Friday, September 26, 2008

Bumps in the road

Today I broke up with Scott after two year and two months of dating.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I don't think it's completely hit me yet. But I know it's for the best. He's a perfect gentlemen. The guy who does everything right. But our personailities just got to be too different for me to handle. He can do all the right things in the world but if our personalities aren't right for each other....

It's hard to continue in a relationship when you're not completely happy. I love him. But I can't feed energy off of him. My energy is fed directly off of others. And I just couldn't handle him not having the enthusiasm and socialness that means a lot to me, that I feed off of.

I could spend the rest of my life with him. But I wouldn't be as happy as I could be. It took me awhile to figure that out. But I'm glad I did. It might seem cruel. But I feel it's more important to be honest to him and true to myself than to be unfair.

I'm a firm believer that you should not get in relationships if you have feelings for someone else and also that you should get out of a relationship if the feelings for that person aren't what that person deserves. I can't fully give Scott my heart. It wasn't fair to continue on if I can't give him all of me. And he couldn't give all of himself to me. He needs to find out who he is first before we can do that and I'm not sure he knows exactly who he is and what makes him who he is.

I have so much more I could and want to write about all of this but we (my roommates and I) had a Masquerade Ball tonight and I have not gotten a lot of sleep this year, I'm exhausted, I'm tipsy and I just want to get to bed. Just needed an outlet.

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