Saturday, April 03, 2010

Ray of Sunshine

The past 24 hours have been highly emotional for a few reasons....of which I won't get into but they have been.

I went from being in a great mood with tons of positive energy to getting burned to building it back up to being shit on by my mother to feeling lost to feeling very raw to feeling completely lost to feeling hurt.....and then at the end of my night, my heart was melted.

I'm sure you could have guessed it. Ethie, one of my little kiddos melted my heart.

His mother called me this morning asking last minute if I could babysit. Her sister is in town and they wanted to have some couple time. Annie has three kids including Ethie. Ethie is a twin and then they have a baby girl who is only a few months old. Annie asked if I was sure and I said "Yes! I have no other plans tonight so that's perfect." She then proceeded to tell me that her sister has an autistic son and asked if I was comfortable with this. Of COURSE I said yes!! My other little fav kiddo is autistic. So I told her no problem.

Over the course of this break I've changed my look by cutting my hair and I have been wearing my glasses due to having very irritated eyes right now. I was afraid Ethie wouldn't recognize me.

But I walked in the door and saw Ethie laying on Annie's lap as she was changing him into his pajamas and at first he didn't recognize me. Annie told me later she had told him Ms. Nicole was coming over and he had gotten very excited but I could tell walking in he was a bit confused. When I said hi, his ENTIRE face lit up. He laughed and when he gets excited his whole body tenses up/flexes and that's exactly what he did!! His mom said that despite a fun-filled day at the zoo with his cousins and siblings, he hadn't been this excited all day.

He actually cried when his dad took him upstairs to put him to bed.

That just made my heart melt.

Later on that evening I had difficulties putting Lizzy, his baby sister down to sleep and it woke up Ethie. Their mutual crying kept each other awake and so I finally took Lizzy up by Ethie so I could try to mutually calm them down. Ethie of course got smiles from ear to ear when I came in but I soon found that laying them down next to each other wasn't helping Lizzy in the slightest. After a half hour of trying to get her to stop fussing I finally laid her down exasperated to let her try to cry herself to sleep (sometimes you just have to do that) and went up to comfort Ethie. Within five minutes Lizzy was asleep and Ethie was so excited to have Ms. Nicole cuddled up next to him.

He wanted to talk to me and tell me all about his day (he can't really talk but he can make noises and smile really big and grab my hand) and so I listened and laughed and smiled. And finally I told him that Ms. Nicole would sleep with him but he had to go to sleep. So I asked him if I could sing him a song and he not only smiled he said "yes" which he can say in his own little way. So I sang him a lullaby that my grams used to sing to me. He loved it....and he loved getting his tummy rubbed. I gave him cheek kisses and he smiled so big it made me almost start crying while I was singing to him.

I had to choke back tears of joy and love while I was singing.

After 20 minutes I finally was able to sing him to sleep and able to sneak out.

When I went downstairs I was comforted. I still am feeling very emotional and confused in my heart due to the things that made this past 24 hours so emotional. But in it all there is something of joy that I can carry with me.

I have made a positive impact on Ethie's much of an impact that Annie said I was one of his favorite people. For me coming over to be the thing that brought him the most excitement and happiness that day completely melted my heart. I AM loved and making a difference by loving others :-) For me to see his beautiful smile when I simply walk in the room is wonderful. To see him SO excited when I cuddled up next to him and to watch him giggle when I kissed his cheeks is what makes any moment of pain worth those few moments of complete happiness that I have brought to someone else.

It's amazing. Ethie was my little ray of sunshine today. And I'm glad I could be a ray of sunshine in his life as well. There are few boys in my heart that truly have a piece of it and he is one of them.

Thank God for those little blessings.

cheek kisses for Ethie :-)

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