Friday, September 11, 2009

Changing of the Seasons

Changing, changing, changing

Eric and I are "together" again. Love the rollercoaster that is my romantic life?!

Last friday we did the tour de fat. SO fun :) I will have to post pics soon. But the night before we went partying with my cousin in Greeley and some deep held secrets came out. The one secret I hold I finally told him. And he told me he loved me. A lot to take in in one night!!! He told me it's hard for him to say it even to those that he loves, I'm one of two women he's told (Kelly being the other one).

At the same time, I still see him reluctant to say it. He's still convinced I'm going to hurt him like Kelly did. I hate when guys think that. I don't cheat on people. This makes relationship #2 where the person couldn't trust me fully because they think I'm going to cheat on them like the ex did. WTF?!?! That's not me!!

I definitely am still a little guarded around him. Call me crazy but he DID shatter my heart once, he's capable of doing it again. I have a boo-boo and it still has a band-aid covering it from complete exposure to the air. It's gonna take a little bit for it to come off which is probably a GOOD thing.

BUT I'm still very happy with him. I love him. Call me crazy again. There's just something about that boy. There's something about him that I couldn't even fight falling in love. Something tells me I'm being completely dangerous and stupid with my heart. But it makes for some great entertainment to those around me!!

On another front, I've been working my ass off. Still worried as crap about bills though. And I start my phlebotomy class which is going to add to my already full work weeks.

Working with special ed preschoolers has been SO rewarding yet exhausting. Little kids take a lot of energy, especially when you are with them for seven hours at school and then also when I babysit the DB girls. Man on man. Life has gotten chaotic busy and I still find myself drowning little bit by little bit financially.

I'll come out on top eventually though!! One step at a time.

Family issues?! Of course. I am starting to think this feud will never end. I don't know how to sit down and tell my parents my feelings and thoughts. I really don't. I don't think they are ever going to understand who I am and love me through it. I just think I'm such a huge disappointment straight across the board. My dad doesn't even look at me anymore. Makes me wonder if I'll ever be good enough for any man if I'm not good enough for my own father.

"I'm supa dupa fly".....I'm singing along to a song playing on itunes right now and it's pretty catchy. Aloha by Fat Joe. I'd love to have Eric's music. It's like being in a brand-new candy store with eyes wide at all the new possibilities. Man that's what I need right now. A drive in a fast car with music blaring. I want to be in the drivers seat though.

I need an adrenaline rush or some excitement soon. Need to feel as though I'm alive.

Tour de fat Denver this weekend :) Wearing bright bright colors of course!!! Nothing but bright colors for me.

Hmmm.....more thoughts to be poured out later. Have to head to the doctor's for them to tell me that I DON'T have TB.

Going going gone.

1 comment:

A Lady Called Amy said...

nice to hear from you girly. :-)

you are good enough for God who is you "true" father if that makes sense... so you better get used to the fact that you should be good enough for anyone else, even if they can't/don't see it.

silly people.

love you.