Almost three crazy weeks of working straight through, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
PORTLAND!
In T-minus 2 days :-)
It's hard to verbally explain the importance of this trip...but it is important, and symbolic.
For the first time, I am traveling somewhere I said I wanted to go. Instead of just saying, I am doing. Throwing caution to the wind. I have no plans, no map, and absolutely no idea what it is I will actually do with myself.
Granted I will be surfing my cousin's couch, but I will be in a new city...representing the gateway to this vast yet small world that I am so desperate to explore...all by myself, with only me to pave my way and go frolik as I see fit.
It's only 6 days, but it's six days of something completely new.
That seems to be a theme in my life and I'm loving it!
I'm on the brink of something wonderful, and beautiful, and spiritual.
I am back, and I am doing and going, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.
Never before has the fear of failure ever been so prevalent, in so many ways. But isn't that the beauty of life?! That despite stakes being high and the fear being legitimate that something wonderful and blessed might just be what awaits us?! Part of the inherent beauty of life is the risk-taking. And here I am, walking to the ledge in so many ways, still fearfully looking down at how far I could fall...but then I lift my head up and see how majestic the view is and it's totally worth it!!
Live a beautiful life, passionately....in whatever way that means to you.
Portland, I can't wait to explore you, and see what new things you awaken in my soul...and I can't wait to see what I bring back. An eye-opener is in store, more dreams will be rekindled and new dreams will be born.
Did I also mention my passion for love is coming back. So amusing how I shut off all of love last year. But love is what life is about...all forms, shapes and sizes of love are essential. And it feels SO good to love again. And it feels SO refreshing to be IN LOVE with life again. How did I lose that?! That doesn't matter...it's back, and I'm grateful for it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Hand-Picked Flower and Some Java
I sit here this morning listening to the sound of birds come through my window. The sounds of summer are full in bloom, the sun in out and shining, a slight breeze ruffles the leaves of the trees. I'm not outside, rather being lazy inside working on my online courses and keeping an eye on grams.
I look back at the past three months of my life and it's crazy. It's been consumed by a new job, learning new things every day, meeting tons of new people, grams now going through medical turbulence, online courses, and relearning how to dream. My cheery attitude is back in full swing, I am laughing from the depths of my belly again, and my excitement at life is taking over. I can't believe just how much can change in three short months!
My dreams of traveling have been re-awakened and encouraged. And I'm doing it! Portland is so close I can taste it. Hopes of San Francisco and Sacramento are on the horizon for the next few months. No maps, no plans, just traveling if I can get the time to do it!
There's also a guy, who re-awakened that. I wouldn't have thought I would even be considering taking someone's hand and saying "lets try walking through life together". Here I sit, and I am, and I'm happy, and I'm excited, and I'm content.
As he said "You know it is a very moment in life when a person can be exactly who they are and not feel the need to hide or subdue portions of their personality. It's nice that I don't feel the need to hide with you :-)"
Who knows what the future will bring, who knows where my feet will go, and who knows how long I can slide my hand into his with him by my side....but it doesn't matter, it only matters that right now I'm exactly where I feel content and myself.
I want to travel and go on adventures, and I'm very much excited at the prospect of doing it with him by my side. But one step at a time.
Stolen kisses in elevators, cups of java, and hand-picked flowers. Life is good. :-)
I look back at the past three months of my life and it's crazy. It's been consumed by a new job, learning new things every day, meeting tons of new people, grams now going through medical turbulence, online courses, and relearning how to dream. My cheery attitude is back in full swing, I am laughing from the depths of my belly again, and my excitement at life is taking over. I can't believe just how much can change in three short months!
My dreams of traveling have been re-awakened and encouraged. And I'm doing it! Portland is so close I can taste it. Hopes of San Francisco and Sacramento are on the horizon for the next few months. No maps, no plans, just traveling if I can get the time to do it!
There's also a guy, who re-awakened that. I wouldn't have thought I would even be considering taking someone's hand and saying "lets try walking through life together". Here I sit, and I am, and I'm happy, and I'm excited, and I'm content.
As he said "You know it is a very moment in life when a person can be exactly who they are and not feel the need to hide or subdue portions of their personality. It's nice that I don't feel the need to hide with you :-)"
Who knows what the future will bring, who knows where my feet will go, and who knows how long I can slide my hand into his with him by my side....but it doesn't matter, it only matters that right now I'm exactly where I feel content and myself.
I want to travel and go on adventures, and I'm very much excited at the prospect of doing it with him by my side. But one step at a time.
Stolen kisses in elevators, cups of java, and hand-picked flowers. Life is good. :-)
Up & Down The Hallways
One aspect of life: work. I'm such a lucky gal to love my job.
I'm a lucky gal period. But life is so blessed when you love your job. I'm lucky to have loved all my jobs really. But I do love my current job. And I love where I am. There's a lot to be said because that hasn't always been the case. And maybe it won't always be the case. For now, it is and I'm reveling in it.
Work isn't easy, but it's fun! My co-workers on every floor that I've worked on have been great, I've had lots of laughs and I'm getting to know more and more people.
While I don't personally think that I'm doing a fantastic job all the time, I seem to be doing something right. All the managers on the floor seem to like me and want to keep me or have me come up and float to their floors. I gotta be doing something right. Or maybe I do everything wrong but do it with a smile on my face :-)
I just spent 3 days running up and down the hallways of 9A at Denver Health. I had my own patients, I ran in circles some days but it was wonderful. I learn something new every day, something not-so-pleasant happens every day, I get to laugh with patients and co-workers every day, I walk a million miles every day, and I leave at the end of the day feeling somewhat accomplished. Not always that I've done everything I could but that I accomplished something! It's a great feeling. Even on the worst days.
I got my two first heart felt "Thank You's" this week...all for simply doing what it is that Denver Health tells me I'm supposed to do!
I'm pretty excited about what lays in front of me, if I get into nursing. Excited to see what might happen! Excited to see what the future has in store for me :-)
I'm a lucky gal period. But life is so blessed when you love your job. I'm lucky to have loved all my jobs really. But I do love my current job. And I love where I am. There's a lot to be said because that hasn't always been the case. And maybe it won't always be the case. For now, it is and I'm reveling in it.
Work isn't easy, but it's fun! My co-workers on every floor that I've worked on have been great, I've had lots of laughs and I'm getting to know more and more people.
While I don't personally think that I'm doing a fantastic job all the time, I seem to be doing something right. All the managers on the floor seem to like me and want to keep me or have me come up and float to their floors. I gotta be doing something right. Or maybe I do everything wrong but do it with a smile on my face :-)
I just spent 3 days running up and down the hallways of 9A at Denver Health. I had my own patients, I ran in circles some days but it was wonderful. I learn something new every day, something not-so-pleasant happens every day, I get to laugh with patients and co-workers every day, I walk a million miles every day, and I leave at the end of the day feeling somewhat accomplished. Not always that I've done everything I could but that I accomplished something! It's a great feeling. Even on the worst days.
I got my two first heart felt "Thank You's" this week...all for simply doing what it is that Denver Health tells me I'm supposed to do!
I'm pretty excited about what lays in front of me, if I get into nursing. Excited to see what might happen! Excited to see what the future has in store for me :-)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Now THAT'S What I Call A Day For The Books!!
Welp, you ever just have one of THOSE days?! And by those days I mean the ones where you are absolutely not winning by any means, are just so completely frazzled, yet the sun is still somehow shining out of your ass and you find yourself laughing your way through the day?!?!
Yeah?! Well that was my day!
Ok ok ok, most days are like that for me. But today was an extreme!!
I got to work expecting to be a ward clerk...because, well....because that's what my CNE (clinical nurse educator) told me I would be doing. I haven't been cross-trained as a Healthcare Tech yet (officially) and thought that was coming at a later date. But due to conflicts (basically caused by the indiscrepency in my position title and it lacking half of it as I'm the first to be fully cross-trained), it was do-or-die time.
You wanna learn?! Well jump in head first! And today I was shoved in head first...and I basically ended up belly-flopping but that's really beside the point....
So I worked the floor. I learned how to do vitals (which might I add that machine was almost the death of me today...it might be simple but it's lethal!), do the boards, do intake/output, and run in a million different directions. I learned to chart. I learned how to distribute trays, set up a room, all that jazzy shit they teach you.
BUT I learned it while learning how to ungracefully drop a tray, how to run into walls, how to run around in circles (quite literally, I mean that sincerely), how to ask a sheriff where to find shampoo, and most importantly, how to lock myself in a correctional care room.
However, I did it all with a smile on my face. For realz, laughter is the only thing that gets me through. I laugh at any and every thing. I laugh when I make mistakes, I laugh when people tell jokes, I laugh at myself, I sing, I dance, I make corny jokes, and put in ridiculous movie lines/song lyrics when necessary. And it pays off!! I had everyone in my unit in a good mood...despite my many many mistakes today. I was frazzled beyond belief but hey it's all good!!
And let's just not forget the most memorable part of my day. Well we had this new admit. We knew he'd be a "sitter" patient and that he was all sorts of coo-koo ca-choo. He came in and did not fail to deliver! He came down in 4-pt cuff restraints from the ED. After unhooking him he leaped to the other bed and next thing I know, all sorts of stuff starts happening and five sheriff's are on top of him. Apparently he started pulling out his IV, then tried to bite it, then tried to bite one of the sheriff's, then started fighting, and, like whoa!! Crazy, scary and thrilling all at once! And what was my reaction?! Oh you guessed it, I laughed.
Then I had to help insert a foley. A catheter. Into his penis. There's a first for everything. Oh and then he peed so much!! He peed 900mL in the catheter but there was so much coming out an additional 300mL came out around the catheter!! So we had to clean him up, change his bed...hmmm, what glorious fun!! And what did I do?! Sang a ridiculous song and laughed!
Doc: What's up?!
Me: the ceiling
Never gets old! Such a smartass.
But I will say, the power of please and thank you and asked nicely, so totally amazing!! The sheriff's love me because of my attitude and my joking demeanor and my corny jokes. And I think my staff all does too. I can joke with most all of them, pretty easily. Tis quite glorious!!
Welp, that was definitely a day for the books. Bet tomorrow will be too. An adventure is in store I'm sure. Which means I need some sleep to prepare for it.
Off to Never Never Land I go. Tout a'leure and sweet dreams :-)
Yeah?! Well that was my day!
Ok ok ok, most days are like that for me. But today was an extreme!!
I got to work expecting to be a ward clerk...because, well....because that's what my CNE (clinical nurse educator) told me I would be doing. I haven't been cross-trained as a Healthcare Tech yet (officially) and thought that was coming at a later date. But due to conflicts (basically caused by the indiscrepency in my position title and it lacking half of it as I'm the first to be fully cross-trained), it was do-or-die time.
You wanna learn?! Well jump in head first! And today I was shoved in head first...and I basically ended up belly-flopping but that's really beside the point....
So I worked the floor. I learned how to do vitals (which might I add that machine was almost the death of me today...it might be simple but it's lethal!), do the boards, do intake/output, and run in a million different directions. I learned to chart. I learned how to distribute trays, set up a room, all that jazzy shit they teach you.
BUT I learned it while learning how to ungracefully drop a tray, how to run into walls, how to run around in circles (quite literally, I mean that sincerely), how to ask a sheriff where to find shampoo, and most importantly, how to lock myself in a correctional care room.
However, I did it all with a smile on my face. For realz, laughter is the only thing that gets me through. I laugh at any and every thing. I laugh when I make mistakes, I laugh when people tell jokes, I laugh at myself, I sing, I dance, I make corny jokes, and put in ridiculous movie lines/song lyrics when necessary. And it pays off!! I had everyone in my unit in a good mood...despite my many many mistakes today. I was frazzled beyond belief but hey it's all good!!
And let's just not forget the most memorable part of my day. Well we had this new admit. We knew he'd be a "sitter" patient and that he was all sorts of coo-koo ca-choo. He came in and did not fail to deliver! He came down in 4-pt cuff restraints from the ED. After unhooking him he leaped to the other bed and next thing I know, all sorts of stuff starts happening and five sheriff's are on top of him. Apparently he started pulling out his IV, then tried to bite it, then tried to bite one of the sheriff's, then started fighting, and, like whoa!! Crazy, scary and thrilling all at once! And what was my reaction?! Oh you guessed it, I laughed.
Then I had to help insert a foley. A catheter. Into his penis. There's a first for everything. Oh and then he peed so much!! He peed 900mL in the catheter but there was so much coming out an additional 300mL came out around the catheter!! So we had to clean him up, change his bed...hmmm, what glorious fun!! And what did I do?! Sang a ridiculous song and laughed!
Doc: What's up?!
Me: the ceiling
Never gets old! Such a smartass.
But I will say, the power of please and thank you and asked nicely, so totally amazing!! The sheriff's love me because of my attitude and my joking demeanor and my corny jokes. And I think my staff all does too. I can joke with most all of them, pretty easily. Tis quite glorious!!
Welp, that was definitely a day for the books. Bet tomorrow will be too. An adventure is in store I'm sure. Which means I need some sleep to prepare for it.
Off to Never Never Land I go. Tout a'leure and sweet dreams :-)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
NOH8: Light Through the Darkness
We threw our second NOH8 party...this year's theme was The Light Through the Darkness. We incorporated Born This Way and the It Gets Better Project as well. Love celebrating LOVE!!
Here are a couple photos...more to come soon :-)
This first one is meant to be controversial. It's supposed to be ironic. And it's supposed to stop and make you think "Wait, aren't they supposed to be promoting love and acceptance?!" Well we are, but if this little gesture can make one go up in arms and feel offended, imagine how much our words (something that holds SO much more power and meaning) can affect how you make someone else feel...and we are so less careful about what comes out of our mouths and how those words are portrayed to others. So stop and think the next time you open your mouth!! It's also one of Dan and our's sayings "fuck it!" It's just how we feel about what others think of our own 'labels'.
Last year Dan and I didn't get a photo together, despite being the co-hosts/co-creators of this party! So this year we made sure we had one :-)
Here are a couple photos...more to come soon :-)
This first one is meant to be controversial. It's supposed to be ironic. And it's supposed to stop and make you think "Wait, aren't they supposed to be promoting love and acceptance?!" Well we are, but if this little gesture can make one go up in arms and feel offended, imagine how much our words (something that holds SO much more power and meaning) can affect how you make someone else feel...and we are so less careful about what comes out of our mouths and how those words are portrayed to others. So stop and think the next time you open your mouth!! It's also one of Dan and our's sayings "fuck it!" It's just how we feel about what others think of our own 'labels'.
Last year Dan and I didn't get a photo together, despite being the co-hosts/co-creators of this party! So this year we made sure we had one :-)
Love Love Love, Me
These past couple weeks have been CRAZY!!
Wow, so I totally forgot how demanding school can be! Either that or these online classes are abnormally demanding. I'm pretty positive it's the former more than the latter but eh, ya never know!! Either way I'm loving my classes. Well, I'm absolutely loving my Philosophy of Religion class. I love how it pushes me to think in a way I haven't been pushed for awhile. It bites at some controversial issues and I can't even tell you just how MUCH I missed those hard conversations and people pushing my beliefs and opinions. Totally flourishing in it. The other class is nothing but a bunch of Christians talking about western religions from their sheltered point of view but the readings are extraordinary! I'm loving being back in some sort of education setting, even if it is from my computer.
I submitted my nursing application (albeit, PUSHING THE LIMITS) and send for my transcripts. Now I'm sitting here figuratively biting my nails and literally watching the NursingCAS website to see if my last transcript gets in by tomorrow. Oh how I hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot. Procrastination, though art just awful and I need to get rid of you, you awful dirty habit!!
With that, I hope that in 4-6 weeks I am getting an offer to come in for an interview so I can prove myself. Fingers crossed, hardcore crossed, white-knuckling crossed almost. AH!!!
Work is great. I'm FINALLY down on my home unit, the Correcitonal Care Unit. It's scary and fun and exciting. Trying to learn how to fit in and really hoping I'm doing well. It's a small unit, a small family. I'm new to it so it's sort of like starting from square one (yet again). And in a couple weeks I will be doing my healthcare tech training! Which will also be a square one spot again. And I might have my nurse educator send me up on another floor at the end of that sometime, so I can get a taste of another floor. Which will again be scary but WOWEE!! Talk about a long time of being out of my comfort zone! So good for me though. I've enjoyed getting to know everything and being on the edge of my seat. Sometimes it's so exhausting but great character building that's for sure :-)
Grams is back in the hospital as of this morning. COPD - Liver Failure - Retaining lots of water - Hit her head - Disoriented - Hiatal Hernia - Epigastritis - Gastritis - Colon polyps - Precancerous Tumor. The list goes on and on. Grams fell down and hit her head at some point last night and didn't even recognize us this morning. Just kept trying to go potty (though she didn't have to go). So she's back in the hospital and will be admitted into a nursing home probably, because she needs 24-hour care.
I hate to say it but that's a good thing. My mom has been stressing so hardcore trying to take care of my grams, even with everyone else's help. It will be good for us to not have to worry about changing every aspect of our lives as my grams' care needs are just SO high demanding right now. Not to mention, my mom is petrified of coming home to find grams dead so it will be good for that not to even be a possibility for her right now.
Just so crazy, and so stressful.
Other than that, just trying to plan a trip to San Fran & Portland. And also trying to plan a couple 14ers!! Hopefully the first one will be at the end of June :-)
Hakuna Matata!!
[Film on the Rocks watching Footloose with one of the besties!!]
Wow, so I totally forgot how demanding school can be! Either that or these online classes are abnormally demanding. I'm pretty positive it's the former more than the latter but eh, ya never know!! Either way I'm loving my classes. Well, I'm absolutely loving my Philosophy of Religion class. I love how it pushes me to think in a way I haven't been pushed for awhile. It bites at some controversial issues and I can't even tell you just how MUCH I missed those hard conversations and people pushing my beliefs and opinions. Totally flourishing in it. The other class is nothing but a bunch of Christians talking about western religions from their sheltered point of view but the readings are extraordinary! I'm loving being back in some sort of education setting, even if it is from my computer.
I submitted my nursing application (albeit, PUSHING THE LIMITS) and send for my transcripts. Now I'm sitting here figuratively biting my nails and literally watching the NursingCAS website to see if my last transcript gets in by tomorrow. Oh how I hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot. Procrastination, though art just awful and I need to get rid of you, you awful dirty habit!!
With that, I hope that in 4-6 weeks I am getting an offer to come in for an interview so I can prove myself. Fingers crossed, hardcore crossed, white-knuckling crossed almost. AH!!!
Work is great. I'm FINALLY down on my home unit, the Correcitonal Care Unit. It's scary and fun and exciting. Trying to learn how to fit in and really hoping I'm doing well. It's a small unit, a small family. I'm new to it so it's sort of like starting from square one (yet again). And in a couple weeks I will be doing my healthcare tech training! Which will also be a square one spot again. And I might have my nurse educator send me up on another floor at the end of that sometime, so I can get a taste of another floor. Which will again be scary but WOWEE!! Talk about a long time of being out of my comfort zone! So good for me though. I've enjoyed getting to know everything and being on the edge of my seat. Sometimes it's so exhausting but great character building that's for sure :-)
Grams is back in the hospital as of this morning. COPD - Liver Failure - Retaining lots of water - Hit her head - Disoriented - Hiatal Hernia - Epigastritis - Gastritis - Colon polyps - Precancerous Tumor. The list goes on and on. Grams fell down and hit her head at some point last night and didn't even recognize us this morning. Just kept trying to go potty (though she didn't have to go). So she's back in the hospital and will be admitted into a nursing home probably, because she needs 24-hour care.
I hate to say it but that's a good thing. My mom has been stressing so hardcore trying to take care of my grams, even with everyone else's help. It will be good for us to not have to worry about changing every aspect of our lives as my grams' care needs are just SO high demanding right now. Not to mention, my mom is petrified of coming home to find grams dead so it will be good for that not to even be a possibility for her right now.
Just so crazy, and so stressful.
Other than that, just trying to plan a trip to San Fran & Portland. And also trying to plan a couple 14ers!! Hopefully the first one will be at the end of June :-)
Hakuna Matata!!
[Film on the Rocks watching Footloose with one of the besties!!]
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Love, City
I spent the day downtown today with one of my best and oldest friends.
We went and had tea at The House of Commons, which is a beautiful tea house. Then we walked around Denver, hitting up the 16th Street Mall and the People's Fair. Live Music. Sandals and sunglasses. Amazing crafts.
Was a beautiful day full of people, sun and deep breaths.
I need more of those :-)
Wish I didn't have to come back to Brighton. Wish I lived in Denver. Wish I had roommates. Wish I had more reasons to breath easy.
Wish I could be given a chance...by several people.
I wish I could get to know N*** better. I want to be opened up and blossomed. I want someone to make me laugh more. He is the kind of guy I have looked for. Calm, relaxed, joyous, fun, young at heart, loves to travel, loves life. Just want to be given a chance. Even just to be friends.
Can't wait to travel. Can't wait to see the world. Can't wait to live more!
Need to stop wishing and start living.
Ha, welcome to conversations in my head!
Great day to be alive :-) No complaints. Just sun :-)
Saturday, June 04, 2011
My goal for this summer: to get out as much as possible on my days off!!
Well between online classes and taking care of grams.
Grams has been sick, and it's been crazy...definitely stressful on the whole family having to take care of her, with her not being able to take care of herself.
My goal: one 14er per month for the next four months. Think I can make it happen?! I think I can and I think I will!!
I need to keep busy this summer, keep my body active, and keep my mind off men. Especially one that I'm getting in dangerous territory with currently. This guy could open up a world I crave...the only catch is I don't know how serious he is about ME. So should I take the chance or just keep myself closed off?! But the more I keep myself closed off will it make it harder in the long run to open myself up to someone?! Who knows. Stop overthinking things. Just because others have hurt you in the past doesn't mean he will Nicole.
I really want to live in Denver. I have the itch to move so bad. I want a place of my own. But I can't afford it. I want to be near something with things to do and people to see and places to go. Tired of the suburbs, tired of this old B-town. Ready for something more my age, more my style...but am I really?!
So many questions, so many desires!
I wanna travel. I wanna go, I wanna do, I wanna be. Why does everything rely on money and time?! Even know that I might have a little time, I don't have the money...like normal!
Mind racing...need to find an outlet for it....
Well between online classes and taking care of grams.
Grams has been sick, and it's been crazy...definitely stressful on the whole family having to take care of her, with her not being able to take care of herself.
My goal: one 14er per month for the next four months. Think I can make it happen?! I think I can and I think I will!!
I need to keep busy this summer, keep my body active, and keep my mind off men. Especially one that I'm getting in dangerous territory with currently. This guy could open up a world I crave...the only catch is I don't know how serious he is about ME. So should I take the chance or just keep myself closed off?! But the more I keep myself closed off will it make it harder in the long run to open myself up to someone?! Who knows. Stop overthinking things. Just because others have hurt you in the past doesn't mean he will Nicole.
I really want to live in Denver. I have the itch to move so bad. I want a place of my own. But I can't afford it. I want to be near something with things to do and people to see and places to go. Tired of the suburbs, tired of this old B-town. Ready for something more my age, more my style...but am I really?!
So many questions, so many desires!
I wanna travel. I wanna go, I wanna do, I wanna be. Why does everything rely on money and time?! Even know that I might have a little time, I don't have the money...like normal!
Mind racing...need to find an outlet for it....
Monday, May 30, 2011
Silver Anniversary
25 years is no easy feat in marriage...especially now-a-days with the divorce rate being higher than 50% and marriage something people do over and over.
I am proud to say that my wonderful parents have made it to this wonderful milestone!!
May 24th 1986, both my parents got married in a little church in Riverton, Wyoming, exchanging vows to support and love each other through both the good times and the bad. And that's exactly what they have done. They have faced some very hard times and some very wonderful times together. They have stood together and fought their was through raising four kids. There have been times where their support and devotion to each other has actually been frustrating to me, but I respect their commitment to each other that comes before their commitment to their children.
Us kids, though not having much money, decided to throw them a little surprise party to celebrate their silver anniversary. While it didn't go without a few bumps and a TON of procrastination, it was a success and I hope it showed them how special their love for each other is :-)
Hopefully I'll have more money to do something even more special for them on their 50th (GOLDEN!) Anniversary :-)
I am proud to say that my wonderful parents have made it to this wonderful milestone!!
May 24th 1986, both my parents got married in a little church in Riverton, Wyoming, exchanging vows to support and love each other through both the good times and the bad. And that's exactly what they have done. They have faced some very hard times and some very wonderful times together. They have stood together and fought their was through raising four kids. There have been times where their support and devotion to each other has actually been frustrating to me, but I respect their commitment to each other that comes before their commitment to their children.
Us kids, though not having much money, decided to throw them a little surprise party to celebrate their silver anniversary. While it didn't go without a few bumps and a TON of procrastination, it was a success and I hope it showed them how special their love for each other is :-)
Hopefully I'll have more money to do something even more special for them on their 50th (GOLDEN!) Anniversary :-)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Re-Awakening
There are little parts of me that I've tucked away for quite a while starting to come back out!
Passions are slowly re-awakening; hopes and dreams are coming back. And I am laughing again...as in my real full-bellied laugh.
Wow, I want to fly.
I'm still trepid with slight fear. What if I get hurt or what if things fail?
But then I remember....the only way to fail is to have tried and to have dreamed and given my all. And why would I not do that?!
I'm excited.
Now let's see what happens from here....
Passions are slowly re-awakening; hopes and dreams are coming back. And I am laughing again...as in my real full-bellied laugh.
Wow, I want to fly.
I'm still trepid with slight fear. What if I get hurt or what if things fail?
But then I remember....the only way to fail is to have tried and to have dreamed and given my all. And why would I not do that?!
I'm excited.
Now let's see what happens from here....
Monday, May 23, 2011
It's All About The 'Tude
Here I sit at work and I realize the power of one's attitude.
Well I've always realized that, which is why I've always tried to have a more positive, uplifting, and supportive attitude towards life and others. But right now, its' importance is proving beyond significant.
But the power of one's attitude can have such a tremendous effect not only on your day, the flow of your day, but also on the flow of others, their attitudes, and the effects it all has on their entire day.
Though I don't possess enough power to always make someone's day who is determined to just have an awful day and piss poor attitude, I am realizing more and more how important and how powerful a positive attitude can have.
And also the power of an awful attitude.
I hate excusing rude and bad behavior. There is not excuse for it. But I know most others do...often stating "That's just how so-and-so is". However, make no excuses people. There's no excuse for others to just totally be rude and bitter and awful.
I may not know all the answers in my job and I might slow others down...but really I have been praised for my willingness to help others and my positive attitude. I love making other people's day and trying to help support them in everything that they do! Why aren't others this way?! It's so powerful.
For example, I might flub up in my job as ward clerk but my willingness to say "Thank you" and "Please" and "You're Welcome" to all the nurses, patients, and doctors has a powerful effect. I hope it makes them all feel appreciated. And my willingness to smile, help out, and figure out a situation rather than brush it off.
One clerk said "I have the power to make or break your day." Really, I can make or break anyone's day. But why would I ever want to boast that?! I don't ever intend to use that power maliciously, only in a positive manner and I wish others had that same attitude....to make everyone else's day!
Attitude: so important and so powerful. I hope it's being used in positive and supportive ways...not the opposite.
Well I've always realized that, which is why I've always tried to have a more positive, uplifting, and supportive attitude towards life and others. But right now, its' importance is proving beyond significant.
But the power of one's attitude can have such a tremendous effect not only on your day, the flow of your day, but also on the flow of others, their attitudes, and the effects it all has on their entire day.
Though I don't possess enough power to always make someone's day who is determined to just have an awful day and piss poor attitude, I am realizing more and more how important and how powerful a positive attitude can have.
And also the power of an awful attitude.
I hate excusing rude and bad behavior. There is not excuse for it. But I know most others do...often stating "That's just how so-and-so is". However, make no excuses people. There's no excuse for others to just totally be rude and bitter and awful.
I may not know all the answers in my job and I might slow others down...but really I have been praised for my willingness to help others and my positive attitude. I love making other people's day and trying to help support them in everything that they do! Why aren't others this way?! It's so powerful.
For example, I might flub up in my job as ward clerk but my willingness to say "Thank you" and "Please" and "You're Welcome" to all the nurses, patients, and doctors has a powerful effect. I hope it makes them all feel appreciated. And my willingness to smile, help out, and figure out a situation rather than brush it off.
One clerk said "I have the power to make or break your day." Really, I can make or break anyone's day. But why would I ever want to boast that?! I don't ever intend to use that power maliciously, only in a positive manner and I wish others had that same attitude....to make everyone else's day!
Attitude: so important and so powerful. I hope it's being used in positive and supportive ways...not the opposite.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Live A Beautiful Life
On a very random side note, I have had a tattoo on my left shoulder for over a year now. I love this tattoo, but I've never taken a picture of it. I've wondered exactly what it looks like on me (considering I'll never be able to actually see myself from the back...). And I've needed a reason to pick up my camera. So last week I did.
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
I busted out my camera, set up the shot, put on the self-timer and waited to see what the lens would capture.
Very ego-centric being in front of a camera in a way, but it was really cool to see what I "look" like...in a new way...sorta. And to see what my tattoo looks like on me.
So here is the picture that came from that shot.
Live a Beautiful Life....sometimes I forget what that means, other times I remember....I'm glad this is one of those moment's I remember what that means and why I got that tattoo :-)
The Buddings of Summer
There is a reason I don't live in Seattle...and I'm learning more and more that as much as I LOVE the smell of rain and as much as I know we NEED it, I would much rather have the sunny Colorado days I'm used to! Two weeks of dull dreary grey clouds and rain is enough for me!!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Despite that, my mood has been considerably perky. I'm getting frazzled still training at Denver Health. I've learned I do not like sitting behind a desk. I knew that before but it's been confirmed. I have two parts to my job, that are completely opposite. One is ward clerking (hence desk-ish work) and the other is direct patient care. I won't be trained on that until I'm done with my eight weeks of training for ward clerking. 12 hours behind a desk is just a bit much for me! But luckily that won't be the only thing I do eventually! It's frazzling, and stressful, and crazy for me. But it's part of learning.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
I keep reminding myself that these are the first steps in that walk of a thousand miles! I will be very glad once I'm past the first couple miles ;-) Until then I'll just keep on trucking.
However, some interesting stuff does happen. Working on the unit that had the eating disorder program was so fascinating. Those people are so fascinating, frustrating, and insane all at once. It's like the walking dead roaming the hallway. One gentleman came in with a ridiculous pressure ulcer that had gotten so bad you could see bone in the gaping wound. And let's not forget Mr. B who was caught smoking crack in his bathroom. Oh the joys of Denver Health! Some pretty interested stuff happens in our neck of the woods sometimes! Oye always need a little Jeff Dunham jokes to keep the shifts going well :-) "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?!" Bahahaha love love it.
I had a very hard night the other night. I was babysitting the Hummell boys and a couple other children. Five children, under the age of 10. Five children are a handful no matter what. Especially when they aren't your children. And you aren't their mother who can comfort them. Which became a huge problem at bedtime. For three of the kiddos, the problem was simply I wasn't their mother to put them to bed for the night. A few tears and the statements "When is mommy coming home?" and the tearful requests "I want my mommy." I can handle those. And then there was the more difficult end of the matter.
For the Hummell boys, it's deeper than the obvious superficial conclusion that I'm not their mother. But that in itself has a whole other meaning. Their mother Diana passed away in October, of which I spent the last few weeks of her life with the Hummell family in their home. I'm not the boys mother, and it has been a struggle that no one on this earth is their mother. It has been a struggle for them that their mother is gone. Their mother, a stay-at-home and very hands-on mother, is no longer there for them. And their father, Cam, is working as hard as possible to provide for his family. The boys are strong-willed and Zachary lets each woman know that they aren't his mother and can't act in the role his mother did. Dawson is slowly taking on a more strong-willed personality, looking up to his older brother. When it came to bedtime, a few factors came to play. I wasn't their mother, I wasn't their father, and I couldn't give them the exact love, attention and routine that they miss and crave and struggle with. This ordeal of sorts turned into an hour long struggle to get the boys in bed. In between the tears and the struggle I found myself praying to the Lord "Lord please just give me the strength, the grace, and the words to say to these boys that might provide some comfort. In the midst of some tears, after an hour of struggle, I was able to reach into a part of Zach's heart and provide a little bit of love. We were able to shed some tears together and I was able to give him a hug, a hug that he probably hasn't had in a long time. I was able to tuck him into bed with a hug and a kiss. After that I was able to console Dawson and tuck him into bed with a kiss and the promise that I would sleep with him until he fell asleep.
The lesson learned?! God does answer even the most desperate prayers when you need them. The only way I was able to reach those boys was through some unknown grace of the Lord given to me at that moment. Some love and some words that were only able to come from Him. I left that night exhausted, heartbroken for the boys, but so thankful that we have a Lord that sometimes answers prayers right on the spot, at that moment in time, when we cry out to Him. He hears us. And He lifts us up when needed.
On another note, I went on a little impromptu hike the other day with a new friend of mine. Very refreshing to be outside, and to be with someone who was so laid-back and with a great sense of humor. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this newfound friendship.
Applying to nursing school again. I got rejected from the traditional program but am applying to the accelerated program. If it doesn't work out, who knows what the Lord has in mind.
Right now I'm just taking it all day-by-day. Had a great breakfast at Snooze with a dear friend. Ran in the rain. Got soaking wet. And oddly refreshing. Excited to see what happens. And I can't wait until the sunshine comes back around and starts beckoning the beauty that is summer. Ah, new opportunities. A little bit of fear but let's see what happens, eh?!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Work Work Work....
WHEWEEEEE!!!
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
Has two weeks really gone by?! Really?! I feel like life just gets faster and faster and faster and I don't have time to slow down and smell the roses.
Although it's raining and I can smell rain right outside the window right now ;-)
So orientation has been so chaotic for me. I'm orientating on a cross between night and days with no set schedule and my body is constantly in a state of "what the hell is going on now and when am I going to get sleep?!" My daily small cup of coffee and the occasional Red Bull are serving as little sparks of gasoline to reignite a fire under my bottom to keep me going. Danskos are now my shoe of choice and I'm trying to learn how to incorporate the barious aspects of my fun and wacky wardrobe into the bland world of color-coded scrubs. Thankfully Dansko GETS that wearing scrubs is quite bland and I have a fun pair...hopefully will be buying a zebra print pair here in a bit! And I'm learning how to wear some fun prints under my scrubs. And earrings, thank you earrings for being so wonderful and funky and bright!! For realz though. I wear black scrub pants with a sky blue scrub top. Need to flair it up a bit somehow! While still being practical!
Other than that, I pretty much live in my room sleeping, trying to catch up on what is going on the world, with no social life, and watching the occasional episode of Law & Order: SVU on netflix....other than that life is crazy and revolved around work! But at least I can pay my bills right now! Hopefully....until I have to pay for school and then I'm still trying to figure out how that puzzle is going to work out...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Upheavel
This week has been one of several crazy emotions for me.
I have hit rock bottom emotionally, given up on myself, cried my eyes out, and sunk into a deep depression. On the other hand I still have hope, have found enjoyment in some simple things and have even made a few people's days (well if we're being literal it would actually be nights) better.
I have found a little bit of enjoyment working the night shift. For four days/three nights I get to ignore the world. I get to keep myself surrounded in my job, in trying to focus on this new venture in my life that no one else is a part of (which is also semi scary and isolating at times) and I am forced to lose contact with most of my life. Which for me is wonderful. For that time I am not connected to anyone nor am accessible to my phone. And it's nice to disconnect from the world for awhile. I have floundered a little this past week but also found myself jumping in head first to try and learn all the new things that come with my job. While it can be overwhelming I am trying my best to focus and pick up on any little thing I can. I like feeling a part of a team, even if it's temporary and semi-transient.
Every other part of my life other than my job has proven to be too much for me to bear.
It has been hard knowing my family really doesn't care for me too much. Knowing that I am a burden on everyone else and not being what anyone else wants or needs me to be. I find myself yearning for my complete alone times alone and inviting as much time sleeping as possible. Sure signs to me that I'm sinking into a depression of sorts. I have long learned I don't yet have a niche in the world.
I struggle so much month to month just to pay the bills. leaving little to no free time, never getting ahead and always getting further behind. I am not quite sure what free time really looks like anymore. And when I do have free time I find it hard to find things to do as I have no money to afford anything...not even money to afford to go buy paints and canvas and the like to scrapbook or paint or make photo collages. I don't have time to go play with my camera nor time to work out (ok well in realisticness I have time for those but no means to do either most of the time). I feel like I struggle so much only to keep digging myself into a hole of semi-hopelessness.
And wow, don't I sound so damn emo and depressed?!
But I have to get it out. I don't know where else to go with this. It's just been building more and more inside of me.
My confidence is all but gone, my hope for having a future that I can do much of anything is diminishing and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to continue making it month to month. I guess in some ways I have lost a sense of hope and faith in a bright future for myself....just feeling so beat up and discouraged. I feel very alone and completely misunderstood. I have given up even trying to open up to those around me because really what can anyone do?! Who would want to do anything to help me out?!
The latest updates in my life:
The first is my home. My parents are re-painting the whole house. And putting it up for sale. Which has me severely depressed and anxious. If the house sells I will have to find my own place. And I can't afford my life as it is, especially with the upcoming costs of school. So I'm not sure how I'm going to afford a place of my own. But I have to find a way to somehow make it work. And I'm scared. Once again, part of why I feel like I just keep hitting walls. I'm not sure where to go from here. And my only safe place is no longer becoming my safe place as it has to be "show-worthy" and really my room is meant for my comfort, not for show...but now I have to start covering up my safe zone. I don't want to do that. My photos, my books, my stuff in my room is all I have. As materialistic as that sounds, everything is placed the way it is that makes me comfortable and now I have to take it all down and hide it and cover it up. So my safe zone is no longer mine. It's freaking me out.
The second is a wart. I have a wart on the bottom of my foot that I've ignored for about 8 months and it just kept getting bigger. So I finally ripped the top layer of skin off and start putting Compound W on it ...which worked! But it also made it open up into a hole that is approximately a half-an-inch deep in my foot. I went and got it frozen by the doc today. She said it's actually a pretty good sized wart (oh yay) and that it will take about 6 months for it to go away. Really?! So gross to me. If it was on anyone else I'd be fascinated. On me, it's like a violation of my OCD....I have a HOLE in my foot. That is housing a wart, complete with a root and other gross shit. ICK!! I can't wait for it to be gone. Between that and my acne breaking out again hardcore, I just feel like crap. Oh and the weight gain. I'm gaining weight like crazy again. Eating comfort food and having no time to set up a consistent workout schedule (and also unable to run or apply pressure to my foot because of the wart).
Lesson learned: freeze the damn wart IMMEDIATELY when it comes. Don't ignore it. At least I don't have to see this gross thing other than when I look on the bottom of my foot. ICK!
I have a project I want to work on. It's a canvas artwork. Not sure how to do it or if I can afford it but I'm going to try. Hopefully I can get to that next week after I'm done with my work week...we'll see what happens...
I have hit rock bottom emotionally, given up on myself, cried my eyes out, and sunk into a deep depression. On the other hand I still have hope, have found enjoyment in some simple things and have even made a few people's days (well if we're being literal it would actually be nights) better.
I have found a little bit of enjoyment working the night shift. For four days/three nights I get to ignore the world. I get to keep myself surrounded in my job, in trying to focus on this new venture in my life that no one else is a part of (which is also semi scary and isolating at times) and I am forced to lose contact with most of my life. Which for me is wonderful. For that time I am not connected to anyone nor am accessible to my phone. And it's nice to disconnect from the world for awhile. I have floundered a little this past week but also found myself jumping in head first to try and learn all the new things that come with my job. While it can be overwhelming I am trying my best to focus and pick up on any little thing I can. I like feeling a part of a team, even if it's temporary and semi-transient.
Every other part of my life other than my job has proven to be too much for me to bear.
It has been hard knowing my family really doesn't care for me too much. Knowing that I am a burden on everyone else and not being what anyone else wants or needs me to be. I find myself yearning for my complete alone times alone and inviting as much time sleeping as possible. Sure signs to me that I'm sinking into a depression of sorts. I have long learned I don't yet have a niche in the world.
I struggle so much month to month just to pay the bills. leaving little to no free time, never getting ahead and always getting further behind. I am not quite sure what free time really looks like anymore. And when I do have free time I find it hard to find things to do as I have no money to afford anything...not even money to afford to go buy paints and canvas and the like to scrapbook or paint or make photo collages. I don't have time to go play with my camera nor time to work out (ok well in realisticness I have time for those but no means to do either most of the time). I feel like I struggle so much only to keep digging myself into a hole of semi-hopelessness.
And wow, don't I sound so damn emo and depressed?!
But I have to get it out. I don't know where else to go with this. It's just been building more and more inside of me.
My confidence is all but gone, my hope for having a future that I can do much of anything is diminishing and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to continue making it month to month. I guess in some ways I have lost a sense of hope and faith in a bright future for myself....just feeling so beat up and discouraged. I feel very alone and completely misunderstood. I have given up even trying to open up to those around me because really what can anyone do?! Who would want to do anything to help me out?!
The latest updates in my life:
The first is my home. My parents are re-painting the whole house. And putting it up for sale. Which has me severely depressed and anxious. If the house sells I will have to find my own place. And I can't afford my life as it is, especially with the upcoming costs of school. So I'm not sure how I'm going to afford a place of my own. But I have to find a way to somehow make it work. And I'm scared. Once again, part of why I feel like I just keep hitting walls. I'm not sure where to go from here. And my only safe place is no longer becoming my safe place as it has to be "show-worthy" and really my room is meant for my comfort, not for show...but now I have to start covering up my safe zone. I don't want to do that. My photos, my books, my stuff in my room is all I have. As materialistic as that sounds, everything is placed the way it is that makes me comfortable and now I have to take it all down and hide it and cover it up. So my safe zone is no longer mine. It's freaking me out.
The second is a wart. I have a wart on the bottom of my foot that I've ignored for about 8 months and it just kept getting bigger. So I finally ripped the top layer of skin off and start putting Compound W on it ...which worked! But it also made it open up into a hole that is approximately a half-an-inch deep in my foot. I went and got it frozen by the doc today. She said it's actually a pretty good sized wart (oh yay) and that it will take about 6 months for it to go away. Really?! So gross to me. If it was on anyone else I'd be fascinated. On me, it's like a violation of my OCD....I have a HOLE in my foot. That is housing a wart, complete with a root and other gross shit. ICK!! I can't wait for it to be gone. Between that and my acne breaking out again hardcore, I just feel like crap. Oh and the weight gain. I'm gaining weight like crazy again. Eating comfort food and having no time to set up a consistent workout schedule (and also unable to run or apply pressure to my foot because of the wart).
Lesson learned: freeze the damn wart IMMEDIATELY when it comes. Don't ignore it. At least I don't have to see this gross thing other than when I look on the bottom of my foot. ICK!
I have a project I want to work on. It's a canvas artwork. Not sure how to do it or if I can afford it but I'm going to try. Hopefully I can get to that next week after I'm done with my work week...we'll see what happens...
Friday, April 22, 2011
Graveyard
In orienting into my new job, I have currently been assigned to working the night shifts. From 7:00pm (aka 1930) to 7:30am (aka 0730) I have been assigned to work on 7A at Denver Health.
First it's been just a wee bit tough adjusting to continuous 12-hour shifts. Sure I'm used to work ALL day long, but in a different way. Working in one spot for 12.5 hours with only a half hour lunch is a bit different. Especially when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Now put them together back-to-back and that is a bit exhausting. For four days my life revolves around this cycle sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work. And now I'm having to completely flip my natural circadian rhythm. Working nights (which actually isn't near as hard as I thought) and doing 12-hour shifts back-to-back.
So I have quickly found that putting that all together has left me exhausted!
So my life has come down to working in a ghostly hospital at night, not sure of what I'm doing, and sipping on things containing caffeine to keep me going. Basically these highlights of my lunch have become essentials...
Welp I guess a little sacrifice on the road to bigger dreams right?! Besides getting the opportunity to watch the sun rise over the city from the windows of the 7th floor of a hospital can be breathtaking :-)
First it's been just a wee bit tough adjusting to continuous 12-hour shifts. Sure I'm used to work ALL day long, but in a different way. Working in one spot for 12.5 hours with only a half hour lunch is a bit different. Especially when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Now put them together back-to-back and that is a bit exhausting. For four days my life revolves around this cycle sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work. And now I'm having to completely flip my natural circadian rhythm. Working nights (which actually isn't near as hard as I thought) and doing 12-hour shifts back-to-back.
So I have quickly found that putting that all together has left me exhausted!
So my life has come down to working in a ghostly hospital at night, not sure of what I'm doing, and sipping on things containing caffeine to keep me going. Basically these highlights of my lunch have become essentials...
Welp I guess a little sacrifice on the road to bigger dreams right?! Besides getting the opportunity to watch the sun rise over the city from the windows of the 7th floor of a hospital can be breathtaking :-)
Friday, April 15, 2011
9News and Denver Health
This week has been CRAZY busy for me!! And by crazy busy, I'm really not kidding.
I spent all of last week working two jobs everyday...I had to miss the beautiful weather we've had :-( Saturday morning I got up and worked the 9News Health Fair as a phlebotomist first thing in the morning. Can I just say....poking healthy veins as opposed to the veins of those in the hospital is SO nice?!?! It was cool to freshen up my skills and know that I actually do have my phlebotomy skills :-) I came home and took a quick nap and then headed to Erie to go babysit six kids for the evening.
Sunday I spent (trying to) sleep, which was somewhat successful.
AND THEN......
I started my new job bright n' shiney Monday morning.
And by bright n' shiney I mean before the sun was even up. I was on the Denver Health campus by 6:30am and spent the next 11 hours there. Monday was a long New Employee Orientation and then Tuesday/Wednesday I spent 10 hours each day (starting at 7:00am both days) at what was called Nursing Training. As a new Healthcare Tech I will be involved directly in patient care so we had to go through "special training" in regards to hearing a lot about different units and all the privacy/legal stuff that goes into direct patient care. It was some great training but it was three long days sitting in a chair....which was hard for two reasons...being up early each morning coupled with long long days AND sitting all day long. I'm not always such a sitter!! And then yesterday I got to actually start some of my on-the-job training.
Now let me explain a little bit more. Denver Health is a Level One Trauma facility. Meaning they specialize in high trauma. Think mass casualties and severe trauma...well they are great at that. If you come into their Emergency Department (ED), you have a 95% chance of leaving with a pulse! Pretty great statistics!!
Their slogan is Level One Care For ALL...meaning (and especially being in the heart of downtown Denver) they serve all populations regardless of ability to pay for the care they receive. So we serve a lot of minorities and at-risk populations. Poverty. Behaviorial/psych. Underprivileged. Etc. They campus is really pretty damn big and houses a lot of different needs. They have a lot of community and school-based clinical sites, house poison and infection control, have a huge lab and serve the prison populations. They have a floor that treats eating disorders and have several psych wards. Denver Cares is a detox/psych arm of the hospital. They have a SICU, PICU, NICU, MICU and regular ICU. They have Labor & Delivery, Mother/Baby, Med-Surg, Ortho....and all those other areas you hear about in every other hospital. It's just a massive health care system.
Now what's my job?! Well I'm a Healthcare Technician. What does that mean?! I'm a CNA with other qualifications or extensive experience in healthcare. I'm assuming the combination of having my CNA license, my Phlebotomy licensure, and experience working with special needs and home health care landed me this position. So I'm a step above a regular CNA but a step below an LPN (Licensed Practicing Nurse). Now what unit do I get to work on?! I get to work in the CCMF. The what?! The Correctional Care Medical Facility. What?! Basically I work in the unit/department that treats the prisoners!
No I'm not kidding. I'm dead serious (no pun intended)!
It's actually a really safe unit...accompanied by the Denver Sheriff's Department as well as other officers of the various jurisdictions that use DH's services, I'm in one of the most dangerous yet safest units there is!!
I will be trained as both a ward clerk and a healthcare tech...doing both desk work and healthcare work.
Pretty exciting stuff.
I'm pretty exhausted but am pretty excited about only having to work 3 12-hour shifts a week to pay my bills! Gonna be hard and a lot of work but let's do this! So that's all been my whole world for the past couple days :-)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
One Day Without Shoes
Today I was substitute teaching in one of our middle schools. Today also happens to be a celebratory day. TOMS Shoes has a day of awareness dubbed One Day Without Shoes. It's to raise awareness of the issue of "shoelessness" around the world. TOMS shoes also has a one-for-one policy, in which for every pair of their shoes you buy, a pair is sent around the world to a person in need. My friend Alyssa, who is currently in Guatemala for the Peacecorps, can attest to the importance of this organization as a lot of the people in her host village wear TOMS shoes.
Well today, I decided to let the classes of 6th graders I was teaching for the day get in on the action, promoting the release of their little toes from their shoes while in my class. Not all of them participated, only those that were comfortable. But the kids got a KICK out of it! They wanted to share and go talk to other teachers and get other classes to do it too. At the very least it was fun for them while in my class and a fun story to take home to their parents.
Here's to a second year of promoting One Day Without Shoes!
For more information about TOMS shoes, please visit www.toms.com and for more information about One Day Without Shoes please visit www.onedaywithoutshoes.com!
Well today, I decided to let the classes of 6th graders I was teaching for the day get in on the action, promoting the release of their little toes from their shoes while in my class. Not all of them participated, only those that were comfortable. But the kids got a KICK out of it! They wanted to share and go talk to other teachers and get other classes to do it too. At the very least it was fun for them while in my class and a fun story to take home to their parents.
Here's to a second year of promoting One Day Without Shoes!
For more information about TOMS shoes, please visit www.toms.com and for more information about One Day Without Shoes please visit www.onedaywithoutshoes.com!
Monday, April 04, 2011
A Little Wish
My big anxiety attacks started coming back this weekend. Sunday I had a massive one and this evening, another. I forgot how discombobulated they leave me.
I don't wish or ask for much in the way of being taken care of physically by anyone.
But in this rare moment, I wish nothing more than the ability to put my head in a friend's lap and for them to rub my head until my mind and body are relaxed by that small loving compassionate gesture. That is my small wish tonight....
I don't wish or ask for much in the way of being taken care of physically by anyone.
But in this rare moment, I wish nothing more than the ability to put my head in a friend's lap and for them to rub my head until my mind and body are relaxed by that small loving compassionate gesture. That is my small wish tonight....
Sunday, April 03, 2011
A Lil Bit O Country
I am a self-described music whore. I will listen to just about anything and everything...with very little exception. Some genres I have to be in the mood for but I really do just enjoy music, all day every day...excellent, horrible and everything in-between.
However there is one genre that will always be my favorite, hands-down, no questions asked.
Country music.
And yes I am a music elitist when it comes to this genre. I will listen to all country but you DO NOT MESS with my country greats. It's just not something you do.
There is nothing that makes me feel more human, more comfortable, more happy, or more at home than some good ol' country music!
What is it that I love about country music?!
Well for starters, I grew up on it. It's just near and dear to my heart because it's one of two main genres I grew up listened to. Saturday mornings were started with either a little classic rock or a little country. Roadtrips always were accompanied by a vast richness of cd's and singing as a family. Evenings were spent watching classic Disney (as we didn't have too too much when I was younger) or rocking to our old record and cd player.
But on top of that it's just home-grown, classic, genuine music from genuine down-to-earth people (mostly). They talk about love, life, heartbreak, successes, the little things in life, God, and of course big green tractors! I love the genuinity, I love that I can rock out to it, I love Brad Paisley's comedic outlook in his songs, and I love how closely it always hits to my heart.
I love songs about love and loving others. And country music does that on a continual basis.
A lotta bit o country music is always a great thing in my book :-)
However there is one genre that will always be my favorite, hands-down, no questions asked.
Country music.
And yes I am a music elitist when it comes to this genre. I will listen to all country but you DO NOT MESS with my country greats. It's just not something you do.
There is nothing that makes me feel more human, more comfortable, more happy, or more at home than some good ol' country music!
What is it that I love about country music?!
Well for starters, I grew up on it. It's just near and dear to my heart because it's one of two main genres I grew up listened to. Saturday mornings were started with either a little classic rock or a little country. Roadtrips always were accompanied by a vast richness of cd's and singing as a family. Evenings were spent watching classic Disney (as we didn't have too too much when I was younger) or rocking to our old record and cd player.
But on top of that it's just home-grown, classic, genuine music from genuine down-to-earth people (mostly). They talk about love, life, heartbreak, successes, the little things in life, God, and of course big green tractors! I love the genuinity, I love that I can rock out to it, I love Brad Paisley's comedic outlook in his songs, and I love how closely it always hits to my heart.
I love songs about love and loving others. And country music does that on a continual basis.
A lotta bit o country music is always a great thing in my book :-)
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