Friday, August 20, 2010

This past month has been incredibly emotional for several reasons. And emotional is being meant both good and bad. When someone is passionate, the highs are really high and the lows are really low. Likewise, good emotions are amazingly excellent and bad emotions are excruciatingly terrible.

I have had both ends of the spectrum in terms of emotions this month.

Through it all however, God has kept me incredibly blessed and continues to teach me each and every day.

Life is as busy as ever and though my to-do list is getting more and more things crossed off of it every day, there seems to be bigger and better things awaiting to put themselves on the list as soon as I cross one off!! Life is jampacked full of events and people and memories right now that at the end of the day it feels so good to put my head down, yet I feel guilty for indulging in the pleasure of sleeping!

Right now, being in love is kind of intense. Not the being in love part itself. Well, actually that is incredibly intense but in a great way that doesn't seem to worry me other than the fact that I'm so darn vulnerable, which is a new thing for me. But learning to navigate a relationship has been more work. Work in a good way but work in a good way. Britton and I are still very much trying to figure each other out and learn how to "dance" in this relationship together. We communicate very well but we are still learning so much that communication is kind of intense sometimes. It's easy but intense. But there's no other way I'd rather have it. I love that man, I am in love with that man, and I have made a choice to love him, through everything we may be put through.

We have several rules in our relationship but one is this. We never leave a room or conversation without telling each other we love each other and a kiss. Nothing drastic has happened but we practice it very well. We laugh so easy together yet conversations are usually pretty deep. Yet supportive and encouraging. It's a crazy journey I wasn't really expecting but I love being on this journey.

Also adding to my emotions has been the ever-ongoing transitional phase that is my life. Most days I handle it well but some days leave me with millions of unanswered questions that for whatever reason at that moment I can't push from the back of my mind. Some of my insecurities and doubts and fears have been coming out due to the lack of stability in my life. I have noticed my OCD has gotten incredibly more profound and anxious to me this past month. I know I'm searching for some sort of control on my life....that's how I compulse. I organize and clean in order to feel like I have some sense of control over my life and my emotions when I have no other way of doing that. And I've noticed that my hands just have to stay busy most of the time anymore.

But let's throw in a little blessing, shall we?! There's SO many to choose from, despite all the crazy emotions that are going through me all the time.

Well there's this really amazing woman that just so happens to be Britton's sister-in-law. She has terminal cancer but she is just absolutely amazing to me, in ways I can't explain, yet I am just now getting to know her.

Things have been a little rough around their home and Britton has invited me to come with him to visit them a couple times this past week. Cam is an amazing man himself, and they have two wonderful little boys. Home life is chaotic and intense for them. How can it not be with all the medical stuff going on with Diana?! Yet Diana's faith in God and their dedication to the Lord keeps a semblence of peace and order.

It's no secret to me that I get attached to kids very easy. I work with them, I love them, and they are just such wonderful characteristic individuals. So it doesn't surprise me that I've taken partiality not only to being a part of Britton's family right now but also to Cam and Diana's boys. Amazing and tough little guys they are. Between Dawson's laugh and Zach's hugs they've had me from the start. So to get to see them twice in one week has been SO uplifting to me!

Tonight we went up to their home and spent some time with them and the boys, and the boys were all out hiking. I finally have busted out my camera again (thank goodness, it's about time!) and so OF COURSE I had to snap some photos. Here is one of my's four special boys that have special places in my heart already.

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