I haven't written lately......mainly because emotions have been so intense in my heart that I don't know how to properly put them into words.
And as well, I've been distracting myself. I'm too afraid to sit still very long with my mind and heart all alone. So this week I've successfully distracted myself with 44 hours of working and babysitting. Not healthy I'm sure but I'm not quite sure how else to cope.
Right now I feel at a loss. I have the whole world in front of me, I'm taking those first steps, I'm taking them alone and it's scary. I'm not quite sure of my purpose at this exact moment. I'm aware my purpose is to live my life fully, to love others passionately and to glorify my God through it all. However, I'm finding that the more and more I WANT people and NEED people around, the less people there are within immediate vicinity to distract me and temporarily take my mind off things. I'm thinking God is teaching me in this. Patience maybe?!
I don't want this to be taken negatively. I just find myself waiting in trepidation of the future. It's scary going at it alone. I have so many people around me, yet only one person can figure out my life and my future, and that's me. What a scary thought. I can help anyone else out but myself. Whoda thunk it?!