most other girls really want these things and dream about them and plan for them. Me, well I'd rather just go with the flow. Last night was the first time that it actually hit me that one day I'll be a wife and a mother. But I still have no need to get into that. Makes me wonder if part of my girliness is missing....