Reupholstered Chair

I finished another DIY project...I upholstered the chair that came with my desk. For this project, I was originally going to sand and stain the wood, and simply replace the fabric. HA! For the frame, I decided to steel wool it and then spray paint it with a darker brown matte spraypaint. When I took the fabric off the seat, I realized the original fabric was also still on it, underneath the ugly plaid (it was an even uglier orange). I also realized that when someone had reupholstered and reapplied the chair bottom, the screw holes were side by side, leaving me with a high chance of stripping the screw holes and/or splitting the old wood. Therefore my dad helped to trace out a new bottom on which we got new foam, and cut a new funky indoor/outdoor fabric I scooped up from Joann fabrics. Here's the pics of the process and final product :-) 

the chair before

 spray painting the frame

 fabric and new chair bottom

 chair bottom once finished upholstering

 trying to get a shot of the spraypaint finish

 the finished chair!

 did i mention it was a folding chair?!!?

Saying Toute A' Leure

Today wasn't the funnest day at work that I've ever had...but not for the reasons one would expect.

Today was my last day working down in Correctional Care Medical Facility as my boss hired me intermittently on unit 5A while in school, instead of intermittently on our unit. See, I still see it as my unit.

But that's what it's become. I threw myself head-first into work, with it becoming a huge part of my life. I made it a fun place to be, and developed relationships very quickly with all the staff. I relied on my Sheriff's every day and my co-workers, finding enjoyment in building relationships in which I could laugh and joke with them, have a sense of trust and comraderie.

And today was my last day, with me having to say good-bye to the Sheriff's who have supported me and joked with me and my co-workers who have challenged me and helped me.

It was so bittersweet. I know I'm taking steps forward but that doesn't mean I don't still glance behind and miss those that I've become close with. Hugging the Sheriff's and my co-workers bye today made my heart sink. I've been fighting back tears all day long.

What can I say?! I'm such a girl.

I already miss my Sheriff's...I miss Doc spilling trivia, The General howling and playing country music, Fish willingly opening doors while pretending to trip me, Ray giving his goofy smile and playing the grumpy one, Lee telling me I need to get to work, Kiger expecting me to pay up on unfulfilled bets, and Rodart yelling "yo Adrian".

I miss my charge nurses asking me to take vitals and joking with me about random patient care.

I know I'll have that on the other unit but Correctional Care became my home. It's hard saying good-bye to what became my comfort zone and my home.

So I cry.

I guess that's what happened when you get attached...

My Finished Side Tables!

I finally finished my side tables!! It took me awhile thanks to doing a bunch of killer overtime. However, I finally have them (almost completely) finished! Here's some pics of the process :-)

The only thing left is the polyurethane coat on top to protect in case drinks or whatever are placed on it. But they are currently in the garage drying. Once they are in use I'll take a pic and show what they look like actually being put to use but that will have to wait until I move to my new place. I have quite a few other projects I'm working on. I'll post those once I have finished :-)

"You Are The Perfect Match"

On Wednesday December 14th I got a call from a lady at the bone marrow donation....the basic introductory name and where she's calling from, tagged along with she needed to talk to me about my blood samples, and then followed by the words "you are the perfect match for the donor".

FANTASTIC!!!

Since then, I have signed all the paperwork, found out more about the exact procedure I'll be doing, and today I had my physical/first appt for the procedure.

Here's what I know. I'm donating to a lady with acute leukemia, and I am taking part of a research study as I am not doing bone marrow donation, as in someone sticking a huge needle in my hip. I am doing what is known as PBSC donation. I will be injected with a chemical hormone that will stimulate my immune system to ramp up and produce lots of bone-making stem cells, WBC's, etc. I do those for five days and on the fifth day I go through a procedure known as apheresis. It will take approximately 5-6 hours. I'll be hooked up to a machine that is much like a hemodialysis machine, in which my blood will exit via one arm, go through a machine which will filter out the PBSC products, and then put my blood back in my body.

It will be painful in a way, as the injections will produce flu-like symptoms, and then having huge needles in my arms for 5 hours or more is not fun, but if that's all I have to endure to save a life, I'm going for it!!

So excited...and nervous....to do this donation.

I donate Jan 13th. In one week I'll start nursing school and donate bone marrow. What a week that will be!!

@update

It's amazing how times flies and just HOW much we can fit into smaller units of time. Life is...unspeakably busy and chaotic...and beautiful. Trying to cherish my life but when there's so much shoved into it, it's just flying by.

The latest updates:

1. I signed the lease on the apartment I'll be sharing with 3 other accelerated students...agh!! So crazy and exciting and nerve-wracking. All at once.

2. I have most everything figured out for nursing school...but still have to buy books. And it starts in about 3.5 weeks. Somebody please pinch me. That's way too soon!! And in less than a year I'll be done with nursing school. Ridic.

3. I am working on the side tables with my dad...all that's left is staining them (picture post to come soon).

4. I'm working crazy amounts of overtime. As in, working almost every day. Hence why I haven't been able to finish projects, post anything about life, or get anything done that I need to get done. Great for extra dough, tough on the sleep schedule, stress that I have, and overcommitment tendencies that I have. But the big boss called in a favor...couldn't say no.

5. I'm a bone marrow donor match!! I'll be donating sometime halfway through January!!

So much to do, so little time, so many emotions I'm loving and ignoring. Ah, isn't life bliss?!?! :-)

It's the Season for Giving

My cell phone is constantly on silent or MIA anymore.

Since I started my job at Denver Health in April, I went from being completely reliant on my phone (was on my person at all times and every notification had a different ringtone, etc) to learning that being disconnected can sometimes be a beautiful thing. Training at nights, I learned how to become disconnected from being immediately available and since then I've transitioned to it being a habit that even when I'm not at work, it's on silent or not within reach most of the time as I don't need to be instantly available and I really just don't need to be that connected.

The only downfall, is I miss calls all the time. Which is why I always tell people, if I don't answer - and I probably won't, even if I look at my phone - then leave a message.

I walked out of class on Tuesday to see I had a missed call from a number I didn't know AND a voice message. Intrigued as I don't get many calls period, let alone from random numbers, I listened to the voicemail and got super excited!

Two years ago I signed up for the bone marrow registry. I've always been of the mindset that as long as my body is capable that I should use it to help others. I have been an organ donor since I got my driving learners permit and have donated time and money to several foundations/charities/etc. When I found the bone marrow registry it only made sense that I should offer a sample and be on the registry to help out others. I mean, it's bone marrow, it's not like donating a full-blown organ; it regenerates itself and I'm mostly healthy so it only makes sense!!

Fast forward to Tuesday and I got a lovely voicemail from a woman named Rose from the registry saying that my sample was a potential match!! She asked if I would be willing to continue with the process to see if we truly were a match and then proceed with the donation.

I never expected that I would actually get this call, though I hoped I would, as matching someone else is quite difficult.

Next tuesday I go in to give a blood sample and submit a full health questionnaire. In the sample I provided several years ago they match 6 markers. Once that match is found they call the donor in for a blood sample (as the first sample was a series of cheek swabs) to test for a full set of 10 markers and to see how the donor & recipient's blood interact. If that proves successful, then we start making plans for the donation process itself! Here's to hoping I am indeed a match and can help the health of another individual. By simply giving some of my bone marrow, I could help save a life :-) If I am I'll tell more about the donation process itself!

If you are interested in bone marrow donation, simply go to this link:
Be The Match

It's a simple process to sign up to be on the registry. You simply fill out some brief contact information and do a quick, simple series of cheek swabs. It takes a whole five minutes and you could potentially be somebody's match :-)

Next DIY Project

My dad came home with a really sweet DIY project idea...and he's been chomping at the bit to actually do it!! So despite my crazy busy life and the three other projects I have to do as well, he decided we needed to go get the stuff for this project from Lowe's today.

Lowe's & Home Depot (though huge corporation stores and thus not my fav) have become hot spots for me lately.

Here's the project!! (and of course I'll post pics once it's done)

Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving came...and went...pretty fast this year!! It was a great day, with all of us together. As that sort of opportunity becomes even more scarce, it's always a great time to get everyone together and take family pictures :-)

After some baking but before gorging ourselves, we set out on the adventure of getting a family photo. From all the craziness, here are my favs!!

Mom and Dad

Kevan and Lily

Marshall and Jenni

My Brothers

the original four

a fun one

Family Foto

fun family photo!

After the day spent eating and conversating, I headed to work and spent the night with my Sheriff's taking care of prisoners. Just another Thanksgiving for the books. Onwards to Christmas!

DIY Me #1

So I have been in a very DIY mood lately. I've cleaned my parents house, been working on baking, started several projects, and started revamping furniture for my room makeover (which won't be complete until I move next month). However, I will say I am but a mere amateur in the world of DIY in some aspects but I am having a blast having fun with these little projects I am taking on!!

I baked five loaves of banana bread the other day, tonight I baked two pumpkin rolls (all the extra is to take to work for my co-workers and the Sheriff's), and I'm still trying to figure out what else to help cook for Thanksgiving.

As far as labor projects, I finished Desk #1 and repainted my lamp. I need to figure out some cute details to add to the lamp but as of right now, I'm not quite sure what to add to it!! But alas here are the pictures of my desk and lamp (before and after). I have another desk, a chair and a high chair all in the works to get done. All thrift store (or free on the side of the road) finds that I need to get done!!

Desk after sanding

 Desk after staining!

 love the imperfection of my sanding job!

 lamp before paint

 lamp after painting base grey...any ideas for fun detailing?!?! 

As I keep getting projects done, I'll keep uploading them. Onto the next thing!!

Newest Goals

You know how we all go through those little personal ruts in life?! Well maybe it's only me who goes through those fairly often. And they aren't really ruts so much as they are times that I find myself unhappy with one trait or another about myself. Especially when I feel like I'm being pulled down from being in a cheery state.

Well I have felt as though my optimistic attitude was being jaded a little and I hated that. Immensely. There is no reason not to be happy. We all have to live so why not make it a blessed, fun, and happy existence. It's your life. It's what you make it. And we all have to work. So why not love your job and make it a fun place to be?!

Well, I felt like some negativity was getting to me. And I found myself in a rut. I found that I was complaining more than usual, which just spread some negativity around me naturally. I also found that my gossiping was just getting too out of control for my taste.

So here are my newest goals, and I've been working pretty diligently on them and trying to be very conscious and very aware of my actions and my mouth:

1. To stop complaining - really why complain?! It's just bitching, only whinier, which is annoying and just makes you sound immature and people don't want to hear you complain.

2. To stop talking bad about people - there's a difference between stating facts and bad-mouthing. It's a fine line but I'm trying very hard to find that line. Especially on my unit (correctional care) where you deal with behaviorial issues such as manipulation and mind games every day at work. I'm having to learn to way to find a balance between them.

3. To stop cussing - I will never fully eliminate cussing. It's just way too engrained in my language. However, I have almost eliminated the "eff" word...unless I'm really "effing" pissed. The sad thing is that it's just a perfect word for every situation and can be used in every way. I'm trying really hard to not ever use it...at least in certain settings where it can be reflective of me...in ways that I don't want it to be.

4. To keep my positive attitude, despite the world's attempts to jade and beat me down. I don't have to "grow up" to be grumpy and negative. I hope to never be. So I wish people would stop trying to convince me of how much life will jade me. I'm working towards it not!! I love life too much!! And why ever be miserable?! Life is too short and holds FAR too much beauty to waste it on the negative...

HGTV!!

So I found a new form of crack...well a few.

I LOVE designing and creating and redo-ing and making things come back to life! Which means that I find inspiration and get ideas all over the place and have way too many projects going.

Well I found the world of HGTV! This channel previously held no value for me when I was younger but the shows that are on it now...oh Lord have mercy!! House Hunters (International even!), room makeover shows, Curb Appeal, etc. LOVE!!

And if you've never checked out www.apartmenttherapy.com you HAVE to!! It's filled with SO much inspiration and stores and wowsers!!

So now my biggest itch in life is the need, desire, want to re-design and re-do my whole life basically. It's like crack to me. And I'm doing it!!

Since I'm moving in a month I'm redo-ing part of my life. Gonna order a new bedspread, paint my dresser/nightstand/lamp, go find a desk at a thrift store and make it fun and cute and make some pillows. Oh here we go!!

I LOVE design and new projects!! Hopefully this time I can finish my projects :-)

A Case of the Mondays

Do you ever have days that you feel whimsical? Like nothing could touch you?

Without reason, without cause, do you ever wake up...and despite everything else going on...and feel as though nothing can touch you? Your mood is just that light and that (for lake of a better word) untouchable?

Doubts can fill your every neural crevice..and yet somehow, there are those days, where you wake up and when you look in the mirror, you don't see every nit-picked flaw and "undesirable" personality trait...but rather when you look in the mirror that morning, you can't help but love the person you are, what you aren't, and everything in between. All of a sudden those imperfections don't matter. All those things in life that have weighed heavy on you are sitting in the corner of the area cowering, even if only temporarily.

These days of relief, of unwarranted and unexpected confidence, and sweet relief of oneself are days I treasure.

Monday just happened to be one of those days.

Those calm days where my heart rests a bit lighter are few and far in between sometimes. Playing my own worst critic, I am grateful for the days that I wake up and am not consumed with thoughts of anxiousness over everything, rather I know for certain all is well and all will work out.

Something about Monday afternoon reaffirmed my value as a person.

Though I doubt that sometimes, there are days where I know my worth is incalcuable via mortal terms and is sacred in eternal terms. I just have to be reminded of that from time to time. And when I am, my anxious heart goes calm.

Doubts and fears still exist, for very good reason, but that doesn't matter, because in the end my worth is measured in something much greater than us humans. Mortals cannot make me feel inferior without consent...Monday I remembered I was giving consent to be made feel less than I should be. Yet Monday, God gave me a day of peace. A day to clear the fog and remember, I am a woman to be treasured and a power to be reckoned with.

Just another case of the Mondays for me...

May Today There Be Peace Within

May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

[Mother Theresa]

Health as a Community

Though I am getting ready to venture into the world of nursing and western healthcare, I am learning more and more some of the qualms I have with western medicine.

Don't get me wrong. The United States is renowned for their acute healthcare abilities. But we practice and propagate sick care, not health care. The United States is not known for prevention, rather for treating once we are sick.

When it comes to health care, the biggest question for me is just because we can, or just because we have the capabilities, should we?

I have a dual approach to health care. I believe in education and prevention. I believe in taking from the earth, and following the natural practices that have worked for thousands of years. I believe in being resourceful and adequate, yet being lean and efficient. And I recognize the need for advanced health care and its benefits. But there comes a point where just because we can, should we? Should we save neonates at 20 weeks and should we prolong the end of life, simply because we can? Should we continue to cure cancer? Or is disease the earth's way of controlling our increasing overpopulation?

Healthcare in America focuses on patient autonomy and the individual. In a world of private insurance (don't even get me started on all that venture), we deny universal health care access yet expect to emphasis individualization and equality.

It's all a catch-22. The healthcare field is not black or white, but a million shades of grey.

In my bioethics book, we are reading about health care, ethics, environment, and sustainability. I strive to be a green person. I wish more of us did. But I enjoyed the following passage that addressed the need to view healthcare not as belonging to an individual, but health as a membership in a community:

"Potter was strongly influenced by ecologist Aldo Leopold and geneticist C.H. Waddington. For Leopold, land was a collective organism - not merely soil, but a "fountain of energy flowing through a circuit of soils, plants, and animals." People, he said, are "plain members of the biotic community." Leopold argued that a thing was right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability, and beauty of the biotic community. It was wrong when it did otherwise. He thought that ethics and beauty should play an important role in deciding how to live on the earth."

"It is increasingly clear that the world of the twenty-first century requires a new bioethic that bilds on and recontextualizes twentieth century medical and public health ethics. Ethics may embody what we believe and value, but surely must also be informed by what we know to be true. If people are to survive on earth with lives of quality, all institutional sectors, including health care and public health, will need to take a hard look at objective wisdom, give moral consideration to entire ecosocial systems as well as their human participants. A new bioethic will emphasize interdependence and interconnectedness, duties and responsibilities as well as rights, and will celebrate humans as members of complex communities. The alternative is to plan for a past that no longer exists, while ignoring a future that will not be denied."
-Ted Schettler Toward an Ecological View of Health: An Imperative for the Twenty-First Century

I think that our healthcare system would highly benefit if we started looking at it from a community perspective, not from the perspective of "every man for himself." For when we look at healthcare, we look at the whole person. It's not an isolated and personal possession, but rather is something that connects us with others. Wendell Berry (in his essay Health Is Membership) says, "I believe that community - in the fullest sense: a place and all its creatures - is the smallest unit of health and that to speak of the health of an isolated individual is a contradiction in terms." We can't ignore the problems that exist within a community, let alone the health of a community. So why do we? Why do we treat it as an individual event when part of what makes us healthy isn't simply the non-existence of disease but our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being as well...all of which are shaped by the community within which we live?!

Urbane Living

I don't get the chance to hop behind my camera too much...mainly because I don't find things too exciting in my life to photograph and I haven't been in the habit of having my camera on me so much lately. But one day I had my camera and was bored while staying at my friend Eamonn's. He lives in the Wash Park area, which is a hipster-ish wonderful neighborhood that's permanently stuck in the 70's-ish. It's wonderful and so urbane it's not even funny. So I decided to document my evening one night while making macaroni. I know right?! Not too exciting but I had a little bit o fun with it :-)

I need to get behind my camera more often....felt good to just take pictures of mundane and dull stuff. Welcome to my free time ;-)

Auntie Nic

The past two weeks at work have been so crazy. Quite literally! Our psych patients are keeping me on my toes. It's frustrating and stressful....and makes me laugh so intensely hard at times at the ridiculousness that can be my job. I come home at night and it's all I can do to change into sweats before crashing into bed head first some days.

I came home friday night, absolutely exhausted, but trying to be in a chipper mood as I knew my brother and sister-in-law were there for dinner. I came in, said hello, and asked what sort of pies my sister-in-law was making and in answer my brother placed an ultrasound into my hands simultaneously saying "You're going to be an aunt...we're pregnant."

In all my infinite wisdom I said congratulations....and when they asked me if I was excited my response was "It's a little blob!" Great answer Nicole!

Not quite the most excited response I've ever given...and that's probably a mistake. I know I probably should have responded better but my processing is a bit slow. I won't really fully process it until she starts showing.

But I'm going to be an aunt!! While I'm still really unsure whether I want to be a mom one day or not, I LOVE kids and I can't wait to spoil my future nephews/nieces! I love babies and can't wait to rock the little one in my arms, and watch him/her grow, and laugh/smile, etc. I can't wait!!

I am: enough. Enough: am I?

Why do I always seem to lose myself amidst the chaos? I've learned over and over again not to get too caught up in certain things, because when I do I start to lose myself. And then I find myself feeling a little lost again. But here I sit, and I find myself feeling a little lost, and I'm wondering why again this has happened. Sometimes it's mental.

I think part of it just has to do with being my age and being young. Because I feel it seems to be a theme for people my age. I think it's so easy to do when one looks at the expectations the world places on you, the expectations parents place on you, the expectations you place on yourself, and then allowing yourself to dream, and the extra little spice of life called reality that, though somewhat controllable, is always unpredictable.

Nursing school starts in 2 months. My anxiousness and excitement is remarkable. But also remarkable is the amount of self-doubt and self-questioning that always seem to make their way in. My biggest fear?! Failure. Although can I really fail?!

To head my own advice yesterday at work: I'd rather swing and strike out, then never step up to the plate at all. So why is my fear of stepping up to the plate so intense right now? Why do I always doubt myself so? I think my low batting average might have something to do with that. But my batting average can't get better if I simply allow myself to not step up to the plate.

Part of it is wanting to find my niche, in some way shape or form. I feel on a large part I don't have a niche, a place, a purpose. I'm looking for something to be my niche. And I know that they say when you stop looking for something is about the time you find it. But why stop looking? That somehow translates in my brain to give up hope and to stop caring, to become complacent. And that's exactly what I don't want to be.

I want to be happy. I want to be passionate. I want to love.

Besides that I don't know what I want. But I do know that I yearn to be enough, I yearn to be good. I yearn to shine. I yearn to be noticed. I yearn to be missed and important.

And in a lot of ways I don't feel that. And my fear is that nursing school will once again be one arena where I don't find a niche, find a way to be good, to be enough, to be important.

Or do I just constantly expect too much of myself?

Work, while I love it, has me jaded. It never ceases to amaze me how many people hate their job. And when everyone hates their job or is so glum it brings me down. I'm jaded on the attitude others have about being at work. Work is a large part of my life, because I have not much time to socialize with others and am broke, it's where I receive most of my interaction anymore outside of family. So when it's negative, that's weighty. I'm jaded on co-workers who aren't positive. And I'm jaded on the manipulation and negotiation that has come with my psych patients the past two weeks. It's tiring. And right now. I'd just like to take care of and give to someone who isn't out for some alterior motive, who isn't trying to take advantage of me, and be quick to be accusatory towards me and make simple basic care so damn difficult.

I've noticed I give so much of my energy to my surroundings, but have such a small supportive system, that I don't get positive energy fed back to me. Friends have become very distant lately, my family has so much stress and other focuses, and my social interaction comes from co-workers. I'm not being fed. The past couple weeks have been strenuous. And I'm not being given into, and all the while, giving my energy to others. I need to be filled. And I'm not.

It's become difficult. I just need some rejuvenation, support and reassurance.

But maybe I just need to find a way to pull that from within and stop whining.

It's my goal this next month to focus on myself and get myself not so lost. To become confident with where I'm at and not at once again. To come back to center and try to calm my nerves before the next crazy year I'm about to ensue on. Build up my confidence reservoir.

I am: enough.

However on a positive note, my brother and sister-in-law are expecting. I will be an aunt in June. Hopefully I can be a great aunt! Jenni wants me to be at the birth to photograph the experience. I pray that God will allow me that small miracle to be there so that I can partake in that blessing. We'll see what happens!

So much more on my mind, but for now I'm going to immerse myself in an old guilty pleasure I haven't immersed myself in for quite awhile. Since Halloween is tomorrow, I'm going to fall asleep to a horror movie. Old nightmares, is it time we say hello again?!

FALL-ing into place

Colorado, you are very so very mysterious. I love this about you! However, no matter how long I’ve lived here it never makes it any less puzzling. Mysteriously beautiful. Which is why you chose to pretty much keep summer around so long. However you decided it’s ok for mornings to continue getting colder…which is quite convenient for my 6:30am walk to work!

But alas, here comes fall, more like winter. Still refuse to give up my flip-flops!

Speaking of fall, some things are falling in place. I was able to secure all the funding I need for the first 1/3 of next year!! Yes!! And yes I did just say it’s only the first 1/3 of the year that I got funding for. I have to wait until the next FAFSA period to get the other 2/3 but hey, for now I’ll take it!!

I’m moving into a townhouse with 3 other students, which I think is for the best. Hopefully it proves to be a good environment and fruitful and supportive for me. I think it will and you know what, I’ll make it that way for sure!

I’m getting very nervous and very excited! Very anxious. Some days I think I might be crazy and some days I think I’m completely sane. Either way, things are falling into place and it’s reassuring that for some reason it is!

So here’s fall, and with only 3 more months left til school starts, I hope more things continue to keep falling into place

Pre-Nursing Gear Up

Wowee!!

I sit here slightly freaking out, in both good and slightly anxious ways.

In roughly 2.5 months I start the most exciting adventure of my life to date...the adventure of nursing school, the adventure of the accelerated nursing program. One year of nothing but nursing school. Ok that's an exaggeration. There will be other things included in there, but nursing school is going to dominate.

It's going to be crazy, chaotic, intense, thrilling, challenging, stressful, blissful, scary, wonderful, and quite consuming. I couldn't be more excited and scared at the same time!

Preparation for the program is incredibly involved. After graduating with my first bachelor's I knew I'd be going through this process of gearing back up. But the last time around I wasn't gearing up and making preparations for a whole year of my life, (rather stretched out into 4 years), a whole year in which all of the education and experience would be packed into! But here I sit and here I marvel at what's unfolding.

Loan processing is still in the works. I have half of the funding for the first 1/3 of the year (why yes, isn't that slightly confusing) and am waiting for the approval for the second half of the funding I need. Hopefully the loans get approved!! They need to in order to start the program! I have scrubs taken care of, and the stethoscope part of it is still being figured out. Luckily I already have great shoes from working in the hospital so that expense is taken care of.

Housing is dependent upon loans but miraculously God is providing an avenue that if fruitful will allow me and three other accelerated students to room together in a townhouse close to campus. Not only will it make it more convenient for travel and gas expenses, but the support system of living with three other individuals who are going through the same thing I'm going through is invaluable. Not to mention convenient studying partners! Again it's all dependent upon my loans getting approved but God-willing it will work out.

Most of my pre-licensure stuff is taken care of, short the drug screen and the background check. The drug test will get taken care of on thursday and the background check will be initiated next month when I have more funds available to do so.

Once those are taken care of, the biggest things to take care of are making sure the loans go through, to get the housing, move into the apartment, and buy my books. Sounds so easy but I'm completely type A and freaking that I don't have more "for-sure" answers figured out.

But I keep reminding myself, God will provide if this is really meant to be. And selfishly I hope so. My dream is so close I can taste it!

While I'm not a fan of putting myself into so much debt, I haven't found any other way. Here's my dream...hopefully I can run full force ahead and make my dream a reality...and use it to pursue other dreams.

So much to do, so little time. Full throttle ahead.

Music Within

I sit here watching this movie called Music Within. It’s the story of Richard Pimental who was a public speaker who, having become deaf via the Vietnam War, turns into an advocate of sorts for the disabled community. He was a prominent driving force behind the Disability Acts that were enacted in the 90′s and wrote the first diversity trainings.

What an inspirational and humorous story!!

It just reinstated the passion I have in my heart in creating a space of equality for all those around me and for making sure that each person is noticed, recognized, treated with kindness and respect, and is treated with compassion.

The story also brought some bittersweet feelings, as one of Richard’s greatest friends, Arte, has cerebral palsy. It made me miss my little Ethie, and more than ever made my arms feel empty and useless. Yes I embrace others quite frequently, giving hugs like free candy, and more recently give massages to others. But in a lot of ways my body feels a sense of uselessness not having my little kiddos to scoop up. I miss being an extension of Ethan’s body and using it to help him move!! As crazy as that sounds as it was back-breaking work, I miss it. I miss him. I miss his smile, I miss the fire of his life, and I miss the purpose my life inherently had because I got to be a part of his.

It warmed my heart to see the friendship between the two!!

Anywho, it’s a great story!! Check it out

"The differences that you make that are of the ones of lasting importance, they are the little differences that you make in the life of another person." ~Richard Pimentel