So I decided, after finding this little movie maker thing on my mac, to do a little video blog because I've never done it and I didn't know how weird it would be...?! Still not quite sure about it. Very weird to simply be talking to my computer and rambling on but oh well! Just thought I'd pop in and "visually" say hi, and ramble a bit, like I'm good at. Enjoy the newest addition to my blogging repertoire :-)
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Monday, September 05, 2011
Who Are You?
I heard this question on a documentary I was watching the other night...who are you? What makes you uniquely you?
I'ven been wondering that a lot lately. I haven't really figured out how to say some of the things I know about myself. Most of that stemming to the fact that I often think in vividly-colored pictures/scenes and emotions/feelings. I don't think very much in words. I feel/see something that then have to make myself come up with words to put to it, sometimes very hard to do with my limited vocabulary. And I express so much better when "writing", whether by hand or via keyboard.
I think I'm still very much on that path of self-discovery, and have been for quite some time. I have some things that are just inherently me...loose definitions. I'm Nicole. I'm fun, positive, spunky, bright, optimistic, emotional, strong-willed, fiercely independent, God-fearing, lively, adventurous, a smartass, joking, singing, funky, caring, passionate, lover of life! But who am I?! I'm just me...lover of comfortable jeans and flip-flops, lover of God, lover of nature, hater of negativity, lover of adventure, crazy, wacky. I'm OCD, and slightly neurotic. I worry more than I ever let people know. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I really care! I long to find some place that I can finally fit in and not always be the oddball. I do want to be loved but don't seek it out as I don't think I deserve it. I underestimate myself quite a bit yet have a strong confidence in myself because I have to. I thrive in relationship with others, as I'm crazy social, yet somehow still a slightly natural introvert. I have a hard time applying a filter to my mouth (wearing the heart on the sleeve thing sorta gets in the way). I'm a great listener and I talk a lot. I love learning and am quite intelligent. I can't sit still to save my life, yet do a lot of the things I want to do. I'm a huge procrastinator yet very skilled at multi-tasking and quite efficient when I want to be. I can organize like no one's business. I am ridiculously observative of human behavior yet gullible and completely unaware of the fullness of my surroundings a good grip of the time. I am innocently naive of some parts of life, sometimes by choice and sometimes by lack of experience. I try to remain judge-free and open to everything and everyone (yes I fail sometimes). Yet I am very knowledgeable and understanding. I'm multi-faceted. I'm describable yet indescribable, and that's the way I like it. I'm complexly simple. I have a very wild heart, but one that's open to everyone in my life. I'm way too trusting and because of it am always very vulnerable (add in very loving and it's sometimes disasterous).
Again though, is that all that I am?! Certainly not. There's so much to me, that I can't even think of all that I am.
My brain never shuts off!! Quite literally.
And what makes me uniquely me?! There are other people out there that fit all of the above. I'm not the only one. So what makes me unique?! I guess you'd just have to get to know me to decide what it is that makes me unique....
But I'm constantly evolving. A few years ago I was me but I was a different version of me. Every day, every new event, is an opportunity to learn and grow. And because of that I'm constantly evolving. I'm constantly learning new things about myself and being challenged, pushed, questioned, and made to think outside of my comfort zone.
I would never have imagined in high school that I would be the woman I am today. I'm not surprised as I'm too damn bull-headed to let anything get in my way or get me down too terribly long...but I would never have thought I'd have the tenacity or gumption to do and say some of the things I do now. I wouldn't have thought I'd have learned to be social and how to have so much courage. Part of it is always having been dependent upon myself to get me where I'm going but it's pushed me through "growing pains" I wasn't quite sure how to get out of...still don't know how to get out of some of those times. But I just keep going and learning and growing!!
My life's to-do list has changed, my bucket list has expanded, and my goals/dreams have been altered slightly. They always will continue to evolve. As I grow and learn and experience, those things will become part of me, memories, lessons learned, wisdom gained, failures I've gotten up from, and successes that I've flown on.
Right now?! I'm the girl who's anxiously and excitedly headed to nursing school in a few months with dreams as vast as the sky about the opportunities that lay afterwards. Yet I'm still the girl who dreams of traveling the country in a wooden Jeep Grand Wagoneer, camera in tow, and maybe a cute loving man by my side (or the companionship of a dog, who knows). I still dream of traveling the world and falling in love with foreign lands, yet coming home to the wonderful state of Colorado and marveling in her beauty. I'm still the girl who never discredits that life can change in an instant and God's plans are greater than mine. I'll always fight "growing up" and "getting old"....age is just a number and growing up is for people who take life more seriously than they should. I'll always be too responsible yet balanced by the wild carefree side of me that continually says "fuck it" and does that crazy thing that leaves you scratching you head thinking "whelp, that was interesting".
Realistically I have no idea what the future holds and I don't want to plan it. I've always had some goal in mind but never a plan...my plans never work out anyway. I just want to be happy, I want to be me, and I want to constantly experience and take joy in life.
That's what we're here for. Joy, happiness, experiencing the beauty of God, and to help others/leave this world a little bit better than we found it. At least that's what I think.
For now I'm going to enjoy the relationships that are in my life, the opportunities I get and I'm going to make each day as joyful as possible. If I make others smile, I've done my job well.
Simply striving to live a beautiful life, passionately. That's who I am. That's all I've got figured out for now. But that's more than I had figured out even a couple years ago....
I'ven been wondering that a lot lately. I haven't really figured out how to say some of the things I know about myself. Most of that stemming to the fact that I often think in vividly-colored pictures/scenes and emotions/feelings. I don't think very much in words. I feel/see something that then have to make myself come up with words to put to it, sometimes very hard to do with my limited vocabulary. And I express so much better when "writing", whether by hand or via keyboard.
I think I'm still very much on that path of self-discovery, and have been for quite some time. I have some things that are just inherently me...loose definitions. I'm Nicole. I'm fun, positive, spunky, bright, optimistic, emotional, strong-willed, fiercely independent, God-fearing, lively, adventurous, a smartass, joking, singing, funky, caring, passionate, lover of life! But who am I?! I'm just me...lover of comfortable jeans and flip-flops, lover of God, lover of nature, hater of negativity, lover of adventure, crazy, wacky. I'm OCD, and slightly neurotic. I worry more than I ever let people know. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I really care! I long to find some place that I can finally fit in and not always be the oddball. I do want to be loved but don't seek it out as I don't think I deserve it. I underestimate myself quite a bit yet have a strong confidence in myself because I have to. I thrive in relationship with others, as I'm crazy social, yet somehow still a slightly natural introvert. I have a hard time applying a filter to my mouth (wearing the heart on the sleeve thing sorta gets in the way). I'm a great listener and I talk a lot. I love learning and am quite intelligent. I can't sit still to save my life, yet do a lot of the things I want to do. I'm a huge procrastinator yet very skilled at multi-tasking and quite efficient when I want to be. I can organize like no one's business. I am ridiculously observative of human behavior yet gullible and completely unaware of the fullness of my surroundings a good grip of the time. I am innocently naive of some parts of life, sometimes by choice and sometimes by lack of experience. I try to remain judge-free and open to everything and everyone (yes I fail sometimes). Yet I am very knowledgeable and understanding. I'm multi-faceted. I'm describable yet indescribable, and that's the way I like it. I'm complexly simple. I have a very wild heart, but one that's open to everyone in my life. I'm way too trusting and because of it am always very vulnerable (add in very loving and it's sometimes disasterous).
Again though, is that all that I am?! Certainly not. There's so much to me, that I can't even think of all that I am.
My brain never shuts off!! Quite literally.
And what makes me uniquely me?! There are other people out there that fit all of the above. I'm not the only one. So what makes me unique?! I guess you'd just have to get to know me to decide what it is that makes me unique....
But I'm constantly evolving. A few years ago I was me but I was a different version of me. Every day, every new event, is an opportunity to learn and grow. And because of that I'm constantly evolving. I'm constantly learning new things about myself and being challenged, pushed, questioned, and made to think outside of my comfort zone.
I would never have imagined in high school that I would be the woman I am today. I'm not surprised as I'm too damn bull-headed to let anything get in my way or get me down too terribly long...but I would never have thought I'd have the tenacity or gumption to do and say some of the things I do now. I wouldn't have thought I'd have learned to be social and how to have so much courage. Part of it is always having been dependent upon myself to get me where I'm going but it's pushed me through "growing pains" I wasn't quite sure how to get out of...still don't know how to get out of some of those times. But I just keep going and learning and growing!!
My life's to-do list has changed, my bucket list has expanded, and my goals/dreams have been altered slightly. They always will continue to evolve. As I grow and learn and experience, those things will become part of me, memories, lessons learned, wisdom gained, failures I've gotten up from, and successes that I've flown on.
Right now?! I'm the girl who's anxiously and excitedly headed to nursing school in a few months with dreams as vast as the sky about the opportunities that lay afterwards. Yet I'm still the girl who dreams of traveling the country in a wooden Jeep Grand Wagoneer, camera in tow, and maybe a cute loving man by my side (or the companionship of a dog, who knows). I still dream of traveling the world and falling in love with foreign lands, yet coming home to the wonderful state of Colorado and marveling in her beauty. I'm still the girl who never discredits that life can change in an instant and God's plans are greater than mine. I'll always fight "growing up" and "getting old"....age is just a number and growing up is for people who take life more seriously than they should. I'll always be too responsible yet balanced by the wild carefree side of me that continually says "fuck it" and does that crazy thing that leaves you scratching you head thinking "whelp, that was interesting".
Realistically I have no idea what the future holds and I don't want to plan it. I've always had some goal in mind but never a plan...my plans never work out anyway. I just want to be happy, I want to be me, and I want to constantly experience and take joy in life.
That's what we're here for. Joy, happiness, experiencing the beauty of God, and to help others/leave this world a little bit better than we found it. At least that's what I think.
For now I'm going to enjoy the relationships that are in my life, the opportunities I get and I'm going to make each day as joyful as possible. If I make others smile, I've done my job well.
Simply striving to live a beautiful life, passionately. That's who I am. That's all I've got figured out for now. But that's more than I had figured out even a couple years ago....
Wild Hearts, Blue Jeans, & White T-shirts
"And I'll love you forever if I ever love at all, with wild hearts, blue jeans and white t-shirts..."
[The Gaslight Anthem]
I discovered the wonders of this band called The Gaslight Anthem this past week...a New Jersey punk rock band. Wow, amazing. I totally recommend them! I don't know how I've never discovered them before now but their music has just wrapped up my soul this past week.
I also listened to an EP I was given about a year ago by a friend. It's a group by a band called The Black Keys. I've loved listening to the sound of punk rock and classic rock lately. I think it's just sort of reminding me to be free, to be young, to be passionate, to be careless and responsible, to take joy, and to love that I'm the strong-emotion-feeling vibrant young woman that I am.
Yesterday I spent the day with two of my good friends, meeting up for coffee at one of my favorite haunts right now in Denver, Paris on the Platte. I've become an avid coffee-shop-goer. again..well always have been but now that I live in Denver 2/3's of the week I can actually partake in my love of LOCAL coffee shops. I refuse to support Starbucks if at all avoidable, especially because it's a nationwide money-guzzling cookie-cutter corporation and doesn't have the raw, genuine, come-as-you-are atmosphere of local coffee shops. Call me hipster or granola. I'd rather support those around me, those who are themselves, and the thriving atmosphere of a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop than a giant corporation who sucks us into some sort of definition of what it means to be a coffee drinker. I love seeing the people who come in and out of local coffee shops, the flaming and uninhibited personalities, as opposed to the stuffy image-driven people who haunt Starbucks, Caribou Coffee, and Dazbog. Not to mention, I love when the person behind the counter at Starry Night accidentally scorches my soy latte or the gentleman at Wild Boar recommends his favorite concoction of chai and doesn't charge me extra for the mixture of three different chais...and then proceeds to make a beautiful art picture in my foam! I just love the feel of something unique and genuine.
We met up, had some coffee (and I divulged in a delicious bagel and Noosa yogurt) for breakfast and then headed to go wander through Taste of Colorado. It was fun to frolick and admire some of the workmanship of vendors in Colorado and different things they make/create. Once done we headed to go walk the 16th Street Mall, in search of something to drink. We happened into Starbucks so they could get some iced teas (I simply got a cup of free water) and then sat down to people watch. One of my all-time favorite pastimes!! We somehow got onto the conversation of how we define each other. Sheree is the dramatic party rock girl. Britt is the typical girl-next-door, minus her sexual prowess. And me, well I don't know how to describe myself. I asked them what I was...and after a few seconds I was defined as the "happy, free and wild spirited, traveling, adventurous, laughing, care-free, slightly hippy girl".
I'll take it!!
I posted the above song lyric as my facebook status (because I refuse to actually post where I'm at, what I'm doing, or anything revolving drama, feelings, etc as a status...I just stick to uplifting quotes, random song lyrics, or occasional happy big-life updates), and Britt's response "I love this. It's so you :-)".
I think it is so me. I love people, I love life. I love love. I love wearing my comfy jeans, being laid-back. I don't ever want to strictly fit into a mold. I love being happy and making life more positive and fun for others. And I have a wild, adventurous heart. I don't wish to ever change that! Rather find someone who's just the same who wants to experience life alongside of me.
Hmmm....let's see what God has in store for life in the next few months...and where I'm at emotionally, mentally, physically, etc....
Until then, I'll get back to listening to wonderful music, drinking my chai, diving into the world of bioethics, reading NPR.org, and dreaming of the days that I can frolick this earth experiencing all the wonderful people and places in it :-)
[The Gaslight Anthem]
I discovered the wonders of this band called The Gaslight Anthem this past week...a New Jersey punk rock band. Wow, amazing. I totally recommend them! I don't know how I've never discovered them before now but their music has just wrapped up my soul this past week.
I also listened to an EP I was given about a year ago by a friend. It's a group by a band called The Black Keys. I've loved listening to the sound of punk rock and classic rock lately. I think it's just sort of reminding me to be free, to be young, to be passionate, to be careless and responsible, to take joy, and to love that I'm the strong-emotion-feeling vibrant young woman that I am.
Yesterday I spent the day with two of my good friends, meeting up for coffee at one of my favorite haunts right now in Denver, Paris on the Platte. I've become an avid coffee-shop-goer. again..well always have been but now that I live in Denver 2/3's of the week I can actually partake in my love of LOCAL coffee shops. I refuse to support Starbucks if at all avoidable, especially because it's a nationwide money-guzzling cookie-cutter corporation and doesn't have the raw, genuine, come-as-you-are atmosphere of local coffee shops. Call me hipster or granola. I'd rather support those around me, those who are themselves, and the thriving atmosphere of a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop than a giant corporation who sucks us into some sort of definition of what it means to be a coffee drinker. I love seeing the people who come in and out of local coffee shops, the flaming and uninhibited personalities, as opposed to the stuffy image-driven people who haunt Starbucks, Caribou Coffee, and Dazbog. Not to mention, I love when the person behind the counter at Starry Night accidentally scorches my soy latte or the gentleman at Wild Boar recommends his favorite concoction of chai and doesn't charge me extra for the mixture of three different chais...and then proceeds to make a beautiful art picture in my foam! I just love the feel of something unique and genuine.
We met up, had some coffee (and I divulged in a delicious bagel and Noosa yogurt) for breakfast and then headed to go wander through Taste of Colorado. It was fun to frolick and admire some of the workmanship of vendors in Colorado and different things they make/create. Once done we headed to go walk the 16th Street Mall, in search of something to drink. We happened into Starbucks so they could get some iced teas (I simply got a cup of free water) and then sat down to people watch. One of my all-time favorite pastimes!! We somehow got onto the conversation of how we define each other. Sheree is the dramatic party rock girl. Britt is the typical girl-next-door, minus her sexual prowess. And me, well I don't know how to describe myself. I asked them what I was...and after a few seconds I was defined as the "happy, free and wild spirited, traveling, adventurous, laughing, care-free, slightly hippy girl".
I'll take it!!
I posted the above song lyric as my facebook status (because I refuse to actually post where I'm at, what I'm doing, or anything revolving drama, feelings, etc as a status...I just stick to uplifting quotes, random song lyrics, or occasional happy big-life updates), and Britt's response "I love this. It's so you :-)".
I think it is so me. I love people, I love life. I love love. I love wearing my comfy jeans, being laid-back. I don't ever want to strictly fit into a mold. I love being happy and making life more positive and fun for others. And I have a wild, adventurous heart. I don't wish to ever change that! Rather find someone who's just the same who wants to experience life alongside of me.
Hmmm....let's see what God has in store for life in the next few months...and where I'm at emotionally, mentally, physically, etc....
Until then, I'll get back to listening to wonderful music, drinking my chai, diving into the world of bioethics, reading NPR.org, and dreaming of the days that I can frolick this earth experiencing all the wonderful people and places in it :-)
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Fall Already?!?!
Fall is already upon us and I can't believe it...where did the summer go?!?!
For various reasons I haven't been able to even relish in summer this year. Between work (thank you Lord for my job, really!!), homework (I took my two religious classes - prereqs for Regis' accelerated program), and taking care of miniGrams, I didn't have a chance to relish in my summer. In fact, I only spent two hours by the pool...so weird for me in summer time. I didn't get to spend time outside until the past couple weeks and get a tan, instead I am only one shade darker than my normal white self. And I didn't get to go do most of the things I planned.
I got to go to Portland, which I am SO thankful I got to go!! I needed the time off and enjoyed my time off. But I didn't get to spend time outside, didn't get to go on my hikes, didn't get to hike any 14ers, and didn't get to go to the lake. Sad day. But the Lord had other plans.
And it all paid off, in a way. I got into Regis!!
Now I'm left wondering where the summer went?!?!
Almost upon us is the time of pumpkin spice lattes (oh HELLS yeah to that one!), crunchy leaves, the colors of fall, and eventually some snow. I almost resent snow already being so close upon us. But it's my goal this winter, before the chaos of nursing school, to get on that damn snowboard and hit the mountains!! Even if only once!!
Nursing school will be my life starting Jan 9th so I'm sort of planning all of my "living" for before then as I won't be able to even think for quite awhile once I start school. Eleven-and-a-half months of pure chaos and hardwork are about to ensue.
I'm excited, anxious, nervous, scared, relieved, stressed, and unbearably enthralled for this!!
So with that, here is a list of things I hope to cram into the next four months!!
1. Go camping once
2. Go snowboarding (at least once)
3.Visit the art museum (again)
4.Nail down where all the local coffee shops are
5.Figure out the best bookstores to study in
6.Find a way to pay for nursing school
7. Ride my bike as much as possible (and find a place to live in Denver)
8.Spend the holidays with all of my family (as I won't get to really see anyone next year with the exception of 3 weeks) *won't happen, I got assigned to all the holidays*
9.Go for a hike on one of my days off
10.Create a goal list for the year after nursing school
11. Start scoping out hospitals to work at
12. Plan a trip back to Portland for 2012
13.Enjoy as many lattes as possible.
14.Invest in a hardy coffee pot
15.Enjoy every lazy morning that I get the chance to sleep in and NOT feel guilty
I'm wondering if I can actually get everything on this list accomplished. I DO have four months but really, four months flies by SOO fast!!
Relishing in the last days of summer....
For various reasons I haven't been able to even relish in summer this year. Between work (thank you Lord for my job, really!!), homework (I took my two religious classes - prereqs for Regis' accelerated program), and taking care of miniGrams, I didn't have a chance to relish in my summer. In fact, I only spent two hours by the pool...so weird for me in summer time. I didn't get to spend time outside until the past couple weeks and get a tan, instead I am only one shade darker than my normal white self. And I didn't get to go do most of the things I planned.
I got to go to Portland, which I am SO thankful I got to go!! I needed the time off and enjoyed my time off. But I didn't get to spend time outside, didn't get to go on my hikes, didn't get to hike any 14ers, and didn't get to go to the lake. Sad day. But the Lord had other plans.
And it all paid off, in a way. I got into Regis!!
Now I'm left wondering where the summer went?!?!
Almost upon us is the time of pumpkin spice lattes (oh HELLS yeah to that one!), crunchy leaves, the colors of fall, and eventually some snow. I almost resent snow already being so close upon us. But it's my goal this winter, before the chaos of nursing school, to get on that damn snowboard and hit the mountains!! Even if only once!!
Nursing school will be my life starting Jan 9th so I'm sort of planning all of my "living" for before then as I won't be able to even think for quite awhile once I start school. Eleven-and-a-half months of pure chaos and hardwork are about to ensue.
I'm excited, anxious, nervous, scared, relieved, stressed, and unbearably enthralled for this!!
So with that, here is a list of things I hope to cram into the next four months!!
1. Go camping once
2. Go snowboarding (at least once)
3.
4.
5.
6.
7. Ride my bike as much as possible (a
8.
9.
10.
11. Start scoping out hospitals to work at
12. Plan a trip back to Portland for 2012
13.
14.
15.
I'm wondering if I can actually get everything on this list accomplished. I DO have four months but really, four months flies by SOO fast!!
Relishing in the last days of summer....
Saturday, August 27, 2011
REGIS!
There's times when I'm so excited I can't hold it in and my smile goes from ear to ear and I can't sit still to save my life, there's times I'm so excited I cry, there's times I'm so excited I giggle and giggle and giggle....and then there's times where I'm so excited I really just don't know what to do.
The latest would be me!!
I spent Sunday evening in Colorado Springs having dinner with two of my dearest friends, former roomies Erin and Rene. An evening spent sipping Sangrias and having delicious greek cuisine on the porch of Jake & Telly's followed by guzzling 36 oz of New Belgium brew, talking and singing Irish tunes at The Golden Bee. I expertly surfed Rene's majesticly comfortable couch and was awoken by Rene's friendly face, informing me yoga was in 45 minutes. Up I got, brushed my teeth, threw on trusty spandex pants and a comfy shirt and off to yoga we went.
Amazing morning spent doing an hour-and-a-half of relaxing yoga, in which the instructor concentrated on celebrating our bodies how God made them and respecting where our bodies were at this point in our life. Our body is beautiful...God made it that way! No matter what it can't and can't do. Such a great reminder.
After such peace, I wondered with Rene while she searched apartments and finally home to get a blissful hot shower. Upon stepping out of the shower I saw that my cellie was blinking green (indicating I had an unread email). Of course standing dripping in my towel I looked to see what random advertisement email I had gotten this time...
Only this time it was an electronic correspondance from Regis, congratulating me on my admittance into Regis' accelerated program!!
FINALLY!!
I got in :-) Finally, I was good enough to be admitted into nursing school. Somehow between my paper and my interview, I showed Regis I was a good enough candidate!!
Now I have to live up to that. The intensity and craziness of the program is going to be SO chaotic...but isn't all of life?! Wow, Jan 9th is fast approaching and I have to get financials and housing taken care of...just some of the preparation for 11.5 months of nursing school whirlwind.
Can I survive?! You betcha!!
So excited I don't know what to do. It still hasn't sank in yet.
YIKES!!!
The latest would be me!!
I spent Sunday evening in Colorado Springs having dinner with two of my dearest friends, former roomies Erin and Rene. An evening spent sipping Sangrias and having delicious greek cuisine on the porch of Jake & Telly's followed by guzzling 36 oz of New Belgium brew, talking and singing Irish tunes at The Golden Bee. I expertly surfed Rene's majesticly comfortable couch and was awoken by Rene's friendly face, informing me yoga was in 45 minutes. Up I got, brushed my teeth, threw on trusty spandex pants and a comfy shirt and off to yoga we went.
Amazing morning spent doing an hour-and-a-half of relaxing yoga, in which the instructor concentrated on celebrating our bodies how God made them and respecting where our bodies were at this point in our life. Our body is beautiful...God made it that way! No matter what it can't and can't do. Such a great reminder.
After such peace, I wondered with Rene while she searched apartments and finally home to get a blissful hot shower. Upon stepping out of the shower I saw that my cellie was blinking green (indicating I had an unread email). Of course standing dripping in my towel I looked to see what random advertisement email I had gotten this time...
Only this time it was an electronic correspondance from Regis, congratulating me on my admittance into Regis' accelerated program!!
FINALLY!!
I got in :-) Finally, I was good enough to be admitted into nursing school. Somehow between my paper and my interview, I showed Regis I was a good enough candidate!!
Now I have to live up to that. The intensity and craziness of the program is going to be SO chaotic...but isn't all of life?! Wow, Jan 9th is fast approaching and I have to get financials and housing taken care of...just some of the preparation for 11.5 months of nursing school whirlwind.
Can I survive?! You betcha!!
So excited I don't know what to do. It still hasn't sank in yet.
YIKES!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Portland --> Whirlwind
There's times when I'm so excited I can't hold it in and my smile goes from ear to ear and I can't sit still to save my life, there's times I'm so excited I cry, there's times I'm so excited I giggle and giggle and giggle....and then there's times where I'm so excited I really just don't know what to do.
The latest would be me!!
I spent Sunday evening in Colorado Springs having dinner with two of my dearest friends, former roomies Erin and Rene. An evening spent sipping Sangrias and having delicious greek cuisine on the porch of Jake & Telly's followed by guzzling 36 oz of New Belgium brew, talking and singing Irish tunes at The Golden Bee. I expertly surfed Rene's majesticly comfortable couch and was awoken by Rene's friendly face, informing me yoga was in 45 minutes. Up I got, brushed my teeth, threw on trusty spandex pants and a comfy shirt and off to yoga we went.
Amazing morning spent doing an hour-and-a-half of relaxing yoga, in which the instructor concentrated on celebrating our bodies how God made them and respecting where our bodies were at this point in our life. Our body is beautiful...God made it that way! No matter what it can't and can't do. Such a great reminder.
After such peace, I wondered with Rene while she searched apartments and finally home to get a blissful hot shower. Upon stepping out of the shower I saw that my cellie was blinking green (indicating I had an unread email). Of course standing dripping in my towel I looked to see what random advertisement email I had gotten this time...
Only this time it was an electronic correspondance from Regis, congratulating me on my admittance into Regis' accelerated program!!
FINALLY!!
I got in :-) Finally, I was good enough to be admitted into nursing school. Somehow between my paper and my interview, I showed Regis I was a good enough candidate!!
Now I have to live up to that. The intensity and craziness of the program is going to be SO chaotic...but isn't all of life?! Wow, Jan 9th is fast approaching and I have to get financials and housing taken care of...just some of the preparation for 11.5 months of nursing school whirlwind.
Can I survive?! You betcha!!
So excited I don't know what to do. It still hasn't sank in yet.
YIKES!!!
The latest would be me!!
I spent Sunday evening in Colorado Springs having dinner with two of my dearest friends, former roomies Erin and Rene. An evening spent sipping Sangrias and having delicious greek cuisine on the porch of Jake & Telly's followed by guzzling 36 oz of New Belgium brew, talking and singing Irish tunes at The Golden Bee. I expertly surfed Rene's majesticly comfortable couch and was awoken by Rene's friendly face, informing me yoga was in 45 minutes. Up I got, brushed my teeth, threw on trusty spandex pants and a comfy shirt and off to yoga we went.
Amazing morning spent doing an hour-and-a-half of relaxing yoga, in which the instructor concentrated on celebrating our bodies how God made them and respecting where our bodies were at this point in our life. Our body is beautiful...God made it that way! No matter what it can't and can't do. Such a great reminder.
After such peace, I wondered with Rene while she searched apartments and finally home to get a blissful hot shower. Upon stepping out of the shower I saw that my cellie was blinking green (indicating I had an unread email). Of course standing dripping in my towel I looked to see what random advertisement email I had gotten this time...
Only this time it was an electronic correspondance from Regis, congratulating me on my admittance into Regis' accelerated program!!
FINALLY!!
I got in :-) Finally, I was good enough to be admitted into nursing school. Somehow between my paper and my interview, I showed Regis I was a good enough candidate!!
Now I have to live up to that. The intensity and craziness of the program is going to be SO chaotic...but isn't all of life?! Wow, Jan 9th is fast approaching and I have to get financials and housing taken care of...just some of the preparation for 11.5 months of nursing school whirlwind.
Can I survive?! You betcha!!
So excited I don't know what to do. It still hasn't sank in yet.
YIKES!!!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
On the brink...
Almost three crazy weeks of working straight through, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
PORTLAND!
In T-minus 2 days :-)
It's hard to verbally explain the importance of this trip...but it is important, and symbolic.
For the first time, I am traveling somewhere I said I wanted to go. Instead of just saying, I am doing. Throwing caution to the wind. I have no plans, no map, and absolutely no idea what it is I will actually do with myself.
Granted I will be surfing my cousin's couch, but I will be in a new city...representing the gateway to this vast yet small world that I am so desperate to explore...all by myself, with only me to pave my way and go frolik as I see fit.
It's only 6 days, but it's six days of something completely new.
That seems to be a theme in my life and I'm loving it!
I'm on the brink of something wonderful, and beautiful, and spiritual.
I am back, and I am doing and going, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
Never before has the fear of failure ever been so prevalent, in so many ways. But isn't that the beauty of life?! That despite stakes being high and the fear being legitimate that something wonderful and blessed might just be what awaits us?! Part of the inherent beauty of life is the risk-taking. And here I am, walking to the ledge in so many ways, still fearfully looking down at how far I could fall...but then I lift my head up and see how majestic the view is and it's totally worth it!!
Live a beautiful life, passionately....in whatever way that means to you.
Portland, I can't wait to explore you, and see what new things you awaken in my soul...and I can't wait to see what I bring back. An eye-opener is in store, more dreams will be rekindled and new dreams will be born.
Did I also mention my passion for love is coming back. So amusing how I shut off all of love last year. But love is what life is about...all forms, shapes and sizes of love are essential. And it feels SO good to love again. And it feels SO refreshing to be IN LOVE with life again. How did I lose that?! That doesn't matter...it's back, and I'm grateful for it.
PORTLAND!
In T-minus 2 days :-)
It's hard to verbally explain the importance of this trip...but it is important, and symbolic.
For the first time, I am traveling somewhere I said I wanted to go. Instead of just saying, I am doing. Throwing caution to the wind. I have no plans, no map, and absolutely no idea what it is I will actually do with myself.
Granted I will be surfing my cousin's couch, but I will be in a new city...representing the gateway to this vast yet small world that I am so desperate to explore...all by myself, with only me to pave my way and go frolik as I see fit.
It's only 6 days, but it's six days of something completely new.
That seems to be a theme in my life and I'm loving it!
I'm on the brink of something wonderful, and beautiful, and spiritual.
I am back, and I am doing and going, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
Never before has the fear of failure ever been so prevalent, in so many ways. But isn't that the beauty of life?! That despite stakes being high and the fear being legitimate that something wonderful and blessed might just be what awaits us?! Part of the inherent beauty of life is the risk-taking. And here I am, walking to the ledge in so many ways, still fearfully looking down at how far I could fall...but then I lift my head up and see how majestic the view is and it's totally worth it!!
Live a beautiful life, passionately....in whatever way that means to you.
Portland, I can't wait to explore you, and see what new things you awaken in my soul...and I can't wait to see what I bring back. An eye-opener is in store, more dreams will be rekindled and new dreams will be born.
Did I also mention my passion for love is coming back. So amusing how I shut off all of love last year. But love is what life is about...all forms, shapes and sizes of love are essential. And it feels SO good to love again. And it feels SO refreshing to be IN LOVE with life again. How did I lose that?! That doesn't matter...it's back, and I'm grateful for it.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Hand-Picked Flower and Some Java
I sit here this morning listening to the sound of birds come through my window. The sounds of summer are full in bloom, the sun in out and shining, a slight breeze ruffles the leaves of the trees. I'm not outside, rather being lazy inside working on my online courses and keeping an eye on grams.
I look back at the past three months of my life and it's crazy. It's been consumed by a new job, learning new things every day, meeting tons of new people, grams now going through medical turbulence, online courses, and relearning how to dream. My cheery attitude is back in full swing, I am laughing from the depths of my belly again, and my excitement at life is taking over. I can't believe just how much can change in three short months!
My dreams of traveling have been re-awakened and encouraged. And I'm doing it! Portland is so close I can taste it. Hopes of San Francisco and Sacramento are on the horizon for the next few months. No maps, no plans, just traveling if I can get the time to do it!
There's also a guy, who re-awakened that. I wouldn't have thought I would even be considering taking someone's hand and saying "lets try walking through life together". Here I sit, and I am, and I'm happy, and I'm excited, and I'm content.
As he said "You know it is a very moment in life when a person can be exactly who they are and not feel the need to hide or subdue portions of their personality. It's nice that I don't feel the need to hide with you :-)"
Who knows what the future will bring, who knows where my feet will go, and who knows how long I can slide my hand into his with him by my side....but it doesn't matter, it only matters that right now I'm exactly where I feel content and myself.
I want to travel and go on adventures, and I'm very much excited at the prospect of doing it with him by my side. But one step at a time.
Stolen kisses in elevators, cups of java, and hand-picked flowers. Life is good. :-)
I look back at the past three months of my life and it's crazy. It's been consumed by a new job, learning new things every day, meeting tons of new people, grams now going through medical turbulence, online courses, and relearning how to dream. My cheery attitude is back in full swing, I am laughing from the depths of my belly again, and my excitement at life is taking over. I can't believe just how much can change in three short months!
My dreams of traveling have been re-awakened and encouraged. And I'm doing it! Portland is so close I can taste it. Hopes of San Francisco and Sacramento are on the horizon for the next few months. No maps, no plans, just traveling if I can get the time to do it!
There's also a guy, who re-awakened that. I wouldn't have thought I would even be considering taking someone's hand and saying "lets try walking through life together". Here I sit, and I am, and I'm happy, and I'm excited, and I'm content.
As he said "You know it is a very moment in life when a person can be exactly who they are and not feel the need to hide or subdue portions of their personality. It's nice that I don't feel the need to hide with you :-)"
Who knows what the future will bring, who knows where my feet will go, and who knows how long I can slide my hand into his with him by my side....but it doesn't matter, it only matters that right now I'm exactly where I feel content and myself.
I want to travel and go on adventures, and I'm very much excited at the prospect of doing it with him by my side. But one step at a time.
Stolen kisses in elevators, cups of java, and hand-picked flowers. Life is good. :-)
Up & Down The Hallways
One aspect of life: work. I'm such a lucky gal to love my job.
I'm a lucky gal period. But life is so blessed when you love your job. I'm lucky to have loved all my jobs really. But I do love my current job. And I love where I am. There's a lot to be said because that hasn't always been the case. And maybe it won't always be the case. For now, it is and I'm reveling in it.
Work isn't easy, but it's fun! My co-workers on every floor that I've worked on have been great, I've had lots of laughs and I'm getting to know more and more people.
While I don't personally think that I'm doing a fantastic job all the time, I seem to be doing something right. All the managers on the floor seem to like me and want to keep me or have me come up and float to their floors. I gotta be doing something right. Or maybe I do everything wrong but do it with a smile on my face :-)
I just spent 3 days running up and down the hallways of 9A at Denver Health. I had my own patients, I ran in circles some days but it was wonderful. I learn something new every day, something not-so-pleasant happens every day, I get to laugh with patients and co-workers every day, I walk a million miles every day, and I leave at the end of the day feeling somewhat accomplished. Not always that I've done everything I could but that I accomplished something! It's a great feeling. Even on the worst days.
I got my two first heart felt "Thank You's" this week...all for simply doing what it is that Denver Health tells me I'm supposed to do!
I'm pretty excited about what lays in front of me, if I get into nursing. Excited to see what might happen! Excited to see what the future has in store for me :-)
I'm a lucky gal period. But life is so blessed when you love your job. I'm lucky to have loved all my jobs really. But I do love my current job. And I love where I am. There's a lot to be said because that hasn't always been the case. And maybe it won't always be the case. For now, it is and I'm reveling in it.
Work isn't easy, but it's fun! My co-workers on every floor that I've worked on have been great, I've had lots of laughs and I'm getting to know more and more people.
While I don't personally think that I'm doing a fantastic job all the time, I seem to be doing something right. All the managers on the floor seem to like me and want to keep me or have me come up and float to their floors. I gotta be doing something right. Or maybe I do everything wrong but do it with a smile on my face :-)
I just spent 3 days running up and down the hallways of 9A at Denver Health. I had my own patients, I ran in circles some days but it was wonderful. I learn something new every day, something not-so-pleasant happens every day, I get to laugh with patients and co-workers every day, I walk a million miles every day, and I leave at the end of the day feeling somewhat accomplished. Not always that I've done everything I could but that I accomplished something! It's a great feeling. Even on the worst days.
I got my two first heart felt "Thank You's" this week...all for simply doing what it is that Denver Health tells me I'm supposed to do!
I'm pretty excited about what lays in front of me, if I get into nursing. Excited to see what might happen! Excited to see what the future has in store for me :-)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Now THAT'S What I Call A Day For The Books!!
Welp, you ever just have one of THOSE days?! And by those days I mean the ones where you are absolutely not winning by any means, are just so completely frazzled, yet the sun is still somehow shining out of your ass and you find yourself laughing your way through the day?!?!
Yeah?! Well that was my day!
Ok ok ok, most days are like that for me. But today was an extreme!!
I got to work expecting to be a ward clerk...because, well....because that's what my CNE (clinical nurse educator) told me I would be doing. I haven't been cross-trained as a Healthcare Tech yet (officially) and thought that was coming at a later date. But due to conflicts (basically caused by the indiscrepency in my position title and it lacking half of it as I'm the first to be fully cross-trained), it was do-or-die time.
You wanna learn?! Well jump in head first! And today I was shoved in head first...and I basically ended up belly-flopping but that's really beside the point....
So I worked the floor. I learned how to do vitals (which might I add that machine was almost the death of me today...it might be simple but it's lethal!), do the boards, do intake/output, and run in a million different directions. I learned to chart. I learned how to distribute trays, set up a room, all that jazzy shit they teach you.
BUT I learned it while learning how to ungracefully drop a tray, how to run into walls, how to run around in circles (quite literally, I mean that sincerely), how to ask a sheriff where to find shampoo, and most importantly, how to lock myself in a correctional care room.
However, I did it all with a smile on my face. For realz, laughter is the only thing that gets me through. I laugh at any and every thing. I laugh when I make mistakes, I laugh when people tell jokes, I laugh at myself, I sing, I dance, I make corny jokes, and put in ridiculous movie lines/song lyrics when necessary. And it pays off!! I had everyone in my unit in a good mood...despite my many many mistakes today. I was frazzled beyond belief but hey it's all good!!
And let's just not forget the most memorable part of my day. Well we had this new admit. We knew he'd be a "sitter" patient and that he was all sorts of coo-koo ca-choo. He came in and did not fail to deliver! He came down in 4-pt cuff restraints from the ED. After unhooking him he leaped to the other bed and next thing I know, all sorts of stuff starts happening and five sheriff's are on top of him. Apparently he started pulling out his IV, then tried to bite it, then tried to bite one of the sheriff's, then started fighting, and, like whoa!! Crazy, scary and thrilling all at once! And what was my reaction?! Oh you guessed it, I laughed.
Then I had to help insert a foley. A catheter. Into his penis. There's a first for everything. Oh and then he peed so much!! He peed 900mL in the catheter but there was so much coming out an additional 300mL came out around the catheter!! So we had to clean him up, change his bed...hmmm, what glorious fun!! And what did I do?! Sang a ridiculous song and laughed!
Doc: What's up?!
Me: the ceiling
Never gets old! Such a smartass.
But I will say, the power of please and thank you and asked nicely, so totally amazing!! The sheriff's love me because of my attitude and my joking demeanor and my corny jokes. And I think my staff all does too. I can joke with most all of them, pretty easily. Tis quite glorious!!
Welp, that was definitely a day for the books. Bet tomorrow will be too. An adventure is in store I'm sure. Which means I need some sleep to prepare for it.
Off to Never Never Land I go. Tout a'leure and sweet dreams :-)
Yeah?! Well that was my day!
Ok ok ok, most days are like that for me. But today was an extreme!!
I got to work expecting to be a ward clerk...because, well....because that's what my CNE (clinical nurse educator) told me I would be doing. I haven't been cross-trained as a Healthcare Tech yet (officially) and thought that was coming at a later date. But due to conflicts (basically caused by the indiscrepency in my position title and it lacking half of it as I'm the first to be fully cross-trained), it was do-or-die time.
You wanna learn?! Well jump in head first! And today I was shoved in head first...and I basically ended up belly-flopping but that's really beside the point....
So I worked the floor. I learned how to do vitals (which might I add that machine was almost the death of me today...it might be simple but it's lethal!), do the boards, do intake/output, and run in a million different directions. I learned to chart. I learned how to distribute trays, set up a room, all that jazzy shit they teach you.
BUT I learned it while learning how to ungracefully drop a tray, how to run into walls, how to run around in circles (quite literally, I mean that sincerely), how to ask a sheriff where to find shampoo, and most importantly, how to lock myself in a correctional care room.
However, I did it all with a smile on my face. For realz, laughter is the only thing that gets me through. I laugh at any and every thing. I laugh when I make mistakes, I laugh when people tell jokes, I laugh at myself, I sing, I dance, I make corny jokes, and put in ridiculous movie lines/song lyrics when necessary. And it pays off!! I had everyone in my unit in a good mood...despite my many many mistakes today. I was frazzled beyond belief but hey it's all good!!
And let's just not forget the most memorable part of my day. Well we had this new admit. We knew he'd be a "sitter" patient and that he was all sorts of coo-koo ca-choo. He came in and did not fail to deliver! He came down in 4-pt cuff restraints from the ED. After unhooking him he leaped to the other bed and next thing I know, all sorts of stuff starts happening and five sheriff's are on top of him. Apparently he started pulling out his IV, then tried to bite it, then tried to bite one of the sheriff's, then started fighting, and, like whoa!! Crazy, scary and thrilling all at once! And what was my reaction?! Oh you guessed it, I laughed.
Then I had to help insert a foley. A catheter. Into his penis. There's a first for everything. Oh and then he peed so much!! He peed 900mL in the catheter but there was so much coming out an additional 300mL came out around the catheter!! So we had to clean him up, change his bed...hmmm, what glorious fun!! And what did I do?! Sang a ridiculous song and laughed!
Doc: What's up?!
Me: the ceiling
Never gets old! Such a smartass.
But I will say, the power of please and thank you and asked nicely, so totally amazing!! The sheriff's love me because of my attitude and my joking demeanor and my corny jokes. And I think my staff all does too. I can joke with most all of them, pretty easily. Tis quite glorious!!
Welp, that was definitely a day for the books. Bet tomorrow will be too. An adventure is in store I'm sure. Which means I need some sleep to prepare for it.
Off to Never Never Land I go. Tout a'leure and sweet dreams :-)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
NOH8: Light Through the Darkness
We threw our second NOH8 party...this year's theme was The Light Through the Darkness. We incorporated Born This Way and the It Gets Better Project as well. Love celebrating LOVE!!
Here are a couple photos...more to come soon :-)
This first one is meant to be controversial. It's supposed to be ironic. And it's supposed to stop and make you think "Wait, aren't they supposed to be promoting love and acceptance?!" Well we are, but if this little gesture can make one go up in arms and feel offended, imagine how much our words (something that holds SO much more power and meaning) can affect how you make someone else feel...and we are so less careful about what comes out of our mouths and how those words are portrayed to others. So stop and think the next time you open your mouth!! It's also one of Dan and our's sayings "fuck it!" It's just how we feel about what others think of our own 'labels'.
Last year Dan and I didn't get a photo together, despite being the co-hosts/co-creators of this party! So this year we made sure we had one :-)
Here are a couple photos...more to come soon :-)
This first one is meant to be controversial. It's supposed to be ironic. And it's supposed to stop and make you think "Wait, aren't they supposed to be promoting love and acceptance?!" Well we are, but if this little gesture can make one go up in arms and feel offended, imagine how much our words (something that holds SO much more power and meaning) can affect how you make someone else feel...and we are so less careful about what comes out of our mouths and how those words are portrayed to others. So stop and think the next time you open your mouth!! It's also one of Dan and our's sayings "fuck it!" It's just how we feel about what others think of our own 'labels'.
Last year Dan and I didn't get a photo together, despite being the co-hosts/co-creators of this party! So this year we made sure we had one :-)
Love Love Love, Me
These past couple weeks have been CRAZY!!
Wow, so I totally forgot how demanding school can be! Either that or these online classes are abnormally demanding. I'm pretty positive it's the former more than the latter but eh, ya never know!! Either way I'm loving my classes. Well, I'm absolutely loving my Philosophy of Religion class. I love how it pushes me to think in a way I haven't been pushed for awhile. It bites at some controversial issues and I can't even tell you just how MUCH I missed those hard conversations and people pushing my beliefs and opinions. Totally flourishing in it. The other class is nothing but a bunch of Christians talking about western religions from their sheltered point of view but the readings are extraordinary! I'm loving being back in some sort of education setting, even if it is from my computer.
I submitted my nursing application (albeit, PUSHING THE LIMITS) and send for my transcripts. Now I'm sitting here figuratively biting my nails and literally watching the NursingCAS website to see if my last transcript gets in by tomorrow. Oh how I hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot. Procrastination, though art just awful and I need to get rid of you, you awful dirty habit!!
With that, I hope that in 4-6 weeks I am getting an offer to come in for an interview so I can prove myself. Fingers crossed, hardcore crossed, white-knuckling crossed almost. AH!!!
Work is great. I'm FINALLY down on my home unit, the Correcitonal Care Unit. It's scary and fun and exciting. Trying to learn how to fit in and really hoping I'm doing well. It's a small unit, a small family. I'm new to it so it's sort of like starting from square one (yet again). And in a couple weeks I will be doing my healthcare tech training! Which will also be a square one spot again. And I might have my nurse educator send me up on another floor at the end of that sometime, so I can get a taste of another floor. Which will again be scary but WOWEE!! Talk about a long time of being out of my comfort zone! So good for me though. I've enjoyed getting to know everything and being on the edge of my seat. Sometimes it's so exhausting but great character building that's for sure :-)
Grams is back in the hospital as of this morning. COPD - Liver Failure - Retaining lots of water - Hit her head - Disoriented - Hiatal Hernia - Epigastritis - Gastritis - Colon polyps - Precancerous Tumor. The list goes on and on. Grams fell down and hit her head at some point last night and didn't even recognize us this morning. Just kept trying to go potty (though she didn't have to go). So she's back in the hospital and will be admitted into a nursing home probably, because she needs 24-hour care.
I hate to say it but that's a good thing. My mom has been stressing so hardcore trying to take care of my grams, even with everyone else's help. It will be good for us to not have to worry about changing every aspect of our lives as my grams' care needs are just SO high demanding right now. Not to mention, my mom is petrified of coming home to find grams dead so it will be good for that not to even be a possibility for her right now.
Just so crazy, and so stressful.
Other than that, just trying to plan a trip to San Fran & Portland. And also trying to plan a couple 14ers!! Hopefully the first one will be at the end of June :-)
Hakuna Matata!!
[Film on the Rocks watching Footloose with one of the besties!!]
Wow, so I totally forgot how demanding school can be! Either that or these online classes are abnormally demanding. I'm pretty positive it's the former more than the latter but eh, ya never know!! Either way I'm loving my classes. Well, I'm absolutely loving my Philosophy of Religion class. I love how it pushes me to think in a way I haven't been pushed for awhile. It bites at some controversial issues and I can't even tell you just how MUCH I missed those hard conversations and people pushing my beliefs and opinions. Totally flourishing in it. The other class is nothing but a bunch of Christians talking about western religions from their sheltered point of view but the readings are extraordinary! I'm loving being back in some sort of education setting, even if it is from my computer.
I submitted my nursing application (albeit, PUSHING THE LIMITS) and send for my transcripts. Now I'm sitting here figuratively biting my nails and literally watching the NursingCAS website to see if my last transcript gets in by tomorrow. Oh how I hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot. Procrastination, though art just awful and I need to get rid of you, you awful dirty habit!!
With that, I hope that in 4-6 weeks I am getting an offer to come in for an interview so I can prove myself. Fingers crossed, hardcore crossed, white-knuckling crossed almost. AH!!!
Work is great. I'm FINALLY down on my home unit, the Correcitonal Care Unit. It's scary and fun and exciting. Trying to learn how to fit in and really hoping I'm doing well. It's a small unit, a small family. I'm new to it so it's sort of like starting from square one (yet again). And in a couple weeks I will be doing my healthcare tech training! Which will also be a square one spot again. And I might have my nurse educator send me up on another floor at the end of that sometime, so I can get a taste of another floor. Which will again be scary but WOWEE!! Talk about a long time of being out of my comfort zone! So good for me though. I've enjoyed getting to know everything and being on the edge of my seat. Sometimes it's so exhausting but great character building that's for sure :-)
Grams is back in the hospital as of this morning. COPD - Liver Failure - Retaining lots of water - Hit her head - Disoriented - Hiatal Hernia - Epigastritis - Gastritis - Colon polyps - Precancerous Tumor. The list goes on and on. Grams fell down and hit her head at some point last night and didn't even recognize us this morning. Just kept trying to go potty (though she didn't have to go). So she's back in the hospital and will be admitted into a nursing home probably, because she needs 24-hour care.
I hate to say it but that's a good thing. My mom has been stressing so hardcore trying to take care of my grams, even with everyone else's help. It will be good for us to not have to worry about changing every aspect of our lives as my grams' care needs are just SO high demanding right now. Not to mention, my mom is petrified of coming home to find grams dead so it will be good for that not to even be a possibility for her right now.
Just so crazy, and so stressful.
Other than that, just trying to plan a trip to San Fran & Portland. And also trying to plan a couple 14ers!! Hopefully the first one will be at the end of June :-)
Hakuna Matata!!
[Film on the Rocks watching Footloose with one of the besties!!]
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Love, City
I spent the day downtown today with one of my best and oldest friends.
We went and had tea at The House of Commons, which is a beautiful tea house. Then we walked around Denver, hitting up the 16th Street Mall and the People's Fair. Live Music. Sandals and sunglasses. Amazing crafts.
Was a beautiful day full of people, sun and deep breaths.
I need more of those :-)
Wish I didn't have to come back to Brighton. Wish I lived in Denver. Wish I had roommates. Wish I had more reasons to breath easy.
Wish I could be given a chance...by several people.
I wish I could get to know N*** better. I want to be opened up and blossomed. I want someone to make me laugh more. He is the kind of guy I have looked for. Calm, relaxed, joyous, fun, young at heart, loves to travel, loves life. Just want to be given a chance. Even just to be friends.
Can't wait to travel. Can't wait to see the world. Can't wait to live more!
Need to stop wishing and start living.
Ha, welcome to conversations in my head!
Great day to be alive :-) No complaints. Just sun :-)
Saturday, June 04, 2011
My goal for this summer: to get out as much as possible on my days off!!
Well between online classes and taking care of grams.
Grams has been sick, and it's been crazy...definitely stressful on the whole family having to take care of her, with her not being able to take care of herself.
My goal: one 14er per month for the next four months. Think I can make it happen?! I think I can and I think I will!!
I need to keep busy this summer, keep my body active, and keep my mind off men. Especially one that I'm getting in dangerous territory with currently. This guy could open up a world I crave...the only catch is I don't know how serious he is about ME. So should I take the chance or just keep myself closed off?! But the more I keep myself closed off will it make it harder in the long run to open myself up to someone?! Who knows. Stop overthinking things. Just because others have hurt you in the past doesn't mean he will Nicole.
I really want to live in Denver. I have the itch to move so bad. I want a place of my own. But I can't afford it. I want to be near something with things to do and people to see and places to go. Tired of the suburbs, tired of this old B-town. Ready for something more my age, more my style...but am I really?!
So many questions, so many desires!
I wanna travel. I wanna go, I wanna do, I wanna be. Why does everything rely on money and time?! Even know that I might have a little time, I don't have the money...like normal!
Mind racing...need to find an outlet for it....
Well between online classes and taking care of grams.
Grams has been sick, and it's been crazy...definitely stressful on the whole family having to take care of her, with her not being able to take care of herself.
My goal: one 14er per month for the next four months. Think I can make it happen?! I think I can and I think I will!!
I need to keep busy this summer, keep my body active, and keep my mind off men. Especially one that I'm getting in dangerous territory with currently. This guy could open up a world I crave...the only catch is I don't know how serious he is about ME. So should I take the chance or just keep myself closed off?! But the more I keep myself closed off will it make it harder in the long run to open myself up to someone?! Who knows. Stop overthinking things. Just because others have hurt you in the past doesn't mean he will Nicole.
I really want to live in Denver. I have the itch to move so bad. I want a place of my own. But I can't afford it. I want to be near something with things to do and people to see and places to go. Tired of the suburbs, tired of this old B-town. Ready for something more my age, more my style...but am I really?!
So many questions, so many desires!
I wanna travel. I wanna go, I wanna do, I wanna be. Why does everything rely on money and time?! Even know that I might have a little time, I don't have the money...like normal!
Mind racing...need to find an outlet for it....
Monday, May 30, 2011
Silver Anniversary
25 years is no easy feat in marriage...especially now-a-days with the divorce rate being higher than 50% and marriage something people do over and over.
I am proud to say that my wonderful parents have made it to this wonderful milestone!!
May 24th 1986, both my parents got married in a little church in Riverton, Wyoming, exchanging vows to support and love each other through both the good times and the bad. And that's exactly what they have done. They have faced some very hard times and some very wonderful times together. They have stood together and fought their was through raising four kids. There have been times where their support and devotion to each other has actually been frustrating to me, but I respect their commitment to each other that comes before their commitment to their children.
Us kids, though not having much money, decided to throw them a little surprise party to celebrate their silver anniversary. While it didn't go without a few bumps and a TON of procrastination, it was a success and I hope it showed them how special their love for each other is :-)
Hopefully I'll have more money to do something even more special for them on their 50th (GOLDEN!) Anniversary :-)
I am proud to say that my wonderful parents have made it to this wonderful milestone!!
May 24th 1986, both my parents got married in a little church in Riverton, Wyoming, exchanging vows to support and love each other through both the good times and the bad. And that's exactly what they have done. They have faced some very hard times and some very wonderful times together. They have stood together and fought their was through raising four kids. There have been times where their support and devotion to each other has actually been frustrating to me, but I respect their commitment to each other that comes before their commitment to their children.
Us kids, though not having much money, decided to throw them a little surprise party to celebrate their silver anniversary. While it didn't go without a few bumps and a TON of procrastination, it was a success and I hope it showed them how special their love for each other is :-)
Hopefully I'll have more money to do something even more special for them on their 50th (GOLDEN!) Anniversary :-)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Re-Awakening
There are little parts of me that I've tucked away for quite a while starting to come back out!
Passions are slowly re-awakening; hopes and dreams are coming back. And I am laughing again...as in my real full-bellied laugh.
Wow, I want to fly.
I'm still trepid with slight fear. What if I get hurt or what if things fail?
But then I remember....the only way to fail is to have tried and to have dreamed and given my all. And why would I not do that?!
I'm excited.
Now let's see what happens from here....
Passions are slowly re-awakening; hopes and dreams are coming back. And I am laughing again...as in my real full-bellied laugh.
Wow, I want to fly.
I'm still trepid with slight fear. What if I get hurt or what if things fail?
But then I remember....the only way to fail is to have tried and to have dreamed and given my all. And why would I not do that?!
I'm excited.
Now let's see what happens from here....
Monday, May 23, 2011
It's All About The 'Tude
Here I sit at work and I realize the power of one's attitude.
Well I've always realized that, which is why I've always tried to have a more positive, uplifting, and supportive attitude towards life and others. But right now, its' importance is proving beyond significant.
But the power of one's attitude can have such a tremendous effect not only on your day, the flow of your day, but also on the flow of others, their attitudes, and the effects it all has on their entire day.
Though I don't possess enough power to always make someone's day who is determined to just have an awful day and piss poor attitude, I am realizing more and more how important and how powerful a positive attitude can have.
And also the power of an awful attitude.
I hate excusing rude and bad behavior. There is not excuse for it. But I know most others do...often stating "That's just how so-and-so is". However, make no excuses people. There's no excuse for others to just totally be rude and bitter and awful.
I may not know all the answers in my job and I might slow others down...but really I have been praised for my willingness to help others and my positive attitude. I love making other people's day and trying to help support them in everything that they do! Why aren't others this way?! It's so powerful.
For example, I might flub up in my job as ward clerk but my willingness to say "Thank you" and "Please" and "You're Welcome" to all the nurses, patients, and doctors has a powerful effect. I hope it makes them all feel appreciated. And my willingness to smile, help out, and figure out a situation rather than brush it off.
One clerk said "I have the power to make or break your day." Really, I can make or break anyone's day. But why would I ever want to boast that?! I don't ever intend to use that power maliciously, only in a positive manner and I wish others had that same attitude....to make everyone else's day!
Attitude: so important and so powerful. I hope it's being used in positive and supportive ways...not the opposite.
Well I've always realized that, which is why I've always tried to have a more positive, uplifting, and supportive attitude towards life and others. But right now, its' importance is proving beyond significant.
But the power of one's attitude can have such a tremendous effect not only on your day, the flow of your day, but also on the flow of others, their attitudes, and the effects it all has on their entire day.
Though I don't possess enough power to always make someone's day who is determined to just have an awful day and piss poor attitude, I am realizing more and more how important and how powerful a positive attitude can have.
And also the power of an awful attitude.
I hate excusing rude and bad behavior. There is not excuse for it. But I know most others do...often stating "That's just how so-and-so is". However, make no excuses people. There's no excuse for others to just totally be rude and bitter and awful.
I may not know all the answers in my job and I might slow others down...but really I have been praised for my willingness to help others and my positive attitude. I love making other people's day and trying to help support them in everything that they do! Why aren't others this way?! It's so powerful.
For example, I might flub up in my job as ward clerk but my willingness to say "Thank you" and "Please" and "You're Welcome" to all the nurses, patients, and doctors has a powerful effect. I hope it makes them all feel appreciated. And my willingness to smile, help out, and figure out a situation rather than brush it off.
One clerk said "I have the power to make or break your day." Really, I can make or break anyone's day. But why would I ever want to boast that?! I don't ever intend to use that power maliciously, only in a positive manner and I wish others had that same attitude....to make everyone else's day!
Attitude: so important and so powerful. I hope it's being used in positive and supportive ways...not the opposite.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Live A Beautiful Life
On a very random side note, I have had a tattoo on my left shoulder for over a year now. I love this tattoo, but I've never taken a picture of it. I've wondered exactly what it looks like on me (considering I'll never be able to actually see myself from the back...). And I've needed a reason to pick up my camera. So last week I did.
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
The Buddings of Summer
There is a reason I don't live in Seattle...and I'm learning more and more that as much as I LOVE the smell of rain and as much as I know we NEED it, I would much rather have the sunny Colorado days I'm used to! Two weeks of dull dreary grey clouds and rain is enough for me!!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Work Work Work....
WHEWEEEEE!!!
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
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