Friday, September 24, 2010

Soon Ending a Chapter?

Ronda at work looked at me earlier this week and said "You only have about four weeks left here...I'm gonna miss you."

Ok, reality check that I didn't particularly need or want!!

I want my life to move forward, but on one hand, I'm not ready to let go of one of the only areas of my life that brings me joy and a sense of purpose.

I know I'm working a long-term sub position the beginning of this year. I know it's going to come to an end. However, I just wasn't expecting it to come so soon.

I love my kiddos, sincerely I do. I love each and every one of them. I find enjoyment in getting to know each of them, getting to know their personalities, to watch their growth and to watch them blossom over time!! Even though I have a different group in many senses of the term this year, going from sped to "typical kiddos" where we are considered an ELL classroom (having quite a few kiddos whose first language is not english...turkish, hmong, vietnamese and another language), being with a different teacher, etc, I absolutely love my kiddos. And of course I enjoy seeing some of my returnees go to Mrs. Kendall's bench and getting to give them hugs and say hi. And I just know some of the other kiddos in other grades.

I love my co-workers. During this crazy time they have served as an outlet. I enjoy my time at work because I enjoy getting to laugh with them, to joke and know that we are all there to support and help each other out. We are a family, who are involved in each other's personal lives but professionally are there to support and encourage each other while at work. We work as a team, a pretty damn good team I might add, and there are no cliques in our little preschool setting. We have a world of our own. And I will not be a part of that environment here shortly. I've been there for a year and have found a comfort in this work environment....and I've found a rock of strength in my "family" there. It's going to be hard for me to not roll out of bed, exhausted but excited to go into work where we exchange "Good mornings", give each other words of encouragement, ask each other how we are, comment on each other's outfits, and exchange jokes and then start our days. It's going to be hard not greeting all of my 16 kiddos in the morning and my 14 kiddos in the afternoon. It's going to be hard not being told by co-workers that they are mad at me for not eating lunch with them the previous day's lunch while I ran errands. It's going to be hard to have to leave the lives of the women who have become part of my foundation. It's going to be hard to not be doing something that is bigger than myself, yet something that goes unnoticed by everyone else.

I don't want this chapter of my life to end. Yes I live month-to-month on a slim pay but it's worth it for me right now.

I don't know how to prepare my mindset for not having that. My work defines a large part of my mental well-being and who I am right now because it's worthy of defining me. I love being a part of a community, a family, where I know others and they know me and we love each other and work together so well.

I mean really, who else hangs out having margaritas with their co-workers and dog/house/babysits consistently for co-workers and families?! Who else has a work environment where they can shape the future generation without the kids remembering me and at the same time get to listen to disney soundtracks, get quality entertainment from the ones they are teaching and at the same time can joke and be so open with their co-workers?!

Oi vai, I'm not sure I'm ready for this....four weeks and my world will be rocked again...

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