Sunday, July 11, 2010

Missing Krista

Throughout the past 7 1/2 years of my life, my faith has played a huge role in defining me, both in good and bad ways. Sometimes with my faith defining me, I have rebeled against the good girl image and have tried to be stubborn and thick-headed, like I normally am. But no matter what, God has kept a stronghold on my life and my heart.

One of the strongest influences on my faith was my best friend Krista May in high school. Ironically she was 20 years older than me. And she passed from brain cancer my sophomore year. The strength of my faith is due in part to two key conversations with Krista, the love she showed me, and the love her mother poured upon me after she had passed.

I have struggled with my faith at times, just like every other Christian has. I have never claimed to and never will claim to be perfect. Nor will I ever go so far as to say that I'm what some call a "strong Christian". I will never start churches nor lead many people directly to Christ. I might play a part in that path of them coming to eventually find the Lord, but God did not make me to be that woman. He has given me a servant's heart, one that's passionate and will jump at any opportunity to help others. But I'm not made to be a missionary. Just to simply serve and help others.

One question, however, that I have always had on my heart is "Would who I am today make Krista proud?" She was the first person other than my parents to love me unconditionally and be proud of who I was, when in fact, most of the time I still felt insignificant and a failure. She was a loving and genuine person, a woman of strong conviction and an amazingly strong faith. She's the type of woman I could only HOPE to become.

I have only one picture of Krista....and it happens to be the only one that exists of me and her.

But in my high school graduation card, a few years after Krista had passed, her mother Cindy marked these bible verses in my card, and said "God bless you always". I find comfort in these because for whatever reason I feel a bit closer to Krista when I read these verses.

"I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statues, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word."
Psalm 119:30-37

Krista's birthday was June 17th.

I miss her so much.

No comments: