Another thursday

It's been a crazy week. I can't keep my focus on school to save my life. I just REALLY don't want to be in school right now. As a matter of fact, I'm not quite sure what I want.

I feel like I'm standing in a room full of people constantly but yet so alone. I NEED someone who knows me inside and out. But I've realized I don't have anyone in my life right now that knows me inside and out. I have lots of great friends but no one that has been in my life and/or around long enough to really know that much about me. No one besides my family who is concerned too much about me. That feeling kind of sucks.

I guess what really hurts right now is knowing my friendship with Scott isn't and wasn't worth anything. It's amazing. I have never stayed friends with any person I dated for the sheer fact that we didn't have a good friendship. Scott was my best friend. I was his so I thought. But he's made it so completely apparent that friendship was worth absolutely jack shit. He has deleted me completely out of his life. However, I find it amazing he never so completely deleted his other ex out of his life even after we broke up. Unless he finally did it.

I texted him to ask if we would ever talk again. He basically made it known that unless I was in his life as his girlfriend he didn't want me in his life period. That hurts. Knowing our friendship wasn't worth more than that. Makes me realize just how much I actually meant to him. Having a girlfriend, someone to love, someone to love him back was what mattered, not actually me. That hurts. At least I let it be known I still cared about him. Apparently that's not the case on his end.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

Just hard. He was the one person who knew everything about me inside and out, was my friend, was the one person I can talk to. I don't have that. Just reaffirms the lack of meaning and purpose I have in a lot of people's lives right now.

Anywho, I have a mid-term tomorrow. Man oh man I might be in over my head. I got a D on my last one, which was weird considering I was confidant that I was going to get a B when I walked out. I had one on Monday and I'm not sure how well that one went. Still waiting on my grade. I have one on Monday. That one is my most challenging class. The one tomorrow shouldn't be too hard but I could be wrong. It's a very interesting class....Nutrition in the Life Cycle.

I just got done with my Sustainable Food Issues class. That was an amazing class!!! I absolutely loved that class. I wish I had more that were like that.

In my Community Nutrition class (my least favorite) we are working on a service learning project in which we volunteer at a community organization and then plan some sort of nutritional intervention. We are working at NCAP - the Northern Colorado AIDS Project. It's amazing the lack of nutrition education a lot of the general public has. Right now we are focusing strictly on education that will hope start the motivation to start them down a path of a more nutritious lifestyle. Alyssa is most excited about the vegan condoms :) Lol, that girl cracks me up.

I started swimming again. Man it is SO relaxing, it feels great. I obviously am not in the shape I used to be but it feels great to be back in the water.

Tomorrow I'm going to a barbecue with some classmates. Taking tons of leftover wine from our masquerade ball. Then Tiffany asked me to go rockclimbing :) It will be the first time I've ever done anything like it and I'm actually excited!! never done anything like this before. We'll see how it goes.

I saw Brian at the rec yesterday :)

Ok, I need to get back to studying, so I don't completely bomb this mid-term. More to come later.