Monday, June 23, 2008


I'm stressed. Period. Three classes and work combined with the pressures of both is getting to me. On top of that Scott and I are having tensions again. I don't know what to say or do right now. Part of me wants to scream everything I feel. But I'm siding with the part that just keeps my mouth shut to get by at the moment. I just don't understand. I don't understand a lot of things. Maybe I'm too stubborn. I don't know. I just don't know when things started to get this way. But at this point in time I don't know what to do. As my parents say, time will work all things out. I'm giving it time and not being reactive at the moment. I've never tried it before, we'll see how it goes.

All I know is with the combination of everything right now, I'm bogged down. I have a headache, my heart is heavy, I want to seclude myself and I want all the stress to alleviate. I can't keep handling the pressure of everything, it's not healthy. It's not healthy to worry and stress as much as I do. I've really contemplated seeking professional therapy to help me through some things. If only I could afford it.

I can't ever relax. I have no one to lean on. And I don't burden anyone with anything that has to do with me. I refuse. The world and everyone in it has enough problems. "No man is an island." But I can't help but feel like I have to be.

On a lighter note, I'm going to the Arbonne Retreat in Oklahoma City in the middle of July for a weekend. It's the manager's retreat and since my membership under my team can't happen until then (my old membership has to expire under the team I'm on right now), it will be right after I join the team. They want me to start planning parties then!! I'm excited but honestly can I handle another thing on my plate?! I think I can. I really do. I think I can do this and I can be good at it. It's my time to shine for something, to be successful at something, to be recognized for something and this will be it. If not I fail only myself, which honestly is the hardest thing for me to bare. I fail all the time, in so many ways. I want to shine in just one way for once in my life.

So any ladies, if anyone actually reads this ever, I will be starting to sell Arbonne in July. It's a great product, you should try it. And you should try it by me :)

Well I'm going home to go to bed, after studying all night, though I didn't actually get much accomplished. The tension in my neck and back is killing me. A massage would be great right about now....

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