I'm currently in my OB rotation, with one week of five left to go. We are studying the end of OB, which means studying the end-of-life in OB. This was one of the videos we were encouraged to watch.
I'm more emotional at this point in my life than ever before, but even then I was surprised by how much this video affected me. Beautiful. Faith. Love. Three words that come to mind in relation to this video.
Friday, July 06, 2012
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Avett Brothers on the Rocks
As of late, most of my time is occupied by nursing school related activities or work. In those rare moments that I have "nothing to do" (aka nothing pressingly due right at THAT moment) I find myself catching up on sleep and recharging my batteries.
Along with that, I've been trying to come back to my center, to regain site of parts of myself that are lost when everything is so overwhelmed with this program. I've been trying to focus on being grateful, thankful, and enjoying the present.
While I can't say I thoroughly enjoy most of my life right now, I'm trying to love the moment that I'm in, and cherish it for what it is.
It's a huge work-in-progress. Looking within myself and meditating on many things is quite a huge task at hand, but it's one I'm working on, baby step by baby step.
With that said, I bought tickets to go see The Avett Brothers last night at Red Rocks. I've never watched them perform but was tantalized with comments from Memphis (one of the roomies) that their persona on stage is insurmountable. Thoroughly excited to head to the beauty of Red Rocks and spend the evening sipping wonderful craft beer with a great friend and enjoying beautiful, wonderful music under the brilliance of the sky.
Up first was a band called City and Colour. Wow! Great music! Halfway through one of their songs the crowd started to clap and go wild...looking over to our left, there was a man who waited for one of their particular songs (a love long, of course!) to drop down to one knee and propose. The warmth and love that flowed from the crowd was just amazing, and watching that happen, brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I LOVE love :-) The band finished playing the song instrumentally while the proposal was going on and then congratulated the two, dedicating the next song to them. Of course she said yes ;-) What a beautiful reminder of the goodness of life!
After City and Colour, the stagehands starting setting up....and one of the most wonderful things happened. It started raining. For 10 minutes, I sat in my seat, and got soaking wet. A feeling of angst and dread came over me. I hate being wet, my makeup was running off, and my hair was destroyed. Being at a point in life where I'm not happy with myself physically, I felt anxiety as the rain washed away my outer layer to expose the insecurity that lay beneath. But after about a minute of rain, I remember a conversation I just had a few days ago with a friend (of whom I actually don't remember who it was!). The friend said something about learning to let go, let God, and instead of running from the rainstorms in life, to enjoy that moment and let it flow and cleanse us. So I sat, and let the rain take away my outer layer of confidence and cleanse my soul. And it was painful. So very painful. I won't lie. And while I didn't quite dance in the rain...I tried to enjoy the moment, that rawness, the beauty, the purpose, and even the "pain".
What a beautiful way to strip me down before the show!
And not much later, The Avett Brothers came on.
Passion. That's how I would describe their performance. Imperfectly beautiful. Emotional. Raw.
The atmosphere, the songs, the lyrics, the energy, the passion, the love...I needed it all. And I soaked it in. I enjoyed watching the band let emotions take over and direct the show, enhance the energy, and shower the audience with love and gratitude.
So beautiful. So what my soul needed.
To let music, and passion, take over again, last night, was exactly what I needed.
I was reminded of my belief in true love and the hope for romance, reminded of how much passion should direct what is my life, reminded me of the beauty of imperfections, and started to heal over some of the heartache and longings on my soul.
Along with that, I've been trying to come back to my center, to regain site of parts of myself that are lost when everything is so overwhelmed with this program. I've been trying to focus on being grateful, thankful, and enjoying the present.
While I can't say I thoroughly enjoy most of my life right now, I'm trying to love the moment that I'm in, and cherish it for what it is.
It's a huge work-in-progress. Looking within myself and meditating on many things is quite a huge task at hand, but it's one I'm working on, baby step by baby step.
With that said, I bought tickets to go see The Avett Brothers last night at Red Rocks. I've never watched them perform but was tantalized with comments from Memphis (one of the roomies) that their persona on stage is insurmountable. Thoroughly excited to head to the beauty of Red Rocks and spend the evening sipping wonderful craft beer with a great friend and enjoying beautiful, wonderful music under the brilliance of the sky.
Up first was a band called City and Colour. Wow! Great music! Halfway through one of their songs the crowd started to clap and go wild...looking over to our left, there was a man who waited for one of their particular songs (a love long, of course!) to drop down to one knee and propose. The warmth and love that flowed from the crowd was just amazing, and watching that happen, brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I LOVE love :-) The band finished playing the song instrumentally while the proposal was going on and then congratulated the two, dedicating the next song to them. Of course she said yes ;-) What a beautiful reminder of the goodness of life!
After City and Colour, the stagehands starting setting up....and one of the most wonderful things happened. It started raining. For 10 minutes, I sat in my seat, and got soaking wet. A feeling of angst and dread came over me. I hate being wet, my makeup was running off, and my hair was destroyed. Being at a point in life where I'm not happy with myself physically, I felt anxiety as the rain washed away my outer layer to expose the insecurity that lay beneath. But after about a minute of rain, I remember a conversation I just had a few days ago with a friend (of whom I actually don't remember who it was!). The friend said something about learning to let go, let God, and instead of running from the rainstorms in life, to enjoy that moment and let it flow and cleanse us. So I sat, and let the rain take away my outer layer of confidence and cleanse my soul. And it was painful. So very painful. I won't lie. And while I didn't quite dance in the rain...I tried to enjoy the moment, that rawness, the beauty, the purpose, and even the "pain".
What a beautiful way to strip me down before the show!
And not much later, The Avett Brothers came on.
Passion. That's how I would describe their performance. Imperfectly beautiful. Emotional. Raw.
The atmosphere, the songs, the lyrics, the energy, the passion, the love...I needed it all. And I soaked it in. I enjoyed watching the band let emotions take over and direct the show, enhance the energy, and shower the audience with love and gratitude.
So beautiful. So what my soul needed.
To let music, and passion, take over again, last night, was exactly what I needed.
I was reminded of my belief in true love and the hope for romance, reminded of how much passion should direct what is my life, reminded me of the beauty of imperfections, and started to heal over some of the heartache and longings on my soul.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Keep Your Head Up, Keep Your Love
keep your head up. keep your love.
|The Lumineers|
Yesterday was a pretty great day at work. Though this might seem odd to some people, work is my reprieve in a lot of ways. It's a safe place for me. A place where people know me for my smile, my optimism, my humor, my excitement, and my wackiness. It's a place where I can joke and be passionate, all at the same time. While it's in a different manner than when I was working with my kiddos, it's still a place where I can be parts of myself that I haven't been able to be anywhere else for quite some time.
One of the most treasured aspects of my job is getting the chance to relate to my patients and to be their caregiver and advocate during some of their most vulnerable times. Even when I was working with prisoners, when one is sick one is in a very vulnerable position that brings out the best and worst in people. It's a time when we are seen stripped to the bone, quite literally (and figuratively), and the true meat of humanity can come out.
I enjoy taking care of others, so immensely. It's just built into how I am wired. And none more so than the most vulnerable. Those with special needs. A protective and caring nature comes over me.
Most especially, those with cerebral palsy. A huge contributor to that was my little Ethan. But more so, I came to really understand those with cerebral palsy and came to understand the brilliant, normal people behind the spasticity.
Yesterday at work, we had a patient there who had cerebral palsy. He's been there for a couple of weeks now apparently, but since I haven't worked the floor I haven't even known he was there. When I walked in to help my fellow HCT, I found out very quickly he had CP and automatically all my natural instincts kicked in. I found myself automatically protective and advocating for the best of care for him, helping Diane to get him cleaned up and into the chair, then encouraging him to come out in the hall and spend some time with us nurses (it was a slower day so it was possible to spend some time talking with him)! However, I soon came to understand just how much my heart gets wrapped up in my patients rather quickly. Case in point: when asking the charge nurse whether he could sit by the nurses station with us (which is encouraged in our nursing program), our charge replied with a short and curtly answer, of which I automatically walked off because I know the propensity of my mouth to not have a filter when opened.
I realized that I had to ask Diane to check me if I got out of line, as I realized that my heart was already too much involved with this one patient.
However, it got me to thinking: this is what is going to make me a great nurse. The ability to relate to, connect with, and then become an advocate for my patients. That's what nurses are right?! Not just caregivers but advocates for the best of care.
I realized my heart is already poured into my job, but I realized that's not a bad thing, it just means I'm going to have to find avenues and ways of making sure I maintain professionalism and my sanity when the going gets tough.
So keep your head up, gal!
|The Lumineers|
Yesterday was a pretty great day at work. Though this might seem odd to some people, work is my reprieve in a lot of ways. It's a safe place for me. A place where people know me for my smile, my optimism, my humor, my excitement, and my wackiness. It's a place where I can joke and be passionate, all at the same time. While it's in a different manner than when I was working with my kiddos, it's still a place where I can be parts of myself that I haven't been able to be anywhere else for quite some time.
One of the most treasured aspects of my job is getting the chance to relate to my patients and to be their caregiver and advocate during some of their most vulnerable times. Even when I was working with prisoners, when one is sick one is in a very vulnerable position that brings out the best and worst in people. It's a time when we are seen stripped to the bone, quite literally (and figuratively), and the true meat of humanity can come out.
I enjoy taking care of others, so immensely. It's just built into how I am wired. And none more so than the most vulnerable. Those with special needs. A protective and caring nature comes over me.
Most especially, those with cerebral palsy. A huge contributor to that was my little Ethan. But more so, I came to really understand those with cerebral palsy and came to understand the brilliant, normal people behind the spasticity.
Yesterday at work, we had a patient there who had cerebral palsy. He's been there for a couple of weeks now apparently, but since I haven't worked the floor I haven't even known he was there. When I walked in to help my fellow HCT, I found out very quickly he had CP and automatically all my natural instincts kicked in. I found myself automatically protective and advocating for the best of care for him, helping Diane to get him cleaned up and into the chair, then encouraging him to come out in the hall and spend some time with us nurses (it was a slower day so it was possible to spend some time talking with him)! However, I soon came to understand just how much my heart gets wrapped up in my patients rather quickly. Case in point: when asking the charge nurse whether he could sit by the nurses station with us (which is encouraged in our nursing program), our charge replied with a short and curtly answer, of which I automatically walked off because I know the propensity of my mouth to not have a filter when opened.
I realized that I had to ask Diane to check me if I got out of line, as I realized that my heart was already too much involved with this one patient.
However, it got me to thinking: this is what is going to make me a great nurse. The ability to relate to, connect with, and then become an advocate for my patients. That's what nurses are right?! Not just caregivers but advocates for the best of care.
I realized my heart is already poured into my job, but I realized that's not a bad thing, it just means I'm going to have to find avenues and ways of making sure I maintain professionalism and my sanity when the going gets tough.
So keep your head up, gal!
Un-indated with Regis
The past month-and-a-half have been a flurry of impetuous activity. It's hard for me to get my brain to focus on any one task anymore as it is so used to speeding towards the next task, activity, test, assignment, work day, etc. To say that I have been busy is an understatement.
I think the word I would give it is in-undated, or if we're going for more blunt terms, swamped.
Each time I think I might get a little breather, or catch a glimpse of "fresh air", I am amazed by the more consuming amount of nursing-school related stuff that is thrown my way. Maybe it's just me but I feel so engulfed....like there isn't enough time in the day to do it all....and by it all, I'm not referring to any other part of life other than nursing school related activities.
The sheer amount of time I spend in class and at clinical is ridiculous. Then add in studying, and the crazy amounts of extranuous activities.
Wow!! Is all I can say. I didn't think it's possible to have this much thrown into one program. It's crazy!
I'm finding more and more that I miss being a part of society and life. I look longingly out at the trees while I'm at class or at clinical, wishing I could just be outside with the world! And then I get to thinking about all the things I want to do and see....and how those things are continually put on hold until next year.
Oh how I can't wait!
I can't wait to go hiking, biking, traversing. Road-tripping, beer-drinking, sports watching. I can't wait to have a weekend off!! I can't wait to have an evening where the millions of things due aren't sitting in the back of my head. I can't wait to go on a trip, to sit in the middle of nature again. I can't wait to sit on the front porch with my family and not be exhausted.
All those things that I miss so much, and can't wait until I have a moment to do them again. Each time I think I might be able to add a little spice of those back in my life, my clinical schedule ends up eating up all my free time or another group project is thrown our way. When does it end?!
I think the word I would give it is in-undated, or if we're going for more blunt terms, swamped.
Each time I think I might get a little breather, or catch a glimpse of "fresh air", I am amazed by the more consuming amount of nursing-school related stuff that is thrown my way. Maybe it's just me but I feel so engulfed....like there isn't enough time in the day to do it all....and by it all, I'm not referring to any other part of life other than nursing school related activities.
The sheer amount of time I spend in class and at clinical is ridiculous. Then add in studying, and the crazy amounts of extranuous activities.
Wow!! Is all I can say. I didn't think it's possible to have this much thrown into one program. It's crazy!
I'm finding more and more that I miss being a part of society and life. I look longingly out at the trees while I'm at class or at clinical, wishing I could just be outside with the world! And then I get to thinking about all the things I want to do and see....and how those things are continually put on hold until next year.
Oh how I can't wait!
I can't wait to go hiking, biking, traversing. Road-tripping, beer-drinking, sports watching. I can't wait to have a weekend off!! I can't wait to have an evening where the millions of things due aren't sitting in the back of my head. I can't wait to go on a trip, to sit in the middle of nature again. I can't wait to sit on the front porch with my family and not be exhausted.
All those things that I miss so much, and can't wait until I have a moment to do them again. Each time I think I might be able to add a little spice of those back in my life, my clinical schedule ends up eating up all my free time or another group project is thrown our way. When does it end?!
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
Axel Everett Carr
I welcomed my first nephew into this world! Axel Everett Carr was born at 9:53am on June 1, 2012. Unfortunately I wasn't able to be there for the birth (like originally requested from my sister-in-law) but I was able to head up to Fort Collins to meet him later that evening. I brought my camera along and snapped a few pics :-)
What a cutie patootie! Loving my little Thor already ;-)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Color Run
My friend J has this wonderful wife named Tricia.
Tricia asked if I wanted to do a 5k.
I hate running. I'm not good at it, I never do it. Ick. Running not for me. However, I enjoy 5k's for the fun times and charities they benefit. Hence why I've done several. Let me clarify that I normally walk these 5k's with others!
Welp, Tricia and her friends are runners. I'm not. But when she told me about the Color Run, I just COULD NOT pass it up.
The premise: a 5k to benefit The Childrens Hospital (well at least the one in Denver benefits The Childrens Hospital). The catch: you start off in a white tee and during the "race" they throw color on you!
HELL YEAH, sign me up! I get to get dirty and turn into a rainbow. I'll take it :-)
Needless to say it was a blasty blast! Lots of color, lots of cheer, lots of super nice folks doing the run. And let's not forget we were one bright hot mess when done. Woot woot! I will also admit that I'm super proud because I actually ran half of it. That's pretty impressive for yours truly!!
A few pics of course displaying the awesomeness of the festivities.
Tricia asked if I wanted to do a 5k.
I hate running. I'm not good at it, I never do it. Ick. Running not for me. However, I enjoy 5k's for the fun times and charities they benefit. Hence why I've done several. Let me clarify that I normally walk these 5k's with others!
Welp, Tricia and her friends are runners. I'm not. But when she told me about the Color Run, I just COULD NOT pass it up.
The premise: a 5k to benefit The Childrens Hospital (well at least the one in Denver benefits The Childrens Hospital). The catch: you start off in a white tee and during the "race" they throw color on you!
HELL YEAH, sign me up! I get to get dirty and turn into a rainbow. I'll take it :-)
Needless to say it was a blasty blast! Lots of color, lots of cheer, lots of super nice folks doing the run. And let's not forget we were one bright hot mess when done. Woot woot! I will also admit that I'm super proud because I actually ran half of it. That's pretty impressive for yours truly!!
A few pics of course displaying the awesomeness of the festivities.
Spontaneity. Adventure.
I miss those two! So bad. Seriously.
There's nothing like a spontaneous adventure, especially because they throw you outside your comfort zone, caution (mostly) to the wind. When did I stop doing that?!
Anywho.
Crested Butte. A handsome fella. A truck. Two days. That was my latest adventure.
Yeah yeah. It's not like I white-water rafted down the Grand Canyon or climbed Mount Everest on a whim but baby steps y'all.
Of course, my camera was with me and I kept forgetting to get it out. (Remember the whole passion thing...I'm having to consciously remember my camera...I forgot how much I loved being behind the damn thing! Sad day).
So alas, all I have is a few iPhone pics. So lame I know. But here was my fav. What a wonderful view :-)
Normally this is where I would mention going back to the grind of nursing school. Which I am. But I'm also doing a few things this summer to keep some balance.
So when my bestie and her bf put pics on fb of some tickets to go see The Avett Brothers at Red Rocks I followed suite to go with them :-)
Good beer. Great friends. Rad music. Recipe for success :-)
Alright blog world, it is time for bed. See ya on the flip side!
I miss those two! So bad. Seriously.
There's nothing like a spontaneous adventure, especially because they throw you outside your comfort zone, caution (mostly) to the wind. When did I stop doing that?!
Anywho.
Crested Butte. A handsome fella. A truck. Two days. That was my latest adventure.
Yeah yeah. It's not like I white-water rafted down the Grand Canyon or climbed Mount Everest on a whim but baby steps y'all.
Of course, my camera was with me and I kept forgetting to get it out. (Remember the whole passion thing...I'm having to consciously remember my camera...I forgot how much I loved being behind the damn thing! Sad day).
Normally this is where I would mention going back to the grind of nursing school. Which I am. But I'm also doing a few things this summer to keep some balance.
So when my bestie and her bf put pics on fb of some tickets to go see The Avett Brothers at Red Rocks I followed suite to go with them :-)
Good beer. Great friends. Rad music. Recipe for success :-)
Alright blog world, it is time for bed. See ya on the flip side!
Far from what I once was....
"Far from what I once was, but not yet what I'm going to be..."
Sometimes when I finally stop to take a moment at where I'm at, I look back and am amazed at what's behind me and where I am. Sometimes that amazement is a good thing and other times it leaves a heaviness in my heart.
Both can accurately be said when I stop and look back at several steps behind me. When I look back to a couple years ago, I'm amazed at where I am and who I have become. There have been some huge hurdles and tribulations to say the least. Events that I never imagined would happen to me have left me stunned and weakened, and blessings I couldn't fathom have blossomed from piles of ruins. Lessons have been learned, my heart has been shattered, and I am all the stronger for it. On the other hand, I look back with sadness at those times because of the "jaded scars" they have left behind on my soul.
When I look back to a year ago, I feel triumphant (and scared) that I am finally chasing dreams. Goals are no longer being talked about, they are IN THE MAKING! For awhile I doubted I would ever actually be doing and not just talking about. I also feel sadness as the amount of hope and faith I had at that time was so strong, stronger than it is now oddly enough (I hate admitting that).
When I look back to right before I started this program, I look back in longing. I have been headed down a slow path of losing sights of small bits and pieces of myself.
Little did I know that in chasing my dream of becoming a nurse, sacrifices of my heart and identity would have to be made.
"It's a means to an end" my mother has always said and I've always hated that quote. Because when one believes in that line, one can also dangerously fall into a trap of always being in the mean, searching for the end, and can sacrifice the journey and happiness of that journey along the way.
Nursing school has been intense. I think the accelerated program was a great choice, and horrible all at the same time. One year folks. That's not that long right?! 15 weeks. Meh that's nothing right?! Wrong. That's the amount of time it took me for finally dive into losing a good grip of balance and of my identity. That 15 weeks of pure sacrifice, where nothing but nursing school was all that existed, were enough to throw me into a tailspin. One I'm finally just realizing that I've been in.
What makes me tick?! What makes me thrive?! Social interaction. Though I might be a little shy at times, and a tidge socially awkward, I thrive on relationship. I thrive on positivity, humor, happiness, welcoming souls. I find so much beauty in this world, and in the small things. The joy and hope and faith that can be found were so vital to me. Love, the most important of all. Kindness.
I found that when I left working with my preschoolers to dive into the "real world" and working at Denver Health I left behind a huge part of myself. You see, kids just naturally are so vibrant and joyful. It's time and heartaches that jade that away from people. Naturally adults are lackluster in these arenas, a great majority of the time.
That's ok though. Your attitude is what makes an experience. Usually. So I threw my heart and soul, and dug from the depths, and made work a great place to be. Because gosh darnit! If you can make others laugh and smile, and really care about them, it comes back to you. Though I admittedly found I have not been fed into in the same equalities I give to others.
One of my biggest strengths and weaknesses is my caregivers heart and always giving of myself to others. It's a weakness when my own well is not being given into.
Nursing school only intensified that. Thrown into an intense program that is so rigid and serious and all-consuming, with people who know very little about me, and unable to form very many deep quality relationships, I found that after awhile, not being able to do the things I enjoy or are my respite became a huge sacrifice.
Now here I sit. After two weeks of giving nursing school the middle finger and socializing with friends, family, and throwing myself back into my "life", I find myself realizing that I dived off the deep end of sacrifice and it left me feeling so empty.
I'm still mad. Super mad actually that I'm only halfway done with a program that consumes all my energy and time. I want to be OUT in the world, with friends, experiencing life! Sure my dream of becoming a nurse is important and is my passion (that after one awful clinical experience I am relearning all the reasons I wanted to be a nurse again), it's not everything.
There are much more important things! God, family, friends, relationships, happiness, love. Being a nurse won't define me, rather it will be an outward extension of part of my heart. I think I'm just mad right now that it's being made to define me. This year is defined as "the year of nursing school". Ick.
With that being said, I'm doing a lot of soul searching. I'm reigniting and relearning what it is that's deep inside me, what makes me who I am, and what makes me tick. Funny I was able to forget that huh?!
Here's what I've discovered.
My relationship with God is so important and needs more focus. Faith is something I need to start working on again. I had SO much faith, where did it go?! I'm quickly remembering how much faith my kiddos had in me, when did I lose faith in my God? And losing that faith has translated into a lot of doubt of myself.
Relationships. God I love relationship with others. What the hell is the point in living if you don't have people you love and care about and that know you beside you?! Here's to remembering to spend quality time with those that have gone by the wayside.
Passion, happiness, optimism, joy. I lost a lot of those and I definitely feel it. I could find joy in anything, and while I still do, it's not the same degree or intensity. Damnit, I want my emotions to be all-consuming and intense again!
Humor. It's just way too damn important to laugh your way through life. Really there's just no other way. Not to mention those who are happy and laugh live longer :-)
Love. This is such a deep area. I shut myself off to loving others, romantically. One blind date later and I realized just how much I had shut myself off to that. While I've always believed in fairy tales and true love and "happily ever after", I literally doubted God would even want or plan that for my life and in doing so, also shut myself off from taking risks. Risks that I used to take willy nilly! How can I possibly find love if I don't take risks. Duh. I might get hurt. We lose 100% of the risks we don't take. So here's to taking risks again! (Slowly and more mindfully of course).
And I will freely admit, I'm a sucker for romance. I might put on a tough bravado but romance...have always fantasized about being "swept off my feet". Well here's to hoping it might actually one day happen ;-)
So here's to me. I'm far from who I used to be, in both good ways and bad. I'm not yet who I'm going to be, and that's ok. But here's to strapping on my boots, realizing that this is just another part of the beautiful journey that God has laid out before me, and I'm stepping forward. While this is probably the gazillionth time God has thrown this lesson my way, I'm still gonna take it as a learning experience, that I might eventually peg down! So here's back to getting to myself, and to rediscovering myself, and rediscovering the beautiful parts of life, even with the bad and ugly.
Gosh it feels good to take a deep breath again and leap.
Sometimes when I finally stop to take a moment at where I'm at, I look back and am amazed at what's behind me and where I am. Sometimes that amazement is a good thing and other times it leaves a heaviness in my heart.
Both can accurately be said when I stop and look back at several steps behind me. When I look back to a couple years ago, I'm amazed at where I am and who I have become. There have been some huge hurdles and tribulations to say the least. Events that I never imagined would happen to me have left me stunned and weakened, and blessings I couldn't fathom have blossomed from piles of ruins. Lessons have been learned, my heart has been shattered, and I am all the stronger for it. On the other hand, I look back with sadness at those times because of the "jaded scars" they have left behind on my soul.
When I look back to a year ago, I feel triumphant (and scared) that I am finally chasing dreams. Goals are no longer being talked about, they are IN THE MAKING! For awhile I doubted I would ever actually be doing and not just talking about. I also feel sadness as the amount of hope and faith I had at that time was so strong, stronger than it is now oddly enough (I hate admitting that).
When I look back to right before I started this program, I look back in longing. I have been headed down a slow path of losing sights of small bits and pieces of myself.
Little did I know that in chasing my dream of becoming a nurse, sacrifices of my heart and identity would have to be made.
"It's a means to an end" my mother has always said and I've always hated that quote. Because when one believes in that line, one can also dangerously fall into a trap of always being in the mean, searching for the end, and can sacrifice the journey and happiness of that journey along the way.
Nursing school has been intense. I think the accelerated program was a great choice, and horrible all at the same time. One year folks. That's not that long right?! 15 weeks. Meh that's nothing right?! Wrong. That's the amount of time it took me for finally dive into losing a good grip of balance and of my identity. That 15 weeks of pure sacrifice, where nothing but nursing school was all that existed, were enough to throw me into a tailspin. One I'm finally just realizing that I've been in.
What makes me tick?! What makes me thrive?! Social interaction. Though I might be a little shy at times, and a tidge socially awkward, I thrive on relationship. I thrive on positivity, humor, happiness, welcoming souls. I find so much beauty in this world, and in the small things. The joy and hope and faith that can be found were so vital to me. Love, the most important of all. Kindness.
I found that when I left working with my preschoolers to dive into the "real world" and working at Denver Health I left behind a huge part of myself. You see, kids just naturally are so vibrant and joyful. It's time and heartaches that jade that away from people. Naturally adults are lackluster in these arenas, a great majority of the time.
That's ok though. Your attitude is what makes an experience. Usually. So I threw my heart and soul, and dug from the depths, and made work a great place to be. Because gosh darnit! If you can make others laugh and smile, and really care about them, it comes back to you. Though I admittedly found I have not been fed into in the same equalities I give to others.
One of my biggest strengths and weaknesses is my caregivers heart and always giving of myself to others. It's a weakness when my own well is not being given into.
Nursing school only intensified that. Thrown into an intense program that is so rigid and serious and all-consuming, with people who know very little about me, and unable to form very many deep quality relationships, I found that after awhile, not being able to do the things I enjoy or are my respite became a huge sacrifice.
Now here I sit. After two weeks of giving nursing school the middle finger and socializing with friends, family, and throwing myself back into my "life", I find myself realizing that I dived off the deep end of sacrifice and it left me feeling so empty.
I'm still mad. Super mad actually that I'm only halfway done with a program that consumes all my energy and time. I want to be OUT in the world, with friends, experiencing life! Sure my dream of becoming a nurse is important and is my passion (that after one awful clinical experience I am relearning all the reasons I wanted to be a nurse again), it's not everything.
There are much more important things! God, family, friends, relationships, happiness, love. Being a nurse won't define me, rather it will be an outward extension of part of my heart. I think I'm just mad right now that it's being made to define me. This year is defined as "the year of nursing school". Ick.
With that being said, I'm doing a lot of soul searching. I'm reigniting and relearning what it is that's deep inside me, what makes me who I am, and what makes me tick. Funny I was able to forget that huh?!
Here's what I've discovered.
My relationship with God is so important and needs more focus. Faith is something I need to start working on again. I had SO much faith, where did it go?! I'm quickly remembering how much faith my kiddos had in me, when did I lose faith in my God? And losing that faith has translated into a lot of doubt of myself.
Relationships. God I love relationship with others. What the hell is the point in living if you don't have people you love and care about and that know you beside you?! Here's to remembering to spend quality time with those that have gone by the wayside.
Passion, happiness, optimism, joy. I lost a lot of those and I definitely feel it. I could find joy in anything, and while I still do, it's not the same degree or intensity. Damnit, I want my emotions to be all-consuming and intense again!
Humor. It's just way too damn important to laugh your way through life. Really there's just no other way. Not to mention those who are happy and laugh live longer :-)
Love. This is such a deep area. I shut myself off to loving others, romantically. One blind date later and I realized just how much I had shut myself off to that. While I've always believed in fairy tales and true love and "happily ever after", I literally doubted God would even want or plan that for my life and in doing so, also shut myself off from taking risks. Risks that I used to take willy nilly! How can I possibly find love if I don't take risks. Duh. I might get hurt. We lose 100% of the risks we don't take. So here's to taking risks again! (Slowly and more mindfully of course).
And I will freely admit, I'm a sucker for romance. I might put on a tough bravado but romance...have always fantasized about being "swept off my feet". Well here's to hoping it might actually one day happen ;-)
So here's to me. I'm far from who I used to be, in both good ways and bad. I'm not yet who I'm going to be, and that's ok. But here's to strapping on my boots, realizing that this is just another part of the beautiful journey that God has laid out before me, and I'm stepping forward. While this is probably the gazillionth time God has thrown this lesson my way, I'm still gonna take it as a learning experience, that I might eventually peg down! So here's back to getting to myself, and to rediscovering myself, and rediscovering the beautiful parts of life, even with the bad and ugly.
Gosh it feels good to take a deep breath again and leap.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Vulnerability
Vulnerable.
That's really how I feel right now. A few years ago, vulnerable wouldn't necessarily make me sit down and reflect. That was sort of just part of my inner wiring. Very vulnerable to others, vulnerable to the world, a lot of guards down. Now I sit here a little unused to being so vulnerable as I was before, and when that feeling hits, it causes me to pause for a second.
My vivacious mother, whom I love to death, decided to set me up on a blind date.
Ok let's backtrack for a second here. After my very tumultuous relationship with Britton, followed by a horrible dating experience dating last summer, I have turned my head the other way on dating. For several reasons in fact. For one I just got plain ol tired of always being hurt, taken advantage of, and the sheer exhaustion that comes with a draining relationship/dating experience. For two, my life was starting to rear up in a direction I had been working towards for a very long time. I went from struggling week-to-week financially to obtaining a job at DH I loved, but that took me away from social circles (it's kinda hard to keep a social calendar with friends when you work weekend nights). Then I got accepted into Regis and I started gearing up for the accelerated program. I had to finish a couple classes, get a ton of paperwork started, worked my ass off to try to get my prereq classes paid for (those were out-of-pocket), all while helping my mother to take care of my grandmother.
For me it just worked to have no interest in dating. There was simply too much going on.
Starting this program, it was a relief that I had no significant other, no children, no distractions, etc. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. For me that's what worked.
Have I wanted a healthy supportive relationship? Yes. Have I desired to have a companion? Yes. Do I want romance in my life? Yes. Do I long for a lasting love? YES!
Was I willing to date yet another douchebag? No. Was I willing to distract from my studies? No.
You see, all of my relationship/dating experiences have had pretty huge negatives. Because that was my experience, I felt it better to just not even give it a thought for quite awhile.
However, being 24, I'm already realizing how much smaller the dating pool is getting. Not necessarily in terms of numbers (though it is...a lot of people are getting married and starting families). Rather, I'm meaning quality. There's a reason a lot of people my age and a little bit older are single at this point, most usually, and it's usually not a good sign. There's another reason to not date. Trying to wade through that pool of potential suitors seems daunting when you know the reason they are probably still single is not of a desirable trait.
Alright so fast forward again, my mother decided that after almost a year-and-a-half of being single, and a year of me not looking at all for dates, and after a year of me professing (yet again....as I have always done when I'm single) that I'm not interested in dating, she set me up on a blind date.
Now hold on a minute....what?! Yes my mother set me up on a blind date. I honestly never thought I'd see the day when that would happen.Nor did I expect it. I came home to my mother getting lunch and she slide a number across the table at me. Jigga what?! Aw hell no! That was my first reaction.
Long story (and amusing for another time) short I gave this mystery man a ring, and we went on a first date.
Pure petrification. I don't think I've been that terrified in awhile. And that's saying something, because I'm pretty nervous and scared every day walking into work or class, not knowing what I will be facing taking care of another patient.
However, I wasn't petrified for too long. Joking, direct questioning, laughing, and some talking later, I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
I got asked on a second date.
Pure nervousness and fear. Really?! He asked me on a second date?! Wow.
The reason I think I was so nervous the second time around is two-fold. He liked me enough to ask me to come out again. That shocked me, just because I wasn't expecting it. Also, it meant that with each time he asks me to see each other again, I become a little more vulnerable to him. That freaks me out. Because being vulnerable to others has gotten me in worlds of trouble.
That's not saying I'm going to flip my hard shell over and just be the belly-side of a starfish, begging to be preyed upon. But it does mean that the massive guards that I have slowly built up have to slowly come down. For the first time in a very long time, I might have to start letting someone in. Because it's who I am on the inside, past those walls, that someone wants to get to know, more than the superficial questions. That's a scary thought for me anymore. That includes an aspect of being vulnerable.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, rather facing a realistic possibility. It's really kind of exciting and enthralling really.
With the unexpected, comes the most beautiful experiences :-)
That's really how I feel right now. A few years ago, vulnerable wouldn't necessarily make me sit down and reflect. That was sort of just part of my inner wiring. Very vulnerable to others, vulnerable to the world, a lot of guards down. Now I sit here a little unused to being so vulnerable as I was before, and when that feeling hits, it causes me to pause for a second.
My vivacious mother, whom I love to death, decided to set me up on a blind date.
Ok let's backtrack for a second here. After my very tumultuous relationship with Britton, followed by a horrible dating experience dating last summer, I have turned my head the other way on dating. For several reasons in fact. For one I just got plain ol tired of always being hurt, taken advantage of, and the sheer exhaustion that comes with a draining relationship/dating experience. For two, my life was starting to rear up in a direction I had been working towards for a very long time. I went from struggling week-to-week financially to obtaining a job at DH I loved, but that took me away from social circles (it's kinda hard to keep a social calendar with friends when you work weekend nights). Then I got accepted into Regis and I started gearing up for the accelerated program. I had to finish a couple classes, get a ton of paperwork started, worked my ass off to try to get my prereq classes paid for (those were out-of-pocket), all while helping my mother to take care of my grandmother.
For me it just worked to have no interest in dating. There was simply too much going on.
Starting this program, it was a relief that I had no significant other, no children, no distractions, etc. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. For me that's what worked.
Have I wanted a healthy supportive relationship? Yes. Have I desired to have a companion? Yes. Do I want romance in my life? Yes. Do I long for a lasting love? YES!
Was I willing to date yet another douchebag? No. Was I willing to distract from my studies? No.
You see, all of my relationship/dating experiences have had pretty huge negatives. Because that was my experience, I felt it better to just not even give it a thought for quite awhile.
However, being 24, I'm already realizing how much smaller the dating pool is getting. Not necessarily in terms of numbers (though it is...a lot of people are getting married and starting families). Rather, I'm meaning quality. There's a reason a lot of people my age and a little bit older are single at this point, most usually, and it's usually not a good sign. There's another reason to not date. Trying to wade through that pool of potential suitors seems daunting when you know the reason they are probably still single is not of a desirable trait.
Alright so fast forward again, my mother decided that after almost a year-and-a-half of being single, and a year of me not looking at all for dates, and after a year of me professing (yet again....as I have always done when I'm single) that I'm not interested in dating, she set me up on a blind date.
Now hold on a minute....what?! Yes my mother set me up on a blind date. I honestly never thought I'd see the day when that would happen.Nor did I expect it. I came home to my mother getting lunch and she slide a number across the table at me. Jigga what?! Aw hell no! That was my first reaction.
Long story (and amusing for another time) short I gave this mystery man a ring, and we went on a first date.
Pure petrification. I don't think I've been that terrified in awhile. And that's saying something, because I'm pretty nervous and scared every day walking into work or class, not knowing what I will be facing taking care of another patient.
However, I wasn't petrified for too long. Joking, direct questioning, laughing, and some talking later, I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
I got asked on a second date.
Pure nervousness and fear. Really?! He asked me on a second date?! Wow.
The reason I think I was so nervous the second time around is two-fold. He liked me enough to ask me to come out again. That shocked me, just because I wasn't expecting it. Also, it meant that with each time he asks me to see each other again, I become a little more vulnerable to him. That freaks me out. Because being vulnerable to others has gotten me in worlds of trouble.
That's not saying I'm going to flip my hard shell over and just be the belly-side of a starfish, begging to be preyed upon. But it does mean that the massive guards that I have slowly built up have to slowly come down. For the first time in a very long time, I might have to start letting someone in. Because it's who I am on the inside, past those walls, that someone wants to get to know, more than the superficial questions. That's a scary thought for me anymore. That includes an aspect of being vulnerable.
I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, rather facing a realistic possibility. It's really kind of exciting and enthralling really.
With the unexpected, comes the most beautiful experiences :-)
Saturday, May 05, 2012
Tyce & Tenley
My cousin asked me to take their children's pictures. As the one in the family who has a fancy camera, I'm automatically nominated as photographer for most family events. It's a good thing that the reason I even have a fancy camera to begin with is because I'm the one known for taking pictures and am halfway decent at snapping a good photo here and there.
Anywho, I was totally honored when they asked me to take Tyce & Tenley's photos! They haven't had their pictures taken together since Tenley was a month old. And Lisa just said she wanted some cute photos of them together, not in a studio, with all the contrived poses they do there. Thankfully Colorado is the most beautiful place to live and when she offers up that brilliant blue sky and sunshine, you can't ever help but get a good picture!! Here's a few of my favorites. (I can honestly say I don't think I did a half bad job!)
Anywho, I was totally honored when they asked me to take Tyce & Tenley's photos! They haven't had their pictures taken together since Tenley was a month old. And Lisa just said she wanted some cute photos of them together, not in a studio, with all the contrived poses they do there. Thankfully Colorado is the most beautiful place to live and when she offers up that brilliant blue sky and sunshine, you can't ever help but get a good picture!! Here's a few of my favorites. (I can honestly say I don't think I did a half bad job!)
Tyce & Tenley
Tyce enthusiastically chasing butterflies!!
Exploring what's in the water together :-)
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Newest 'Do
I think most everyone has figured out by now that I can't have the same hair color too long without getting bored.
I think what really fueled the fire this time was having been my natural color for so long, coupled with being a part of the Stepford Wives atmosphere that is nursing school. When I got accepted into nursing school I changed my hair color from the blond that I had worked towards back to it's natural dark brunette. Which means that I've been brunette since roughly October.
Then I entered into nursing school and I'm around the same people all the time. Everyone has long hair, natural hair, and I enjoy my short messy do. But everyone has either brunette or blond hair, I wanted something a little different.
So I decided to flirt with red hair :-) And I love it!! I can't wait until we get it to the final color that I'm overall really wanting!!
I think what really fueled the fire this time was having been my natural color for so long, coupled with being a part of the Stepford Wives atmosphere that is nursing school. When I got accepted into nursing school I changed my hair color from the blond that I had worked towards back to it's natural dark brunette. Which means that I've been brunette since roughly October.
Then I entered into nursing school and I'm around the same people all the time. Everyone has long hair, natural hair, and I enjoy my short messy do. But everyone has either brunette or blond hair, I wanted something a little different.
So I decided to flirt with red hair :-) And I love it!! I can't wait until we get it to the final color that I'm overall really wanting!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Emerald Lake - RMNP
This past weekend I got the opportunity to go up to Estes Park with a good nursing school buddy, J and his wife Tricia, and some of their family. We spent the first night hanging out, drinking gimlets and playing Quiddler. Then on Saturday we went hiking up to Emerald Lake.
The hike was SOO amazing. There is absolutely nothing more peaceful or beautiful than hiking through God's creation. There was still snow in the mountains, which I've never hiked in before, and made the hike not only interesting at times but much more adventure-filled and beautiful in its own tranquil way. The most wonderful part of it was that because it was winter, there were less hikers on the trail, especially the higher up we got, which meant at the top we were the only ones there! To have that peace and tranquility, to be the only humans, on top of that serene mountain was wonderful.
At one point, while sitting on a rock and eating my sandwich at the top near Emerald Lake, a bird flew to the tree next to us. He was just as interested in us and we were in him. But his was so majestic. A beautiful royal blue with a breezy mohawk on top.
There are so many reasons why I love Colorado; Rocky Mountain National Park and it's treasures are one of them. Just wish I had more time to go hiking this summer!!
Here's some of my favorite pics from the day.
The hike was SOO amazing. There is absolutely nothing more peaceful or beautiful than hiking through God's creation. There was still snow in the mountains, which I've never hiked in before, and made the hike not only interesting at times but much more adventure-filled and beautiful in its own tranquil way. The most wonderful part of it was that because it was winter, there were less hikers on the trail, especially the higher up we got, which meant at the top we were the only ones there! To have that peace and tranquility, to be the only humans, on top of that serene mountain was wonderful.
At one point, while sitting on a rock and eating my sandwich at the top near Emerald Lake, a bird flew to the tree next to us. He was just as interested in us and we were in him. But his was so majestic. A beautiful royal blue with a breezy mohawk on top.
There are so many reasons why I love Colorado; Rocky Mountain National Park and it's treasures are one of them. Just wish I had more time to go hiking this summer!!
Here's some of my favorite pics from the day.
Nymph Lake (first lake on the hike)
another view of Nymph Lake
some really cool trees :-)
looking back on Nymph Lake after hiking up a ways
a river runs through it
Dream Lake (the second lake on the hike)
Emerald Lake was frozen over!
look at the beautiful bird!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Refurbished Cradle
This past week, I refurbished our old cradle. My brother Marshall and his wife are expecting their firstborn here in ~5 weeks. Baby Thor. We don't know what they are naming their child (it's a surprise) so he will forever be my little Thor :-) Anywho, this is the cradle that my parents had for my brother's Kevan and Reece. After years of it being in storage, with the announcement of the arrival of the first grandchild, it was pulled out. This week I refurbished it. I filled the cracks on top with wood filler, sanded her down, and then stained her.
After hours of sanding, I thought maybe I had the finish off. Alas when I started staining I found out very quickly that I hadn't indeed taken the finish completely off (one can tell this by whether the wood absorbs the stain or rather it gets pushed around and around on top). Either way I found a technique to try to darken the stain without sanding it back down. I'd put the stain on with a foam brush and let it dry for 20 mins, then wipe it off with a clean old rag. The coolest part was that the stain wasn't absorbed well in the bigger areas where I couldn't get the finish off but the edges were well sanded and absorbed the dark stain very well!! Overall the wood looks mismatched which gives it a really cool rustic look. I love the way it turned out!! Now just need to find or make a mattress for it and await Baby Thor's arrival :-)
Workin on the cradle
That sander and I are becoming fast friends!
Wood filler on the cracks
After hours of sanding, I thought maybe I had the finish off. Alas when I started staining I found out very quickly that I hadn't indeed taken the finish completely off (one can tell this by whether the wood absorbs the stain or rather it gets pushed around and around on top). Either way I found a technique to try to darken the stain without sanding it back down. I'd put the stain on with a foam brush and let it dry for 20 mins, then wipe it off with a clean old rag. The coolest part was that the stain wasn't absorbed well in the bigger areas where I couldn't get the finish off but the edges were well sanded and absorbed the dark stain very well!! Overall the wood looks mismatched which gives it a really cool rustic look. I love the way it turned out!! Now just need to find or make a mattress for it and await Baby Thor's arrival :-)
The finished product
The other side of the cradle :-) you can definitely see the contrast
The other projects that I've finished are painting a side table, doing some hand-dipped vases (which by the way, those tutorials on other blogs don't explain just how hard it is to get the paint even and looking nice), and finishing up some decorative pillows.
Next up on my list: refurbish an old highchair, build a baby blanket, and build a vanity!
Post 1st 15 weeks of Nursing School
I sit here writing a week into my two-week break from school. The week has gone by rather too fast but it's also been a very odd week...full of a lot of plans but to be honest I was so used to only having school-related stuff that I had no idea what to do for the first day I was on break.
The first 15 weeks were long, hard, full, and busy. So jam-packed with stuff that I look back amazed at how far we came in that 15 weeks.
My first rotation was Med/Surg...and while I loved the content, I ended up hating the class and had a hard time with my clinicals. My professor ended up having a target on me from the start of my class, and she wasn't the best professor I've ever had. As a matter of fact, I rather have a personal opinion that teaching may not be the realm for her. Someone who likes to tout their credentials, has no idea what they are talking about in some classes, and who passively-aggressively targets students (all still while touting her "Christian" faith) isn't suited for a classroom, let alone one that should be safe and supportive for future professionals in the field!! Regardless, I came out of the class with a B, which is pretty damn good if I do say so myself.
I did find at the end of the 15 weeks that I really just needed a break. As someone who loves peace, calm, serenity, and positivity, I started finding myself becoming rather frustrated and aghast at the amount of stress and frazzled-ness that people in this program exert. I have a hard time being too worked up and stressed out all the time, and being so consumed in that culture was becoming overbearing. I have a hard time taking most things in life too seriously, as an end-all to everything, that I just was burnt out. I needed to get away from that scene, away from the people that became the only people who ever saw me.
On top of that, my confidence was shot at the end. Between my professor finding ways to passively-aggressively belittle me and feeling like a failure at clinicals half the time, I found much excitement in getting away from that all!!
And I have thoroughly enjoyed the past week!! I changed up my hair (I couldn't handle feeling like a stepford wife anymore in the sea that is nursing school students), I hiked, and I've worked on some projects! This next week is full of taking pictures, more projects, and socializing :-)
I refurbished the cradle for my brother's baby on the way, finished some pillows...next on the docket: a baby blanket, the high chair, and building a vanity!!
I'm using these two weeks to getting back to who I am, what makes me happy, and what is important in my life. Because I'm here to tell you, being a nurse is not my defining factor! No, what makes my life important and beautiful is the people in it, how hard I work, and appreciating the simple things. There's so much beauty that I can't possibly let nursing school be the end-all and only.
Because I'm having a hard time sitting still, this is all for this post...onward to getting more things achieved for now!
The first 15 weeks were long, hard, full, and busy. So jam-packed with stuff that I look back amazed at how far we came in that 15 weeks.
My first rotation was Med/Surg...and while I loved the content, I ended up hating the class and had a hard time with my clinicals. My professor ended up having a target on me from the start of my class, and she wasn't the best professor I've ever had. As a matter of fact, I rather have a personal opinion that teaching may not be the realm for her. Someone who likes to tout their credentials, has no idea what they are talking about in some classes, and who passively-aggressively targets students (all still while touting her "Christian" faith) isn't suited for a classroom, let alone one that should be safe and supportive for future professionals in the field!! Regardless, I came out of the class with a B, which is pretty damn good if I do say so myself.
I did find at the end of the 15 weeks that I really just needed a break. As someone who loves peace, calm, serenity, and positivity, I started finding myself becoming rather frustrated and aghast at the amount of stress and frazzled-ness that people in this program exert. I have a hard time being too worked up and stressed out all the time, and being so consumed in that culture was becoming overbearing. I have a hard time taking most things in life too seriously, as an end-all to everything, that I just was burnt out. I needed to get away from that scene, away from the people that became the only people who ever saw me.
On top of that, my confidence was shot at the end. Between my professor finding ways to passively-aggressively belittle me and feeling like a failure at clinicals half the time, I found much excitement in getting away from that all!!
And I have thoroughly enjoyed the past week!! I changed up my hair (I couldn't handle feeling like a stepford wife anymore in the sea that is nursing school students), I hiked, and I've worked on some projects! This next week is full of taking pictures, more projects, and socializing :-)
I refurbished the cradle for my brother's baby on the way, finished some pillows...next on the docket: a baby blanket, the high chair, and building a vanity!!
I'm using these two weeks to getting back to who I am, what makes me happy, and what is important in my life. Because I'm here to tell you, being a nurse is not my defining factor! No, what makes my life important and beautiful is the people in it, how hard I work, and appreciating the simple things. There's so much beauty that I can't possibly let nursing school be the end-all and only.
Because I'm having a hard time sitting still, this is all for this post...onward to getting more things achieved for now!
Friday, April 13, 2012
A Day Spent in the OR
Grey's Anatomy. ER. Even House.
All shows that enact surgery. All shows that more often than not get some of the most critical life-saving procedures WAY wrong!! (Don't even get me started on how they do CPR on any show or movie...) And while they do have some semblance of accuracy, I'm here to tell you that most everything in the healthcare profession doesn't happen like it does on the shows.
Ok, ok, ok...some things are accurate. Like subsisting on coffee, the opportunity for romance (though more often than not, there's not a lot of romance going on), and the bonus' of wearing scrubs can hold true. They do show some pretty schnazzy healthcare technology. But real life does not happen like it does in the movies or on shows.
However, I did get the opportunity to spend the day in the OR on Wednesday. And it was FANTASTIC!! I actually don't have very much interest in surgery in terms of I've always liked interacting with others. I love watching surgeries on www.orlive.com but didn't think I'd actually like the surgical atmosphere. However, I can say, I thoroughly enjoyed my day in the surgical units!!
I started off my morning at 6:45am, true to normal form. I had to change into surgical scrubs. Think the oh-so-fantastically flattering blue scrubs on Grey's Anatomy. Only our scrubs are not made to fit to our bodies. They are a one-cut fits all and either your ass fits in them or not! So here I was in the OR, wearing blue surgical scrubs, blue booties and the wonderful blue hair mesh cap thing. As you can imagine, I was the epitome of surgical beauty ;-) HA! Just kidding.
Anywho, I got to spend the day in OR 6 with the same surgical team through all three of their cases. Same surgeon, same assistant, same circulating nurse, and same scrub tech. The nurse was AWESOME, the assistant was AWESOME, the scrub tech was FUNNY, and the surgeon was AMAZING!
Unlike most surgeons (for any of those of you who have spent any amount of time in a hospital and talked to surgeons, they are just a whole different breed), the surgeon I was with was very laid-back, personable, and friendly. She had a great sense of humor and was so human. You don't get that very often in surgeons!
The first case was a gastrectomy. The pt had a mass in his stomach, which was actually benign, but causing stomach problems. It's better to remove a mass if possible than allow it to sit and possibly metastasize (if it turns malignant) and cause an upset in homeostasis and comfort. So the surgeon went in and removed part of his stomach. Then she let me play with the mass. She showed me where the spleen sat in the stomach, I glimpsed the liver and the pancreas and saw the pinkish texture of the stomach. Once I opened up the part of the stomach that was removed I got to see the mucosal lining of the stomach...SO awesome!!
The entire surgery was probably about 1.5 hours. Turn over the room.
The second surgery was an explorative laparotomy. Basically the pt had presented to the ER with a bunch of pain in the abdominal area. Upon dx testing, xrays showed his intestines were partially twisted. Once opened up, the surgeon found a section of the intestines that was red and swollen (no bueno...pink = good, red & swollen = unhealthy tissue, close to bursting which would lead to peritonitus which would lead to sepsis = NO BUENO). She removed that part of the intestines and again I got to squish them!! So cool.
That surgery took about 45 minutes. Turn over the room.
The last surgery was a laparascopic cholectomy (aka removal of the gallbladder without opening up the pt). SO cool!! The surgeon walked me through the whole procedure. I got to see the liver, pancreas, stomach and of course gall bladder. I watched as she pointed out the common duct (which supplies bile to/from the gallbladder/liver/etc). I watched as she separated the gallbladder from it's home on the liver and extracted it via a tiny tube.
That surgery took about 45 minutes. Done by 1330!
The anesthesiologist was SO awesome and laid-back. He walked me through everything he was doing and even allowed me to help intubate the first patient. SOO amazing!!
What a great experience :-) Who woulda thunk a day in the OR would be so awesome!!
Now just need to go watch a brain and/or heart surgery and I'll be such a happy lady :-)
All shows that enact surgery. All shows that more often than not get some of the most critical life-saving procedures WAY wrong!! (Don't even get me started on how they do CPR on any show or movie...) And while they do have some semblance of accuracy, I'm here to tell you that most everything in the healthcare profession doesn't happen like it does on the shows.
Ok, ok, ok...some things are accurate. Like subsisting on coffee, the opportunity for romance (though more often than not, there's not a lot of romance going on), and the bonus' of wearing scrubs can hold true. They do show some pretty schnazzy healthcare technology. But real life does not happen like it does in the movies or on shows.
However, I did get the opportunity to spend the day in the OR on Wednesday. And it was FANTASTIC!! I actually don't have very much interest in surgery in terms of I've always liked interacting with others. I love watching surgeries on www.orlive.com but didn't think I'd actually like the surgical atmosphere. However, I can say, I thoroughly enjoyed my day in the surgical units!!
I started off my morning at 6:45am, true to normal form. I had to change into surgical scrubs. Think the oh-so-fantastically flattering blue scrubs on Grey's Anatomy. Only our scrubs are not made to fit to our bodies. They are a one-cut fits all and either your ass fits in them or not! So here I was in the OR, wearing blue surgical scrubs, blue booties and the wonderful blue hair mesh cap thing. As you can imagine, I was the epitome of surgical beauty ;-) HA! Just kidding.
Anywho, I got to spend the day in OR 6 with the same surgical team through all three of their cases. Same surgeon, same assistant, same circulating nurse, and same scrub tech. The nurse was AWESOME, the assistant was AWESOME, the scrub tech was FUNNY, and the surgeon was AMAZING!
Unlike most surgeons (for any of those of you who have spent any amount of time in a hospital and talked to surgeons, they are just a whole different breed), the surgeon I was with was very laid-back, personable, and friendly. She had a great sense of humor and was so human. You don't get that very often in surgeons!
The first case was a gastrectomy. The pt had a mass in his stomach, which was actually benign, but causing stomach problems. It's better to remove a mass if possible than allow it to sit and possibly metastasize (if it turns malignant) and cause an upset in homeostasis and comfort. So the surgeon went in and removed part of his stomach. Then she let me play with the mass. She showed me where the spleen sat in the stomach, I glimpsed the liver and the pancreas and saw the pinkish texture of the stomach. Once I opened up the part of the stomach that was removed I got to see the mucosal lining of the stomach...SO awesome!!
The entire surgery was probably about 1.5 hours. Turn over the room.
The second surgery was an explorative laparotomy. Basically the pt had presented to the ER with a bunch of pain in the abdominal area. Upon dx testing, xrays showed his intestines were partially twisted. Once opened up, the surgeon found a section of the intestines that was red and swollen (no bueno...pink = good, red & swollen = unhealthy tissue, close to bursting which would lead to peritonitus which would lead to sepsis = NO BUENO). She removed that part of the intestines and again I got to squish them!! So cool.
That surgery took about 45 minutes. Turn over the room.
The last surgery was a laparascopic cholectomy (aka removal of the gallbladder without opening up the pt). SO cool!! The surgeon walked me through the whole procedure. I got to see the liver, pancreas, stomach and of course gall bladder. I watched as she pointed out the common duct (which supplies bile to/from the gallbladder/liver/etc). I watched as she separated the gallbladder from it's home on the liver and extracted it via a tiny tube.
That surgery took about 45 minutes. Done by 1330!
The anesthesiologist was SO awesome and laid-back. He walked me through everything he was doing and even allowed me to help intubate the first patient. SOO amazing!!
What a great experience :-) Who woulda thunk a day in the OR would be so awesome!!
Now just need to go watch a brain and/or heart surgery and I'll be such a happy lady :-)
Saturday, April 07, 2012
Are we there yet?!
Rarely an extra minute anymore to simply stop and think anymore. Accelerated is an understatement right now of the nursing program.
I can't help but count down the days until our first break. Two weeks! Two weeks and I can sleep in and not worry about anything being due currently. Wowsers. Talk about a crazy 13 weeks it's been.
My latest adventures have been in the world of Med/Surg clinicals. Actually not so much adventures. More just crazy chaotic stress. But I will update about that in a couple weeks. For now, just a couple pictures that speak louder than words about what's going on in my world.
I can't help but count down the days until our first break. Two weeks! Two weeks and I can sleep in and not worry about anything being due currently. Wowsers. Talk about a crazy 13 weeks it's been.
My latest adventures have been in the world of Med/Surg clinicals. Actually not so much adventures. More just crazy chaotic stress. But I will update about that in a couple weeks. For now, just a couple pictures that speak louder than words about what's going on in my world.
My favorite part of work is watching the helis...
Only those in my program understand this...just because I started in Med/Surg does not mean I'm any smarter!! Just the luck of the draw for my tract...
This is becoming more and more how I feel as we get closer to our break....
Wine is SERIOUSLY becoming my best friend and stress reliever....mmmm.....
Just so exhaustipated...
It's officially spring...if I've jacked up my foot it means spring has officially sprung...also think I broke my pinky toe, it no longer moves properly
the glove of MRSA!!
poster boards are the new notecards
just a friendly reminder on the door every morning as we head out to clinicals...Kenny Powers!!
Update to come in a few weeks!! Catch ya on the flip side!
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