Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Mind purge

Wowie!!! I can't believe September is almost over. Where did August and September go?!?! I feel like it's been a whirlwind. I now understand why your parents say enjoy your youth because it goes by fast. I'm 21, graduating (hopefully) in May and I honestly can't believe I'm at this point in my life!!

Senior year is CRAZY!!! As in crazy busy, crazy chaotic, crazy mindblowing and crazyass but lovable roommates :)

However, I have a knit-pick right now. CSU is all about "diversity". You can't escape the word if you dressed up in camoflauge and hid in the trees. But I'm tired of being told I'm racist because I'm white. Just because I'm white!! I'm not diversified because my skin color is "white", because I'm "not a minority". Bladdy bladdy blah. Sick and TIRED of hearing it. I'll have you know my heritage is Native American Cherokee, Irish Immigrant and Czechoslovakian immigrants. I find it ignorant that "minorities" keep clumping me in the white category because my skin is pasty and not trying to find out what my heritage really is. Don't judge a book by it's cover. But I've experienced nothing less than reverse discrimination/racism my whole life and yet I'm told I'm privileged.

I grew up thinking monolingual meant you only spoke spanish because of where I grew up. ESL was normal. I wasn't considered for certain classes and special groups for advanced students when I was in elementary because I was white. In middle school a teacher purposely tried to give me a D when I deserved an A because I wasn't a spanish-speaking student. She refused to help me and purposely lost all the work I turned in.
In high school I had to deal with being called cracker and whitey. I couldn't apply for half the scholarships my senior year because I wasn't Latino or a minority. In college, I'm told I'm privileged, that I will graduate with less loans than minorities and "ethnics". I don't qualify for grants, subsidized loans, or workstudy. All of my loans are unsubsidized. I have paid for all of my education by working for it. I'm privileged yet I can't apply for lots of scholarships because I'm white. There are no "white only" colleges or United White Person's Fund. I will graduate with just as much in loans as any "ethnic" groups.
I can be told I dance like a white girl but when I say my brother acts black I'm racist. Which I think is rather funny considering this story:
Two years ago I drove up from where I was going to college (UCCS in Colorado Springs) to watch both my brothers play on the varsity football team. I went down to the field pre-game as my dad always ran the chains. When I got down near the line, a few black kids that I knew from being around my brothers asked me "You're Kevan's sister, aint ya?" and I told them I was. They themselves looked at me and said "That kid acts like he's black....but he's a cool dawg. We dig him." So when they say that, it's not racist. But when I mimic the words that came out of their mouths, all of a sudden I am.

I am really tired of minorities telling me how racist I am when in fact it's reverse discrimination. I find it funny that all the examples that they use are from 60-70 years ago. We ARE in a new generation. I also find it ironic that they fight the racism shown towards them by doing it to us "whites". Two wrongs do not make a right and restitution does not come in the form of being reversing discriminatory. You can't get rid of something by doing the same thing you are trying to get rid of. If that makes sense.

Anywho, that's enough of my rant. I just got really mad being told twice in one day that I was racist. Once because I said my brother acts like he's black and the other by a lecture to the entire community in her lecture. It doesn't sit well with me.

I am excited though. I'm making new friends and trying to learn to enjoy my senior year!! Finally. I want to get out more though!!

I want to go rock-climbing. I want to go bungee-jumping. I want to ride my bike for long durations of time. I want to go camping (sadly didn't get to go this summer), I want to hike up to Emerald Lake (seen some B-E-A-U-tiful pictures), want to experience Old Town and throw my precautions to the wind! I wanna live, I wanna love, I wanna enjoy :)

I feel tied to all these obligations and it's mind boggling. God didn't mean for my life to be so burdened. No instead because society says so, I've taken on everything anyone says is the responsible thing to do. In all honestly, it's just too burdening and too much! No more though, no more.

We are having a Masquerade Ball at our place on friday. It's going to be SA-WEET!! Wine, fancy dress, masks and hella cool cats. Heck to the yeah :)

It's going to be UBER amounts of fun. Yeah anywho, I have GOT to get to gettin on some of this homework. It's only due tomorrow. No biggie. AHH!!! Why do I procrastinate.

Mind dump over.

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