It would be a huge understatement to say that I know how to make myself messy in so many ways. Every time I think I finally have a little bit of it figured out and cleaned up, well somehow I get myself in an even bigger tight spot. How uncanny is my ability to do that!!
Without going into the specifics, God's perfect plan is slowly being revealed to me. He is giving me ALL the tools to get out of the mess that I have put myself in.
But as I was looking at the weave of this mess and all the tools/opportunities He has given me, I started to realize the power of God's planning in my life for the entirety of my life.
See this is what I realized: God knows me better than I know myself. He made me. And with that, He knew the mistakes I would make before I even made them. Before He even lovingly planted me in my mother's womb, He knew my heart, He knew ME! He knew what I would be like. He knew at the age of 23 I would be where I'm at thanks to my own doing. And since the day I was born, he has weaved this very intricate plan into my life, a plan to take care of me and get me through my tough times.
I can look back on people in my life, in events in my life, that have specifically led to this point. The perfect web that He has created is remarkable!! I can look at events that I was so confused about happening or not happening these past two years and I now understand the multitude of reasons why.
I was looking back at my life, and I can recognize God's hands in all areas of my life. Of how He led me perfectly to my blessings and to my trials. How He has always been there and has had his Hand on me. I can see specifically when He knew I would take the wrong path and the events that guided me back to right paths. And I understand that when I willingly chose those wrong paths, I can recognize huge spiritual lessons that He taught me during those times....although I will admit it's been from reflection over the past few years that I have come to recognize and name those lessons and learn from them.
In thinking over all of this, I started letting the tears flow in the shower and found myself crying out of joy that my Lord knows me SO much better than even I know myself and has taken care of me so well. I have so much to be thankful for, despite the trials I am going through now as I know I am taken care of, even when it doesn't feel like it.
It's so relieving to know that if I just keep faith in Christ, He is going to lead me down some amazing roads in life and is going to use me in ways I can't even begin to imagine! I just hope that I can keep my eyes on the prize, which is my relationship with the Lord and the glory being lifted up to Him in all facets of my life.
With that being said, there is this really good song that I came across last night that is such a huge part of my testimony right now in life. This song has been touching my heart for the past day and I love the raw truth of this song :-)